Can it be a red flag if your boyfriend is quiet sometimes? Can that mean he's secretive?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a little bit of the quiet type of a guy as I'm learning more about him and getting to know him, I just noticed today on our phone call he was more quiet than usual but he was definitely paying attention and listening to what I was saying and I'm a little quiet myself sometimes too because I daydream or daze off now and then but I also feel like it's way too early to try to judge or speculate anything because we have only been together 2 weeks. He told me sometimes he is a better listener than speaker. I know I shouldn't overthink this but I guess I got a little worried. I know it's also not an automatic negative thing just because a person is quiet. Thoughts?

[quaranta]

So far nothing happened, and maybe he was just doing something else so he was distracted, but you are already taking the routine (installed in only 2 weeks!) as something continuative that you use to measure his interest. If he senses that, he will probably get more distant because it's an added responsibility.

"I'm better at listening", "I'm horrible at texting", are often excuses. He might just mean he is extremely introverted and shy but if that isn't the case, then it means he is just not "very" interested in talking to you so much, or at least not about the -content- you bring, but that it's still ok for him.
(Nonetheless, expecting he is interested in your daily stuff after just 2 weeks is not very realistic, he doesn't know you enough to personally "care" about your life, and I guess viceversa).
If he enjoys your presence, he might like the fact you are in his life now but that doesn't mean he "likes" the interaction you offer as well, maybe he just takes it like a "tax" to keep you there, that for now he is accepting. What interaction does he offer instead, if he was the one to guide it? How frequent, with what content? Check his style as well.

The fact you are quiet during the call, and that you say "as usual", means probably you are not calling because of something substantial to say, but that is already more similar to a duty than a pleasure. While some people enjoy this as a continuous proof of mutual interest, others can't see the point, and get bored/annoyed after a while (I am of this type, at some point I couldn't stand calling my exes anymore because lack of substantial content/reason to call, but it was a "duty" so I did it, and that made me progressively numb and depressed, not willing to really say anything, beside "mh, mh, mh", while I can be very talkative instead when something is interesting).

So my advice is to see what his pace is, and to not overtake all the communication space with your style that he "accepts" passively, just let him participate in the type of communication he wants as well. You might ask him what is his ideal communication pace during the week, and what he likes to talk about with his friends. You might wait for his input to want a call. You might ask him more questions about his day and see how much information he enjoys to share, and the type of content. If it's not much, well, he is not much into this kind of exchange, or not yet.

[ChloeLourd]

Ask your self why you are trying to find faults in his behaviour rather than accepting that is who he is

[Pegases]

Men process emotions differently than women. For most of us, it takes us time to be able to verbalize them. Unlike women, most of us didn't grow up expressing our emotions, so when we mature, we realize the need to do so in a healthy way, which for us is a skill we have to hone. So we just need time to do so. Mature men that dont react instantly to their emotions is actually a green flag, not a red one, because it shows discipline. As long as he eventually comes back to you and explains how he feels, dont take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Get used to it. W some exceptions men aren’t like women as far as talking, talking, talking, like damn stop talking already. He may be in the beginning of a new relationship, but eventually that’ll die down. A lot of times we as men get white when we’re trying to figure something out. I would t look too much into it. You’re going to create problems that aren’t there.

[spartan55]

Wow, maybe try not to create an issue where there is none. Which is clearly the case here.