Guys, Is an unfullfilled love stronger in your minds than a person who is there for you and is like a "given"? Answer sincerily?

[Zavarakatranemia]

I mean if an ex broke your heart, or a girl rejectd you, don't you magnify that in your head like "she is the perfect girl" and "Ι wish I had her". Instead of a girl that truly wants you and is always there for you? Isn't that boring for you? Are you stuck in your head to "the one that got away"?

I know that this mostly applies to men with avoidant or anxious attatchment style. Those with safe attatchment style will propably say that this is crazy. But I'd like to hear what avoidants and anxious think about this.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Not for me these days. When I was much younger, I think that was true. If a woman was slipping from my grasp, I'd cherish her more along with the pursuit. I associated the hard work with something of value: to climb the tallest mountain for my love, that sort of stuff.

I changed my internal thinking completely after a couple of broken hearts. Now I think the woman who doesn't require me to climb the metaphorical mountain to interest her is the most valuable, and for her I'd climb the metaphorical mountain if I had to in order to protect her but not to have her.

So "the one that got away" to me these days is the one that's not for me. It's selfish as I see it since she's probably better off if she's heading out the door to try to block her from leaving. I now only the woman who chooses to stay of her own accord without even requiring my persuasion.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] I now only [treasure] the woman who chooses to stay of her own accord without even requiring my persuasion.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Another way to put it is that I've come to deeply respect women's independence. When I was younger, I didn't and that's why I pursued, that's why I tried to jam the metaphorical door with my metaphorical foot hoping to persuade them from leaving. I didn't value a woman's independence enough to let her freely go where she wants, especially if that meant going somewhere in a way that'd permanently leave me behind.

Now I let such women go.

[Zavarakatranemia]

that's beautiful and very mature of you

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Cheers! 🤝 It took me a while to learn to think this way. Yet the way I look at things now with a bit of cheesy poetic flare is that we're all free spirits and potential beacons of light. We can draw each other by trying to shine brightly and become entangled, possibly for a lifetime, but we shouldn't try to pull each other or else we're not likely to stick around anyway. So all we should focus on is trying to shine brightly and hope someone finds warmth in our company and us in theirs, and if we continue to find such warmth, we might find each other remaining in each other's warmth for the rest of our lives.

That's all we really can and should do as I see it.

[JacobJordan]

Nope. I was rejected several times when I was younger I don't even remember their names or what they looked. What I do remember is them begging for a relationship when they found out I had money. It was pathetic and funny. Rejecting them was quite enjoyable

[Billlewis]

It doesn't even have to be an unrequited love for me to be much more attracted to her -- all she has to do is basically ignore me and refuse to give me the time of day, and she'll have me in the palm of her hand... lol

[Zavarakatranemia]

don't you want to change that? how will you get in e relationship this way?

[Billlewis]

I've enjoyed numerous relationships with women that have been deeply fulfilling and highly productive, and oddly enough, when she treats me the worst, I perform at my best;)

[superchan2011]

No, I actually feel the opposite. A girl who's there for me and is just as much into me as I am into her sticks with me a lot more than a unfullfilled or one sided love where the girl is showing no interest or leaves.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm not going to wallow over anyone when there's 4 billion other women out there. If she rejected me or whatever, she clearly wasn't the one. Wish her well on her way, on to the next.

[boggboss]

U ate doing some overthinking and jumping through hoops to conclude this lol

[Zavarakatranemia]

yes I do overthink but this happens to many people. It's not jumping through hoops. If you think it's insane it's propably because you are safely attatched. I already said that.

[boggboss]

Yes I have a normal attachment but like I said to think what u stated here is iverthinking and jumping through hoops because its going off the belife that others are overthinking to the same degree u are

[Zavarakatranemia]

No. It's the belief, which is not a belief is a fact, that people with rejection fear and abandonment trauma seek what's familiar to them

[boggboss]

No for it to be fact would mean they always do or happen to do it their is a higher chance they will but are able to do better

[Zavarakatranemia]

Yes there's a higher chance. If you don't treat secure and aanxious attatchment style, then you'll have trouble forming meaningful relationships. But sure we all can do better!

[KrakenAttackin]

Ideally, NO. The one that got away is often made up to be something they really weren't. If you are happy with your partner the old ghost should die a fitting death.

[Anonymous]

I think everybody (both genders) do that to some extent.

[Vegasrunner]

No. Most men prefer the woman that truly wants them.

[Bklynbadboy12]

No way not even close

[jahaims]

That's for the mentally ill