Unrequited love and how do you handle being the one who doesn't return it?

[luvstoned4him]

This guy and I have been best friends for 7 years. Thing is he is head over heels in love with me. The problem is I don't feel the same way. I've hung out with him a few times and... nothing. I've even tried to force it. he's a really good guy; cares for me, checks up on me, helped me when I was sick.. but I don't know... he doesn't make me excited... It seems like the ones I love don't give a crap about me and the ones I don't feel anything for do..
Anyone ever felt this way?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks...

Updates

+1 y

Forgot to mention he has a girlfriend

[exitseven]

It is hard sometimes. I had a friend and I know she wanted to make it more than it was. She was really a nice girl, she was pretty and smart but I just did not feel the same way about her. I actually tried to because being with her would have made a lot of sense instead of the relationship I was in.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[luvstoned4him]

@exitseven your welcome 😁

[Rudon00]

Oh yes😔😔😔

Its a very complicated situation 😩😩

[luvstoned4him]

@Rudon00 true

[Rudon00]

The best I can advice you is to let the person know how you truly feels in not having the same feelings for that person as they may be feeling.

While it may hurt the individual and make you feel uncomfortable. Nothing can be more further way from the true luvstoned4him.

[luvstoned4him]

@Rudon00 you're right

[Rudon00]

Given that you mentioned he has a girlfriend. I say passed on him Luvstoned4him that guy is on games.

[luvstoned4him]

@Rudon00 thanks

[Rudon00]

Xoxo

[lightbulb27]

yea, I was on the "give" and not get for longer than that.

What you are doing is wasting his time and he is wasting his time. It sucks, but gotta cut him loose and suffer the pain. The problem is that, in all likelyhood... you are filling a space in his life and disabling him from suffering and finding someone who will accept him. And you are filling a void until someone better comes along, which could possibly be more hard on you in reality. What you "love" and feelings are needs understood, examined, and possibly corrected if it is not healthy for you. When there is an empty space in your life, you will have better chance to find someone else in my experience because the heart and hormones will encourage you to find them. Plug the hole with them and you'll skip through life without clearing up the emotional issues nor building a life of your own.

it may be an interesting exercise to explore... on your own or with him, what the attraction is, whats the connection and lack of. it's sub conscious and from childhood more than likely. seeing how you relate can help you either move forward or break it and move on because understanding helps. Understanding what you need and want and how the other isn't providing it can also help.

p. s. been a long time, hope you are well! I got married recently! it's not over til it's over!

[luvstoned4him]

@lightbulb27 I understand where you are coming from. Even though I know u don't have "love" feelings for him, I can't mistake the fact that he is still a really great friend and I really wish I could've done more than just friend zone him. Also, congrats. Wow. May God bless your union and may you have many happy years together.

[Kaneki05]

Pfft 7 years. I think it's always best just to shut it down and not be friends right away, because for the rest of time they could have hope and be stringed along even if that wasn't the intent.
And even if you tell someone no. There feelings aren't really gonna get less as the spend time with you scientifically there only gonna increase or stay the same.
So unless they quickly find someone else to latch onto, just seems like a very bad situation to be in.
I would 100% just stop things with them.

But also for me it's always the other way around so. And me getting strung along.

[luvstoned4him]

@Kaneki05 thanks for your input. I get what you are saying. Thing is even though I don't love him, I really value his friendship. He sees me as wifey material while I see him as best friend and it's so sad

[TommyMountainFigure]

Don't take this the wrong way, but you are someone who needs to have their heart broken by a person before you realise you love them!
The sooner you open your eyes to the fact that isn't love, but excitement at best? The happier you'll be!

[TommyMountainFigure]

I learned the hard way MANY years ago. It was painful but a valuable lesson!

[luvstoned4him]

@TommyMountainFigure I'm not following... 🤔

[TommyMountainFigure]

Ok let me explain. The reason you don't like guys who fall madly in love with you is because it's too easy. You crave the thrill of the chase and having to work hard for their acceptance and only then do you fall in love. It's actually very common
If a guy treats you badly, you might curse him and tell yourself you loathe him, but inside something is telling you that you need to feel validation from him, and THAT is what I think you think love is.
Of course, I could be wrong or you might not want to admit it, but that's my logic anyway to what I think you're going through.

[luvstoned4him]

@TommyMountainFigure could be

[luvstoned4him]

@TommyMountainFigure he has a girlfriend though. I forgot to mention that

[TommyMountainFigure]

@luvstoned4him Blimey. That's a pretty big bit of information you left out. It changes everything.

[luvstoned4him]

@TommyMountainFigure I know and am sorry for that

[Anonymous]

I think you are in delusion to think he is your friend. He doesn’t want you as a friend. He is doing everything he can for you because he wants you. If he wasn’t interested in you, he would treat you the same way he would treat a guy. Since he continues to pursue you, it’s likely because you haven’t turned him down. If you have no interest in him, you probably won’t. Since he has a girlfriend, he probably wouldn’t break up with her unless you got with him. That’s my opinion. You know your situation better than anyone.

[Gramkabir]

The best way to stay away for a couple of months. If you really called yourself best friend then for the better of your friend you should stay away.

He'll be hurt initially but at the end he'll understand. If he's strong enough, you two can be friends again in later.

[luvstoned4him]

@Gramkabir, Update. So we had an argument and he blocked me. So I guess our friendship of 9 years has finally ended. I really dont believe in throwing away long and great friendships but I guess its for the best.

[Gramkabir]

Just give it some time... He'll come back as a solid friend to you... Let him give some time to recover from you..

[luvstoned4him]

@Gramkabir you honestly think that's possible? Him recovering from meni mean?

I want it to get to a point where we both don't have feelings for one another and just remain great friends. Gosh, I've even limited out hang outs to once a year but his feelings are strong

[CallmeTheKnight]

So why is he still around? You tried it and still didn't work, so why do YOU let this poor man linger onto hope that's not even there?

Cut the crap, you like the attention because you're not gonna get it from someone you like. Stop using that man and let him go, it's toxic

[luvstoned4him]

@callmetheknight I'm not using him. Notice I said I value our friendship

[CallmeTheKnight]

Please don't even try that. Many women have said that with many guys and people on the outside can see it for what it really is. You can't think there is a friendship when There is no friendship at all. It died when one person wanted romance. You need to stop valuing the attention he gives you and let him give his affection to someone that's willing to receive it.

You don't want him, you admitted that. Yet, you value the "friendship". You have to face the reality of that situation and stop convincing yourself that you're friends

[luvstoned4him]

@callmetheknight forgot to mention he has a girlfriend but what you are saying is true

[Anonymous]

ahh you're a piece of shit good to know

[luvstoned4him]

@Anon why would you say such a thing?

[Opinion Owner]

uh why would you act that way towards a guy another fellow human being such as yourself?

[luvstoned4him]

@Anon act how? Also forgot to mention he has a girlfriend.. so am I still the bad guy or what?