How do you deal with loving someone you can't have?

Question

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Luckily I had a very good friend, Anne, who went through this kind of dark time with me. She would listen to every word I would say, and hand me tissues as I would be crying to her. One night I was having the pain of wanting him to love me back. He was the kind of guy that wouldn't make any kind of commitment. So, of course he would see other women. I loved him, but I couldn't have a real relationship with him. Anne said to me in a kind of stern voice "He is physically and emotionally unavailable to you". So, I kept that thought going in my head. Then I changed my phone number so I wouldn't feel like I was waiting for him to call. It was very liberating to do that. I felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I could be at home in peace, finally!
Unfortunately a year later, he showed up at my door and we started seeing each other again. That was a huge mistake because he was still the same. Nothing had changed.
So, a couple of year's went by and I fell back into that same old rut with him.
I was laid off from my job that I loved so much. So, I decided to move far away. 3,000 away. I knew it would finally be over with him, and I could start a new life. And that's what I did! Whooya! I did it girl 🌹

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You have to realize that time heals everything I know you hear this often but it’s so true. When this guy comes to your mind do something else: it’s like you know when you want to drop sugar and when you want to eat sugar you drink water or eat something healthy. It’s the same concept.

Also stop visualizing how “great” this guy is, he also poops too. If that helps’

Also you can find love or a new guy sooner than you think ! Don’t fall into that stupid soulmate idea or that this guy you like is the only one who understood you and you ever liked.
You are going to meet someone else and even forget this guys NAME no joke. However, you have to allow this change to happen. And to allow this is for you to actually go out there and start looking for new opportunities. It can be even online it’s ok downloaded the best app and start meeting new people.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You gotta move on. Waiting around, lingering, crossing your fingers is not going to do you any justice. I’ve been in that situation as a guy over girls, never worked out, not even one of them. I think that’s why this era is soo messed up when it comes to dating, relationships and marriage. People don’t communicate, people are scarred, people are guarded, people seem vengeful/hateful because of their experiences, people label an entire gender into one category and act sexist (yes, males and females). Seems like people avoid being romantic, honest, commit acts of chivalry for the guys/men. Because society has accepted to behave this way. Seriously how can anyone take dating seriously? It seems like what people’s mantras are — “I’ll do what I want”, “just have fun”, “fool around” or some other stupid shit. This is why I don’t follow trends, fads, ideologies and etc. If I conform to trying to please everyone and following every damn trend and ideology…yeah I’d be lost and depressed to. The older I got is when I realized this.

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

Keep a safe distance. Be considerate of them, all that they’re going through, their future, their well-being. Be selfless and think about what’s best for THEM. If they are happy, then be happy for them.

When you don’t make it about yourself, it’ll be easier to take a step back, and care about them in a more platonic and altruistic way.

But, your feelings of longing and melancholy may never go away unless you let them go and move on.

Are they important enough to you for you to never move on?

If you want to keep them in your life, it may be like Severus Snape and Lily Potter. Never ending unrequited love. It will be hard.

If you don’t want to do that, just learn to let go and move on. Focus on other things that bring you happiness and fulfillment.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

You remind yourself that other options will come if you give it time

ethanallen · Answer

I worked with a woman for one year and became very close. We shared personal stories and discussed our work issues together. She was both a friend and someone I trusted, respected and admired. She might be described as plain looking with an average body but I was very attracted to her. For many reasons, I didn't pursue anything with her but when I left the company and moved, I really did miss her tremendously. The feelings of missing her went away after a year. I still admire her and find her very attractive but I don't miss her every day.

NathanDavis · Answer

I do not...

I don't set traps for myself to feel miserable

if the feeling is not mutual between me and her, then it is not love... it is something else

fascination, obsession, fantasy, idealization, a crush... fixation, a strong like, desire, lust... anything but is definitely not love, and all these I mentioned I can get rid off them

Unknown2o22 · Answer

I think the best way, is to accept that in this life you aren’t supposed to be, but who knows. Maybe next time arounf you will have your time together, if you believe in that. And then be happy, that they are happy, with them all the health and happiness in the world, becus you love them, and you would want nothing less for them, even if that means they are not with you.

someone717267271 · Answer

Its easy to just say stop loving them. But thats the hard true… ignore them. Act cold towards them. Dont have ANY contact with them, cut EVERY CONTACT with them. Consider yourself better than them and that they dont deserve you.. think about the reasons why you can't have them. For example if he has a girlfriend, think of them together. Imagine them loving each other and kissing/cuddling. He is taken (if thats thr reason). Think to yourself that you're thankfuk that he's not your boyfriend. List all negative things about him and think of them every time you see him (if u do). But dont forget be extremly cold towards him! Like ice cold. Try to hate him. And finally MEET NEW PEOPLE!!! Talk and flirt with many guys and have fun with your friends. Or stay busy with something working/going to the gym. FOCUS in yourself and your dreams. And forget about him, there's 50000000 men out there and you will find someone probably betterz

20thGreatRomances · Answer

I know it's easier said than done but, you need to move on.

If this person was available then, there is a chance. But, you are already mentioning that you can't have him. Not exactly sure what this means. (He is already in a relationship or already married.)

It's best to move on with your life. You don't want to wait around for something that may never be.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

What do you mean you can’t have?
it depends on the situation. If he is a married man or has a partner. I would never get into.
if he moved … sometimes things can work out. If it’s his family…sometimes it can work out.
othwrsiwd if he is not on the same page as you … you move on and wait for longer heartbreak … just how life works

dustybiker · Answer

You don’t deal with it. You take them with you. You’ll always remember how you loved them in this moment, but as you move on in life it changes you. When you look back, eventually, you aren’t the same person you are right now, so you love them in a sort of memory that no longer fits. It’s fantasies of “what if” whenever lonely or let down. It’s not the same though.

Sour-rose · Answer

I'd... be lying if I said I'd let them go easily. But i guess I would have to live with it, knowing they can't be mine but for them to be truly happy, i gotta. They'll live a happy life, I hope. While I find someone else who can make me feel the same.

ohsheeT · Answer

First of all you have to accept the reason why you can't have them that's the major point right there and in time it fades away but you totally have to be honest with yourself and you have to respect that person if you really love that person you have to respect them and walk away

ManOnFire · Answer

Love is a really strong thing, and I personally do not believe you can love someone you have never  truly  had some kind of connection with. I think most people just have infatuations with others. I can't fall in love with people I've never met or have only observed them, or even people who are already in a relationship.

Emiliamazing · Answer

Nearly every human has worthy and admirable attributes, sometimes they’re hidden sometimes and they need to be drawn out. Be patient and keep your eyes on the lookout for that special smile or calming touch from a different person. No doubt there will be someone who is in the same situation you are and perhaps you will stumble into each other :-).

Most importantly, find happiness with yourself.

ThinkingofThink · Answer

It's extremely tough but, do remember
before you met them, you were living just fine. So why keep intact yourself with someone that you know, you can't have? Life is not always running within thoughts, the real freedom is overcoming them and being resilient. Adaptability is the biggest savior for humans, but please don't confuse adaptability with compromise.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i remember being so in love with one girl in high school i'd cry over her. to get over it i'd play tetris and listen to this song until the thought of her went away. but i still think about her. she finally gave a decent guy a chance

Minahh · Answer

1. Focus on yourself.
2. Surround yourself with people you love.
3. Try not to have any contact with the person.
4. Put your love into something meaningful.
5. Send them love, light, healing and positive vibes.
6. Give it time. Old saying but time really does heal all wounds.

macjets007 · Answer

You must get over them, and realize that you will find someone more compatible and ultimately better for you! You deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them. If someone isn't interested 9even with a relationship past) it often times has nothing to do with you! So don't beat yourself up and start dating again. Singles events, dating apps, flirting with guys in public; do your thing and you'll end up never regretting anything that happened.

red324 · Answer

You would think it would be easy to just find someone else, but it sure is easier said then done. I'm about to go to the bar as I type this and drink me a couple cokes and see what happens. lol I'm just trying something different besides finding these low lives online.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I can have em. The question is, am I willing to sacrifice my standards/morals/values to be with them? No. That answer alone is how I deal wih it

YHL6965 · Answer

Honestly, I think time is the best answer. Let yourself digest this, let this sink in, think about how much it will hurt you if you continue, realize that there are other people out there that you might love. It will take time for the wound to heal.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

I try to move on, try to occupy my mind with other "complex" aspects of life that can take my mind away from "that", i try clubs, pubs, etc... so yeah i just try to lift my Morals up, otherwise can get knocked off pretty bad!

petitedollbabee · Answer

I’ve only had this happen once. I was in love with him for a year and the feeling was never reciprocated. Eventually I just spent a day crying, drunk a bottle of wine, and the next day I was over him and moved on.

RandomGuy1030 · Answer

My soulmate... we fit like a glove... moved away overseas. How do I deal with that? I dont. I haven't and won't let go. Subconsciously they are too precious. So ill probably never form another attachment again. Unless I find someone equally amazing.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Hmmmm. That can be a problem - but only if you make it one.

arodriguez664 · Answer

Cut your loses and cut them out. You don't want to convince someone to be with you. Even if you are successful you will always question the validity of the relationship. Been there, it sucks

JSmuve · Answer

I stop talking to her and then start feeling guilty about it. Then watching her move on without me is like dragging sandpaper across an open wound.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Best thing to do is just try to accept it and move on. If they somehiw come back to you, then their meant to be yours. If not, it just means they weren't the person for you.

Dmansgood · Answer

Ow man I went through this one the hard way didn't even go on a date for over 3 years... Have as much pleasure as you can where you can with who wants to be around you... It might not be what your heart wants.. however once your body feels good your heart will fallow

MCheetah · Answer

Stop wanting them if you can't have them. That's how I learned to stop wanting women. You move on.

TenderFantasy · Answer

Wow no fair, I could have easily asked the same question but not have it be popular lol. Good on you.

Anonymous · Answer

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Th3ft · Answer

I cut them out of my life. I can’t get over it without making a fool of myself either way though.

slatyb · Answer

That's life, although longing for a person can be intense. The traditional solution is to remove yourself from their presence.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

I went threw that. I know exactly the feeling. His name was Juan Longoria.

Haha456 · Answer

you need to block them on all accounts. stop meeting them. stop thinking about them.

Idkwtfimdoing96 · Answer

I feel depression like I've never felt it hit at all. There's this heart ache I feel that I can't really explain

LazerBean · Answer

By moving on and being more careful with your emotions.

CrowLover8161983 · Answer

Honestly life goes on people sometimes want what they can't have and to be honest if it's part of God's plan for you then it will happen if not don't worry everything will turn out okay.

OnTheLevel · Answer

A close friend of mine is in this situation, but as she told me, it's better than having someone you don't love. Unfortunately she's dealing with both right now.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Start by growing up. Giving yourself problems that don't exist is stupid and toxic Stop thinking you got a chance. You clearly don't

AsaKyo · Answer

You forget about them and find someone you do have because there's billions of people on the planet

Literalbillionaire17 · Answer

You just have to confess your love so that you can get that weight off your chest and this will help you move forward

Annoymous15 · Answer

Seriously it's frustrating not even when your dad is not giving u out any years soon... but now he his getting married to someone else it's more frustrating truth.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

That's not love. Could be considered a potential homewrecker.. Anyway, move on. Find someone that you can have and love, be happy with and raise great children with.

D1ana13 · Answer

Push yourself to move on but take your time and don’t lie to yourself you’re over

Kabluie · Answer

I look at this way. I can't have you, so we find someone else.

sheikalana · Answer

Accept you can’t have them and move on. Time will heal you.

Anonymous · Answer

Get used to it.  Men learn to accept this much younger then women because we get rejected a lot more. We get no leeway to complain about it either. So welcome to the club.

JosyJosy · Answer

Knowing that and moving on because you're aware you can't have him.

RealMarek · Answer

Move on and wait. Time is the only thing that works in my experience.

Surely · Answer

If you know that you can’t have someone. You need to put them out of your mind and find someone new to occupy your time and give your love to!

Bubbles16 · Answer

I just try to get rid of the feelings especially if me and the person i like have never had an actual conversation

Luopio27 · Answer

I get rid pf their numbers, unfriend them in social medias and real life. I also throw away all remaining objects of memories if there is any.

TroyDT · Answer

Realize that your infatuation is not meant to be, avoid falling into one-itis, and find someone else.

Guanfei · Answer

You take it like a champ and move on. Because there's nothing you can do.

Ironic_Method · Answer

Easily. If they don't want me, then it's very easy for me to not want them.

GlassTop · Answer

Sounds Ike a mental health issue. Seek help.

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

Be realistic... They're not the last person in the world you would like...

Andres77 · Answer

Let them know and wean yourself off of them. Ya gotta move forward

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

First tell me who is that and i will let you in on a secret 😸

SwimmerMuscle2000 · Answer

It’s really tough. We’ve all been there. Try to move on and know that you’re lucky to have loved at all.

How do you deal with loving someone you can't have?

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How do I cope loving someone I can't have?

How do you deal with loving someone you can't have?

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How do I cope loving someone I can't have?

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