How do you deal with falling for someone that you can't have?

[Anonymous]

I recently reconnected with a woman that I met on Instagram after we drifted apart for a couple of years. We've exchanged a few friendly messages but the truth is, I've had a massive crush on her for about 3 years and I know that I can't tell her how I feel because it will just be too weird and the circumstances are way too difficult. If we lived close to each other, I genuinely feel that we could have something really great but sadly, I live in England and she lives in America so it's an impossible chase. It's a shame because she's funny, intelligent, caring and really beautiful. She's all I've been able to think about for ages.

I know that this is utterly stupid and that it cannot work or end well so how can I get myself in a healthy position where I can put this to one side?

[provokeesmokee]

Stop engaging.

A 3 year crush isn't a "crush": it's an obsession.

At this point, I don't know, if you've got friends you trust, talk this out with them. If not, hire a therapist.

This doesn't seem healthy on you, and it isn't fair to either of you. She has no idea you feel this way and would be creeped out at this point - 3 years of basically you stalking her isn't going to look good on you. You are torturing yourself and she doesn't even know your feelings for her.

If you don't want to stop engaging, that's fine. But get therapy in that case, to help you come to terms with the fact you're not going to get with her, and to help you begin to move on.

You've been obsessed for three years. It's going to take time and effort to heal from that.

[Asker]

Yeah, if that's what it's going to take to help me stop then I'll look into therapy. I hate that I've let myself get to this point. Thank you.

[provokeesmokee]

You caught yourself and you're taking the steps you need to move forward.

You've not done bad at all. It's okay.

Treat yourself with kindness and grace. You'll get through this stronger.

[Anonymous]

I was friends with this guy I met at work. He and I both had relationships so obviously, we couldn't be with each other. But he will still flirt with me nonetheless. Of course, I enjoyed it. Why wouldn't I? He's handsome, tall, kind, friendly, and he liked me back. He also asked me out on dates. I declined, of course. But we still flirt with each other, in person or in chat.

Then he got married, and he migrated abroad with his wife. We lost connection for a year or so. Then after that, to my surprise, he reached out to me again, out of nowhere. He sent me a chat message. That's where it started again, the flirting and all. I can feel myself falling for him. And when I knew, I had to cut off our connections. He felt embarrassed, he blocked me, and we never talked again. Sometimes I miss talking to him but honestly, I felt like I lost a friend. But I know I did the right thing, because he's married, and I still have my boyfriend.

[Viktor001]

I am in the same boat except I am really that far, just a 7h drive or 1h flight but the situation we are in, we can't be together and because we still live in different countries.

Best thing you can do is go out with friends and find someone else before you end up like me and suffer from MDD.

Don't make the same mistake I did.

[Viktor001]

Except I am not really that far*

[sepehril]

Loving someone is not about having them in your life or wanting them to be your partner. You can love her and want the best for her , even if she's in relationship with someone, you can be happy for her that she's with someone that makes her happy.

[Pinay_ako]

I don’t fall for someone I can’t have. I simply cut my losses and move on.

[Asker]

That's what I want to do but how?

[Pinay_ako]

So lose contact

[Anonymous]

You could make a list of all the reasons why you can’t have her. List all the ways a relationship would not work out. List all the pros and cons of dating this person. List all the ways you lack compatibility.

But it also may not hurt just to tell her how you feel, at least that way you can have closure.

[Asker]

I like this suggestion. Thanks!

[Reem12345reem]

Im in a similar situation , he lives in anther country AND he's gay (masculine gay) and he's so cool to talk with , I just keep hoping that maybe some day we could meet

[Asker]

Yeah that must be really hard. I hope everything works out for you.

[Reem12345reem]

Thanks , same for u

[D_Bone_Steak]

Just rub it out until you lose interest.

[Dargil]

There was one who was so drop dead gorgeous that I would crawl 100 yards on broken glass to kiss her pussy. But you just have to write that off as The Creators Art and get on with your life.

[Annie_LevelUP_ADC]

I cut that person out until I can see them as just a person.

[WhitneySnow]

You could do an LDR if she feels the same way, at least for a while

[sheikalana]

By accepting you can't have them and moving on.

[MysticDevice]

It ain't fun but what can you do. I just take the hit and move on.

[Anonymous]

I don't do it. I've learned over the years. To keep a tight reign on my feelings. I don't allow myself to explore potential relationships that have little to no chance.

[DextroShade]

You ghost her and remove her from your life forever.

[Anonymous]

ignoring them, it even says that in 48 laws of power book.


Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring what you can't have

[Jltakk]

Thats most of the time for me. I just fall out of love with them, reminding myself where I stand.

[sheenagwapa]

i don't fall for someone who doesn't like me back.

[Vikkrram]

I have done this and now it's really hurting.

[LemiaOfThunder]

Just Move on

[Asker]

Wow, just like that? Thanks..