What would you do if you were attracted to someone you can’t have?

[Abbielh93]

For example, if you had a colleague that you were close to. If you were in a relationship, and they were married, but you told each other you liked each other romantically.

Obviously you can’t be with that person because they were married. How would you interact with them at work? Would you distance yourself from them because you knew that you couldn’t be together? Would you struggle to interact with them?

[Anonymous]

Well, I am somewhat in that position right now.

Since the person I am attracted to turned out to be in a relationship.
We tried to be friends, at least, that was my intention, since we were seeing one another twice a week.

However, he would nevertheless make comments about me loving him, telling me he loves me, joke about having sex, always touch me one way or another, and suddenly after a misunderstanding he seemed to have disappeared from earth.
In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't see him again.
In fact, I have a feeling he even transferred to a different location in order to avoid me, because the last time he showed up was 10 days ago, which was when he got upset with me.
The last time before that was when he told me he loved me twice, and since he is in a relationship, I didn't know how to take it and kind of let it slip.
As far as I'm concerned, he's currently doing a damn good job avoiding me, even though I never had any intention of hurting or causing any uproar.
Nevertheless, if this is his way of communicating and he doesn't speak his mind, then I doubt we would have lasted if he hadn't been with his current partner anyway.
Time will tell. Maybe he comes around, maybe he won't.

[Opinion Owner]

To answer your question (lol):

You keep on being friendly, just don't allow yourself to cross any boundaries you wouldn't want your partner to cross.

When things get difficult, get it out of the way. When things get out of hand, consider your choices and decide which one is most realistic.

From my experience, frustration will at some point get the best of you and then you'll start to dislike/avoid one another. That's when things get rough.

You could try to stay friends/friendly, but how you would benefit from that in a healthy, mature sense? Can you maintain a distance when you're connected through chemistry?

[PeachyPie93]

I would be fine, I did like one guy like that before. He had a girlfriend but I would never do that to someone so I could still be his friend. We were always having fun and hanging out at work but he never pushed it and neither did I.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'd go find another woman who is just like her, or better.
By that I mean another woman who checks all the boxes, not a literal clone.

I wouldn't get to the point of telling the first one I liked her though, as it actually takes me a while to fall for someone, and with her being married, I'd never mentally get to that point as I'd not be in the mindset of evaluating her as wife material. So distancing wouldn't be needed, instead I'd spend even more time with her to try to get to know any female friends she has that might be a match for me, as people tend to be friends with similar minded people.

I also work from home though, so I'd not be having that interaction situation to begin with.

[hahahmm]

Self control is an important life skill. To me as a man this is obvious because society holds men 100% responsible for every choice we make. Not only that, men are even punished for things their wife/ girlfriend chose to do as if she is a child. Smart guys don't even talk to women they don't know unless it's absolutely necessary because the risk of false accusations is too high.

[OlderAndWiser]

Avoid temptation and look for someone else.

[Drew-1990]

If I had a crush on them? I would honestly try not to talk to her actually. I mean I don't want to ruin a good friendship but if feelings are involved you risk doing something you both will regret even if you are both good people who would never cheat. The temptation will be there no matter how much you don't want to.

[handsomelad70]

Get someone else. I AM hella handsome, remember.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately in my experience, those are plenty of ladies. This may sound cold, but I just don't bother talking to them, interacting with them, nothing. Even if I haven't spoken to them at all, nor got their names or just exchange a few words,... towards the end, it's just not going to work out, so there's just no point.

Now every time I see women that I'm attracted to,... at first I was like "I wouldn't mind talking to her and just say 'Hey, how are ya?'", but with my repeated, disappointing and depressing results every single time,... now I'm like "I see her, I know I'm attracted to her, but I know how this bullshit is going to be repeated and going down. Forget it, there's no point. I hope I don't talk to her nor see her again".

[hahahmm]

I had the opposite experience in life far as responses. Most women are open to me BUT I learned to ignore 99.9999% of them because it's not worth it. I mean, if all I ever wanted was sex I'd have a different opinion. But I always wanted more than that.

[Bricealan]

Treat that person as I always had... No different than before. I have been there and done that.

[DJB72]

What, again?

Fuck... Not again...

I'm becoming a monk...

In isolation...

On an island...

[ChooChooHaha]

Oh yeah. He was one of them.
Keep it light, fun. No deep conversations.

[Huntingnfishin]

Stay in my lane and be emontionally crushed for the rest of my life. Sucks but that's an honest answer

[ProbablyClueless]

There's not much you can do besides move on.

[Abbielh93]

Would you interact with them as normal or distance yourself?

[ProbablyClueless]

I have in the past. I've tried to remain friendly/cordial with them after the rejection, but the women haven't been receptive to it. I can't decide if I want to change the way I approach these things.

Even former friends I've had fallings out with. I see being able to interact with people I don't like in a polite and cordial way as a sign of moving on and letting go of baggage. Other people tend to hold on to their animosity and vindictiveness though. 🤷🏽‍♂️

[SolitarySolace]

I just wouldn’t do anything. Wouldn’t even bother talking to that person. I’d just forget about them. No need to have someone like that in my life

[SotiCoto]

Nothing. This has happened loads. I just ignore it.

[Abbielh93]

Do you interact with them as normal or distance yourself from them?

[Xia1994]

I would leave them alone, move on and be attracted to someone else who I can have.

[Emanon25]

That’s sad, try not to think about that person.

[Abbielh93]

But imagine if you worked together every day in close proximity. Would you do your best to distance yourself? Would you be hot and cold because you know you have feelings for that person but can’t be with them

[Emanon25]

It’s hard but you should do your best so you don’t follow something you know that you can get and get hurt more.

[Olgaaa22]

I know what you mean bc I’m in the same boat but finally I got over him it took me a year

[Abbielh93]

@Olgaaa22 did you treat him differently? Did you back off and stop interacting with him?
Well done for getting over him x

[Olgaaa22]

We still work other and see each other often but I backed away from him first as In interacting less with him and mentioning his wife etc so now he sometimes stays away from me too but there are days when he will talk a lot but in my mind I was like this is not gonna end up well bc he is married and I don’t break marriages and I had to stop somewhere so I basically had to stop it myself and he is very attractive nice guy so that’s another hard thing

[KrakenAttackin]

Men are used to this. What do we do? We suck it up, quash it down, and keep moving.

[SolitarySolace]

Exactly

[hahahmm]

Right. When I was young I realized if I flirted with women, almost all of them were open to something. Hilarious when women claim they're all hard to get & men are lucky if one is open to something. I also found out the dangers cause it's no joke if you mess with the wrong guy's woman or if you even reject her & she decides to lie to him.

[KrakenAttackin]

@hahahmm Well said. Women can be more dangerous than rattlesnakes.

[Slapmynuts]

Been there long story! Going on 20 years!🤔😮

[Abbielh93]

Blimey! Would you distance yourself from that person? I’ve got a guy at work who told me he likes me and now he’s being hot and cold

[Slapmynuts]

I haven't seen or talked to the person in years! Lol Just the memory!:)

[captain_voidwalker]

That wax pretty much every attra tion I've ever had. So I learned to not be attracted to anyone anymore

[Anonymous]

Try to steal him from her lmao.

Im not gonna sit around and look stupid.

[Surely]

I believe that I could keep it totally professional.

[lildkman1010]

I’d give up because most likely I’d never stand a chance

[litty736]

I'd not waste my time. There are other people out there who would find me attractive vice versa

[whistlingwh0res]

think of him as a dog. you just pet him and pass by if he has a owner

[Anonymous]

It happens to me all the time.. I just have to figure out a way to get over them..

[sage2021]

Just keep on walking like I always do.

[Jennz6]

I never knew anyone that I couldn’t have

[Guanfei]

Give up. What else could I do?

[Zoi99]

Move on what else can you do? I’m no homewrecker.

[DizzyAster2]

Wank one of to their memory and move on.

[Bklynbadboy12]

If keep it to myself and never let them know

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

U move on..