How do I cope loving someone I can't have?

[Anonymous]

I've known this guy since I was very young as we grew up together. Are dad's are best friends and run a bar together.

He's two years older than me but we've been close all are lifes and we even work together at our dad's bar.

It's only 2 years ago I realised I loved him but I was too scared to tell him as if he doesn't feel the same we can't really avoid each other and it would have ruined a 24 year long friendship.

Once lock down had finished we started hiring new bar staff. There was one girl who came in and she is stunning, she looks like a Victoria secret model. She had experience and came off really well in the interview according to my friend in question who couldn't take his eyes off her as soon as she walked through the door. My heart felt crushed because I knew he'd fell in love with her at first sight but I covered it up and said how happy I was for them both when I found out they were dating.

I could never compete with her she's so confident and beautiful. She shines as soon as enters the room. I wouldn't say I was unattractive I'm nothing compared to her.

Everytime there together it hurts me. If I'm totally honest I don't even like his girlfriend as a person. I think she's abit in love with herself and loves attention. It's always got to be about herself but I try to stay professional and treat her kindly. It's just I'll be chatting with my friend even if it work stuff and she'll come along and take the conversation away from me.

I've just started to avoid my friend and he's been texting me asking me were I am and why I'm not hanging out with him know more. I even asked my dad for a different shift so I don't have to see him anymore and my friend got really upset about it and thinks I hate him or something.

Were not talking right now and he keeps getting mad with me and asking me what's up with me and why I'm acting the same around him anymore I just pretend I'm fine and that I don't know what he's talking about.

Updates

+1 y

I told him. It was really intense and emotional. He started to panic and I felt terrible. He told me he'd loved me for years but thought I wasn't interested so tried to move on from me. We don't really know what to do now as we both feel guilty about his girlfriend but he feels he must end things but that also means she's gonna have to find new employment unless she doesn't mind the akwardness. Just feel like it's gonna get really messy now. I may not like this girl but she's still a person.

[Harleigh90]

You need to stand strong and know your worth, don't ever compare yourself to someone. Being you is what makes you beautiful.
Don't be bitter. It isn't healthy.
Regardless of their relationship, and how fucking hard it will be, you have to move on and live your life.
If something was going to happen for you both it would of already happened by now.

Hold that head high and be confident, even if it hurts you need to be his friend right now.

[Asker]

That's how I see it too. If something was to happen he would have made his move by now. I worry he sees me as a little stister sometimes. It hurts so much just seeing how he looks at other girls sometimes knowing he will never look at me that way.

I just want out of the situation before I have a melt down. I think it's honestly best If I go away for awhile.

[Harleigh90]

24 years of being friends is very long time for nothing romantically to happen.
I can relate to how you're feeling and I know it hurts so much, but if his happy, you need to support him, be that friend he needs.

If it benefits your mental health, tell him you need to step away from the situation. But be strong. You have to have the mind set it's never going to happen, otherwise you will have a melt down. I like the term core strength

[Asker]

Stuff has happened in the past 24 years just stuff that I wouldn't see as s big deal. Like when we children he'd always pick flowers for me when we'd play on the park and he was my first kiss but I was 8 and he was 10 I think but into adulthood he's not done anything besides hugs and sticking up for me

[Harleigh90]

You have some beautiful memories to hold on too. But he made it clear he wasn't interested in a relationship you have to respect, and you have to respect he has girlfriend now.
Be his friend, have his back, put yourself out there to get to know his girlfriend.
The reality is you've been holding onto the possibility something could happen for you, all these thoughts and feelings need pushing to the side. Just focus that love as friendship 💕

[dustybiker]

Be brave. Be honest. Keeping heavy secrets will make you sick.

[Asker]

It does make me feel sick. When he told me he was dating her I went into panic and tried my hardest to hide my tears. I felt so pathetic. I just told him I was happy for them and went off in the storage cupboard to cry

[dustybiker]

That was good for that moment. He’s now asked you what is wrong. It’s a different thing. Just be honest,

[boggboss]

Would have helped by u telling him in the first place the excuse that u would have ruined the friendship means nothing as u are already ruining the friendship so its not like there would have been a difference apart from him knowing why u distanced yourself plus I think u need to do somthing with your confidence as that was the thing that essentially ruined this situation that and your need to compare yourself to his now girlfriend

[Asker]

I'm aware I've probably done more damage to are relationship then good by not being honest with him but I've been thinking about it and I've gave myself abit of a ultimatum if I don't say anything by the end of this month or I do and he rejects me I'm taking this job on a cruise ship working as a bartender as so I don't have to be around in his way anymore. I've spoken to my dad about it and he doesn't know the real reason behind it but he said it sounded like a fun experience. He even suggested I take Tom with me but I lied and said there was only one job going.

[boggboss]

As long as u say somthing at least I guess

[LaNc3L0TT]

You need to be direct with him, you have nothing to lose. You are saying you didn't want to confess your feelings to him in fear that you will lose him as friend, but now you are acting like you do and same outcome is coming...
He is reaching for you and you can see that he cares about you, I believe you need to give it a shot and just be honest, some chick is not worth of your long history. Just go YOLO!

[Asker]

I'm aware I've probably done more damage to are relationship then good by not being honest with him but I've been thinking about it and I've gave myself abit of a ultimatum if I don't say anything by the end of this month or I do and he rejects me I'm taking this job on a cruise ship working as a bartender as so I don't have to be around in his way anymore. I've spoken to my dad about it and he doesn't know the real reason behind it but he said it sounded like a fun experience. He even suggested I take Tom with me but I lied and said there was only one job going.