Could my boyfriend be hiding something because he’s more quiet lately and less clingy than he usually is?

[Anonymous]

I’m a very observant person. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 1 year. Usually he’s very clingy with me and drops me a text while I’m at work reminding me of how much he misses me or how his day is going. These past few days he’s just been leaning waiting for my text when I am back from work or something and it’s made me very sad because I feel like I’ve been putting in more energy. He tells me he’s just been stressed trying to find a job and he insists nothing is going on, he also always shows me his phone but I’m still overthinking right now. I don’t know what to do.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like your boyfriend is in the same shoes I am in , I just recently Lost my job as well due to my company deciding to close down , so I been actively trying to find another job , before my severance runs out , and sadly it hasn’t been easy , because I need to make the same money or more to be able to stay on my home , I been very stressed and depressed trying to land a new job that can pay my bills and keep my home and sadly it’s taking a toll on me not knowing what’s in store for me next. so it sounds like your boyfriend is telling you the truth , especially if he was a hard worker and depended on his job like I did. He more than likely is feeling depressed and stressed as well. If you love and care about him , the best thing for you to do , is be by his side as much as possible and know it seems like he is being distant from you but understand it isn’t you , it’s him , so let him know you love him no matter what , and let him know you are standing by his side no matter what. Sadly most hard working guys’ feel like losers when we don’t have a job or lose a job , we tend to feel our girlfriends’ or wives , will look at us like we are losers as well , because we feel like we can no longer provide for her or take care of her or take her on dates , and surprise her with gifts etc. because we feel we can no longer bring anything to the table in the relationship , until we hopefully land another job , we also feel she might give up on us. Sadly I have witnessed a lot of girls’ leave their husbands and boyfriends because they lost their jobs , because they weren’t making the money they use to make. Yes those girls are selfish girls , that only care about themselves , but sadly females got this reputation of being gold diggers , thanks to social media. but the truth is , this kind of shit. does happens Most guys hear stories of girls’ only wanting a guy for his money and he hears stories that she might spread her legs for another guy , that she feels she can benefit from , compared to the guy she already has. So you can thank your female race for making guys’ think this way. So your boyfriend more than likely feels like a loser right now , and feels you might lose interest in him since he doesn’t have a job. A man’s role in a relationship , is to be a protector and a provider , when he feels he can’t do that for his girl , he feels like a loser. Sadly this country has gone to hell in a hand basket and social media totally contributed to brain washing most of our heads into believing most of this nonsense. So my advice to you , if you truly love your boyfriend , is be there for him as much as possible , he needs you more than you think , at this time , by you standing by his side and loving him will make it easier for him to love you back like it was before , he will be grateful that he has a girlfriend that loves him no matter what , Most guys’ want a girl that is his partner, not a user , he will more than likely land another job eventually and things will get better , he is just feeling down like I am at this time. I guarantee he isn’t cheating on you or seeking someone else , he doesn’t have the money to do so , so don’t think those negative thoughts lol. When people are stressed and depressed , they dwell on negative things and think it’s the end of the world. I can admit I been feeling that way lately because I am not hearing back from all these jobs I applied to , and my bills are stacking up, I feel like a loser right now and I don’t want to have to sell my home but if I can’t land anything? I won’t have a choice but to do so , which is adding more stress to me as well , because I love my home , I worked my ass off to get where I am at , so the thought of just pissing it away is eating me alive , I been praying everyday that I get a miracle , so I can take this fucking stress off of my chest. and go back to living a peaceful content happy life. Sadly it’s been very hard to do lately.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, your intuition is probably right to be a little suspicious here. Some things that stand out to me:

- Big change in behavior like that is definitely a red flag, even if he claims it's just stress. Guys don't usually do 180s for no reason.

- Finding a job is stressful sure, but not so much that he would suddenly stop being all lovey dovey. That takes effort!

- Offering to show you his phone seems reactive, like he knows his change in actions worried you and that was an easy way to try proving something isn't up.

My advice would be keep your eyes open and trust your gut feeling for now. Some other things you could try:

- Check his recent calls/texts when he's not looking, see who he's talking to a lot.

- Do some social media creeping, look for any shady messages or follower changes.

- Consider bringing up your concerns gently, see how he reacts. Pay attention to what he doesn't say too.

- Spending more time with him too can help get intel on his vibe. Is he being fully present?

Don't jump to conclusions yet, but trust your instincts girl! Keep me posted on what you find out.

[Asker]

He has an android and uses zero social media cause he has no care for it but he DOES get stuck on his video game some days when he feels depressed and we had a good phone call last night and he told me the reason he hasn’t communicated is because he’s worried he’ll burden me with his problems but he’s scared of losing me and says he’ll try to communicate more so I’m hoping he does.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, well that does sort of make sense then if he's not really into social media stuff. And yeah video games can definitely be an escape when you're feeling down.

It was good that you guys had an honest phone call to clear the air. I don't really buy that excuse about not wanting to "burden" you though - that's what partners are for! But at least he admitted he was scared of losing you, so he must still really care.

I'd say give him a chance to follow through on communicating more, but keep a close eye. See if his actions actually match what he said or if he goes right back to being distant. Guys will say whatever when they're trying to avoid a fight. If you don't start seeing a real effort soon though, then you gotta have another talk about where you both see this relationship going.

Hopefully with time and patience he'll open up more. But don't let him take you for granted either. You need to feel sure about how he feels. Keep expressing your needs calmly and see if he rises to meet them. Let me know how it goes - I'm rooting for ya!

[rosemilk]

do you ever text him at random times of the day and remind him of how much you miss him first? or is he the one always doing it? i don't think it's anything to worry about right now

it's hard to find a job right now, surprisingly. it used to be so easy. but things are changing and it's stressing a lot of people out. give him some time

[TenderFantasy]

Give him some space. Maybe he's just going through something. Maybe make him his favorite meal or take him out to a nice, fancy dinner or walk with him to the beach. To me, as long as there's trust there and communication, you guys will get through it. I'll pray for you guys. Good luck to you both.

[Curmudgeon]

Could it be, that in spite of the employment stress, he is finally secure in a good relationship, and so now that is unsettling to you? Ack!

[lorenzomichael]

Maybe he just realized that being clingy isn't a good thing for a guy to do. I say good for him
And as for you being observant that's great. Just don't overanalyze certain things like your boyfriend not being clingy as much or at all. let It Go.

[MikeyPH]

He's probably just got a hundred and one different things going through his head!!

[Nikki1989]

99% chance he is indeed hiding something.

[Zestyassmf1997]

He might be telling the truth. Struggling to find a job can be really hard on people.

[whistlingwh0res]

Men want more women to spread their seed they are born to do that

[Asker]

That’s a manifestation of your thoughts thinking that

[Anonymous]

Poor guy. He's stressed and has communicated that he's stressed and then you jump the gun and think he's cheating, only adding to his stress. Nice

[jimmy2]

Ohhh you sweet heart are growing up where he not yet in life

[pinkydaze_]

Yeah, he absolutely is