My boyfriend just needs an excuse to accuse me of cheating?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for more than 2 years now. And still he hasn't been able to trust me. I get that his ex cheated on him with his friend, and that hurt him a lot, but that was back when he was in school! Whenever we have discussions about it, he always gives me the excuse that we're supposed to heal each other. He goes absolutely crazy whenever I slightly mention a guy, I cannot even talk to him about male actors. Whenever we have an argument, he in some way or the other tries to accuse me of cheating. I love him, I really do. But I'm afraid if all this doesn't stop, I'll start hating him. And the worst part is, breaking up with him will cause him to cry me a river.

[MrOracle]

You cannot fix him, and it's not healthy to be in a relationship with him when he's this broken. He's got to do the work himself (probably with a therapist), but he absolutely cannot expect YOU to be his therapist - you are his GIRLFRIEND, and that's a very different position and role.

He's got mental/emotional damage, rather than physical, but let's pretend it was the other way around. Let's say he shattered his leg skiing, and he refuses to go to the doctor, and has a compound fracture that was never set or casted, and so he can't walk. And now he expects YOU to fix his leg somehow. Meanwhile, he's unable to get around. This is obviously not a viable solution. His actual situation is really no different.

You may cry a river, but you need to end this if he won't get the help he needs (or if he goes but refuses to actively participate in that process willingly). You can't fix him, and you staying with him only enables him to avoid getting that help, because he can blame you (directly or indirectly) instead, which is not healthy behavior.

It's pretty similar to dealing with an addict - the only thing that works is tough love, and even that doesn't always work, but nothing else comes anywhere close to being a solution.

[boggboss]

You are not meant to heal eachother that's not how relationships work and u have started to see that because u will end up resenting him and hating him if he doesn't change but it would seem he is not willing to chamge as he thinks u will fix him u can't he needs to heal himself

[Cutegirl06]

You can't control how he reacts if you do break up with him. Sounds like you are already getting really tired of his behavior already. He sounds super insecure. You can't take care of him.

[Asker]

Ur right, his behaviour greatly frustrates me. I just don't know how to bring it up without him crying me a river or just going crazy, to simply put it

[normalice]

Usually if men are too trigger happy with accusations of cheating it means that actually they are cheating.

[slatyb]

Dump him now. This is intolerable. You know who worries about their partners cheating? Cheaters.