What constitutes cheating?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

In my opinion, anything that the partner wouldn't consent to if they knew, and you have to hide it from.

Might sound ironic, but for example my wife and I do (very) occasionally involve another woman for special activities, and this is not cheating in our book. But if I confided in another woman for example, more than I did with my wife, without her knowing, that would be cheating for her, even if nothing phisical happened.

[CozyCoffin]

It's all about betrayal of trust. If your SO would feel their trust in you betrayed by your actions, then you have earned their trust (and built your relationship) under false pretenses.

Talk about what is acceptable and what isn't before any relationship, and calmly discuss anything that comes up during. If you tell someone you will feel betrayed if they do X and explain why, and they do it anyway, the conditions of your relationship need to be reevaluated.

For instance some people consider flirting to be cheating, whereas others actually get turned on/are indifferent to watching their SO flirt with other people. The same goes with anything else- my rule of thumb is that if you never asked permission, you might be cheating, and if you were declined permission, you are cheating. Because what you are cheating on is the unwritten contract of trust between you and your partner, and every such contract is different.

Every couple has their own emotional and physical boundaries, so there's likely considerable latitude here. But if you can't tell your partner about it, it's dishonest and counts all the same.

in my opinion, emotional is the worst. I'd be way more upset if my SO invested her time and energy forging a meaningful, loving relationship with someone, at the expense of our marriage, compared with some empty act of lust. I'd still divorce her over either, but more upset over the former.

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't like to use the word "cheating," because people want to argue about whether some particular activity is "technically" cheating. The important question, as you have discerned, is whether you are doing something that violates your partner's trust and their reasonable expectations. If you are doing something that you wouldn't do if your partner was present, then you are violating their trust, regardless of whether it is "technically" cheating.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

That's a good point.
As my wife put it, anything I know would make her cry if she found out.

[Agape93]

Going outside the established boundaries of a relationship, to find love, sex or affection from others.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I admit I didn't think emotional cheating was a thing up until a couple of years ago.

[TrueConfection]

Lying.

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree with your definition. (Even though I personally don't agree with threesomes.)

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I understand, everyone has differents cups of tea.

[Jamie05rhs]

True! :)

[NathanDavis]

yeah.. if one or the other is not into it nor aware of it... they're being cheated out of it

[Fireguy17]

anything you would not do in front of your SO, or want your SO to see, hear, or know about.

[subwayperson]

It's not cheating unless it involves penetration

[Anonymous]

Sexting and doing anything sexual with someone you aren't dating or are married too.