How do you deal with being on the other side of unrequited love?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy whilst on a training course with my work. He was first to approach me and I was very shy and nervous on the course but him and another guy really bought me out of my shell and supported me a lot.

I moved over for work to be with my long time partner soon to be husband in only 4 months and when I told this guy about this he seemed really shocked because he thought I was his age turns out there's a 5 year age difference between me and him.

He also had a girlfriend on another course too at the time and tried to befriend her but she didn't want to know and was very controlling over him. They were on and off for 2 years and eventually broke up last summer.

During this time we became really close friends but things started to get messy so we decided to just keep are distance from each other out of respect which I think was a really mature decision of both of us instead of going ahead and doing something we'd regret.

We'd often I'm excuses to talk to each other but eventually he left work to find a new job as he said he couldn't take being around me anymore knowing we could never be together.

I only told my partner but this lad at work had a crush on me never told him but he told me he was in love with me so he didn't take it so seriously as this guy lives close by and I often pass him in the street and I'm even chatty with his mother as we once met and she gave me a lift home.

He likes all my fb post just not ones with my partner in and now he's dating someone who looks just like me and happens to my cousins god daughter which makes it even more strange.

We saw each other at a mutual friends birthday party recently and everyone was talking about me getting married soon. We got talking a little when we were alone and he said "it's not exactly something I'm happy about but it's something I'm gonna have to get over like everything else". He said he just wanted me to be happy and but he can't deny but it's killing him inside.

Updates

1 mo

He soon left after saying what he said and apologies if he'd upset me or made me feel bad about getting married.

I'm pretty much over the feelings I had for him because I forced them out because I already have my ture love and he treats me so well I can't imagine my life with anyone but him. I just feel sorry for the girl he's with but if the roles were reserved I'd be gutted.

I told him he needs to break up with that girl and focus on himself because he's not gonna make him or her happy

[lightbulb27]

So it's not about you, you are wondering how the other girl deals with it?

I agree with your conclusion, he should take a break and cleanup the mess... be honest with his girlfriend on his emotional state, and then decide to work on himself and let go, completely disassociate from you.

If that doesn't work, then help him understand how you are a difficult impossible person with all sorts of flaws, mood swings, personality defects, etc.. he needs to "unperfect" you in his head.

damn bonding drugs and minds eye perfecting what is flawed...

I had that more than once. My wife helped me get past one, but there were others before that. You move on from it by realizing how the other person is flawed, it didn't work or doesn't, and you focus on appreciating and loving the person you have or are going to find.

[Jamie05rhs]

If you're not happy about marrying your fiance, then don't marry him! You have a CHOICE, girl!

[Asker]

I want to marry my partner we are very happy and in love. I'm so excited to be his wife and hopefully have a family together we talk about it all the time.

There was a time I had a little crush on that guy but it wasn't worth losing amazing relationship with my partner for so I ignored it and this other guy tried to as well as he respected but I was in a relationship so we decided to be distant with each other but we'd often find ourselves drifting back to each other. I just saw us as really close friends but he couldn't so he decided to leave work and get a new job to help move on but we live in a very small town were we often bump into each other and have mutual friends so its hard to avoid each other especially because no one else knows so it be strange if we suddenly stopped talking to each other at a friends party

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. Then stop talking to this other dude.

[Anonymous]

As in you don’t have feelings for him but feel bad he still wants you? You need to leave him alone. Totally. It’s the only way he can get over you. Otherwise it’s just torture for him. Don’t initiate contact. Be polite if he does but don’t lead him on. Just my advice as I’ve been in his shoes and it’s so very painful.

[rienna888]

umm, it's good you got over your feelings for him. Just try to avoid him until things get less messy or he gets over you.

[WhitneySnow]

He really has it bad for you. How did things get messy?

[Asker]

We were really close friends at work and I think it meant a lot to him but I was there for him when he broke up with his first girlfriend. he's not very good with emotions and has told me this himself but he struggles to talk about his feelings and I think I was the only person at the time he felt comfortable talking with about that stuff.
There was this one time we were in the maintenance room together alone and we were being silly racing each other to see who could do there job the quickest and when we went to but are paper work away he went to kiss me. I pushed him off and pretended like it never happened but the next day he said he was really sorry and begged me not to get him done for sexual harassment I would never do that anyway unless he proceeded to try to kiss him after I pushes him off. Young men are still capable of making stupid mistakes without being labled a sex pest. He took I wasn't into it and just got caught up in the moment.

After that we both admitted to each other but there was obviously some mutual feelings going on but out of respect for my relationship with my partner we'd stay away from each other which worked for a long time until I broke a wall light and had to be the one to fix it for me. We got chatting about life and stuff and he said he missed me and was in love with me.

Usually I'd be creeped out by this but we did have a really close bond so I understand were he's coming from. It feels like with my partner I have but he's mr right and but I should definitely be marrying him because he is the love of my life and this guy is just so young and infatuated

[WhitneySnow]

It sounds like you have feelings for both of them but you’re staying loyal to your partner. That’s great. He just needs to accept that.

[NathanDavis]

if is not mutual... it is not love

so, nothing to deal with...

[Anonymous]

So you strung him along then expect him to dump his girlfriend trying to break them up wow you are an asshole

[Opinion Owner]

Hey demi guess what NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR "SOON TO BE HUSBAND" so FUCK OFF

[Anonymous]

I don't let those things happen.