What do you think of people who don't enter a relationship until their 30s?

[Anonymous]

[Flatmanlewis]

I think they may have had their own reasons. I’ve known a few men, and a couple of women, who did this. Sometimes it was a career, for others it was to travel and do some things that required more freedom. For others they got tired of the dating scene and decided to just shelf it for a while. Others just are comfortable being alone and felt no internal pressure to have a significant other.


The worst choice a person can make is to enter a phase life where they are not fully ready or committed. To hold off until time is right is an act of caring and love - for yourself and the person you’ll be spending time with. Those who tend to associate being in a relationship with some status as being successful or a winner tend to have a large void in themselves and need the outside validation. At least, this is the optic I’ve come to view it through now. I didn’t always see it this way and may have made a mistake in the past that taught me this.

[Asker]

Wow great comment. You are correct. The worse choice a person can make is to enter into a phase in life where they are not fully ready or committed for sure! I know for me I thought I was ready in my early 20s but I was far from ready for something so serious. When you enter a serious relationship its not just I but you and that person. You become a unit and have to put a lot of selfish things behind you.

[Flatmanlewis]

I rushed into a marriage in my late 20’s partly due to pressure to have a woman and also trying to beat some timeline where I thought not being married by 30 was some kind of black mark. I idiotically believed that 30 was the peak of life only to later find out it was figuratively and literally just the beginning. I can honestly say 20s are fun, but little more. 30s we’re where I starting having real success in life and by 36 I was literally living my dream life. A large part of that was I got rid of the previous marriage, learned A LOT from that failure, and moved into a new career path, met my absolute dream woman, and everything took off from there.

[Asker]

Well I'm so glad that you found your dream woman and that everything took off from there for you!

[AviatorTom]

It depends. If they spend their 20s maturing, getting their act together, and developing their career, it's a good idea to wait until their 30s to have a relationship.

If they are homebodies, never going out or trying to meet people, I fell sorry for them, they are missing out on a lot of life.

[Peridot25]

I don’t trust people very easily.

[Peridot25]

My dad told me wait until I’m in my 30s to date.
At first I thought he was messing with me because you know he’s dad and all dads say that.
But, now that I think about it, I’m glad I didn’t date around when I was younger. Whether it be in high school or in my 20s. I trusted NO guy growing up.
If it’s too late for me now, oh well. I’m just glad I didn’t jump into a relationship out of desperation and have it go south badly 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

My mom told me similar. I'm so glad I didn't either and waited until I was mature enough to handle being in a relationship at 31. Also I don't think it's too late for you now. I didn't find my person until 31.

[Peridot25]

I just wish society would stop pressuring everyone to find someone. I mean, if a couple wants kids, I can understand why a woman would be in somewhat more of a hurry. But, that’s here or there. People just need to calm the hell down.

[Asker]

I wholeheartedly agree. I didn't feel pressure to get into a relationship with my boyfriend. It just happened and I believe that's how it should be. It should just happen naturally. No one should feel forced into being with someone. It will never work out like that.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker I agree with you.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Peridot25 Nobody said anything about dating around.

[Rei13]

I don’t think it’s a big deal. I didn’t date my boyfriend until I was thirty and we are building a life together where the relationships in my twenties didn’t have that. Everyone moves at their own pace. If you never date until your thirties it can mean a lot of things whether good or bad. You don’t need a relationship to feel happy or fulfilled, and there is no wrong time to meet your person.

[Asker]

Same here. And I agree.

[ProbablyClueless]

Considering the amount of stupid bullshit that can prevent you from getting into a relationship that you have no control over, I totally get how/why someone wouldn't have dated anyone until their 30s.

That being said, my empathy drops off for anyone who absolutely had the opportunity to date but chose not to. Usually the "I'm just not ready to date" types who "can't form connections with others" but somehow always seem to find themselves in situations where they are absolutely forming emotional connections with people. THOSE people are almost always wack jobs.

[HighValue]

For a woman to do that, she lost most good quality potential mates. For a man to do that, he likely has more knowledge and resources by then, making his potential mating prospects better as long as he wasn't dumb enough to participate in hook up culture and owe child support.

[Peridot25]

I’m 31 and never dated. Should I even bother?

[HighValue]

I would suggest making it your top priority at your age if you want someone you will be happy with long term.

[Peridot25]

Thing is I’m not desperate. Should I be desperate?

[Unit1]

That depends on their story.

My 20s are ending and i haven't been in a relationship because i was stranded in a abusive country from which people are massively fleeing from and i don't speak their language and they Don't speak English or German. I escaped when i was 27 years old. That was my entire focus.

[Asker]

Wow I'm so sorry.

[ChiTown33]

Irrelevant. And I wouldn't want to know somebody who judged somebody as "unworthy" just because they haven't been in one. Could it signal a problem connecting with people? Yeah. But it could just as easily be the opposite. That he/she does not take people and connection to them lightly.

[Asker]

I agree.

[IslaTheWitch]

It depends on why they don't enter relationships... but I, in general, believe that being in a relationship is the same as everything else; we have to practice it to be better at it...

[Asker]

That's true.

[Nikki1989]

Sucks to be them. Must be rough, failing at life in that way, but we all can't be winners.

[Asker]

What if it was a choice though? What if they could have entered one before then but decided not to because of being raped or something? Does that still make them a failure in that way?

[PeachyPie93]

I wouldn't think much, but if they were hoeing around through their 20's I wouldn't consider dating them.

[lightbulb27]

something went wrong. but it's just getting started cause it's not over til it's over.

that was me.

[sawno]

Unwise for women, increasingly common for men.

[Asker]

Not always though. I got into my first relationship at 31 and on my way to getting married in about a year or so.

[sawno]

Its lower chances than in their 20s, of course it can still turn out well. Glad your on the going well side :D

[SolitarySolace]

I consider them strong individuals. I hope to be like that but go my entire life without a relationship

[Asker]

Wow. I don't know if I could go my entire life without ever being in a relationship. What if you meet the one for you? Are you just going to pass it up?

[patrick994]

I don't think there is anything wrong with that

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think they are still waiting to find the right person. I'm one of them and thats my reason.

[Asker]

Good for you!

[Night_Descends]

Whatever works for them I guess.

What could be the reason though? I'm curious 😊

[Asker]

Well I know for me it was because I was sexually assaulted in my early 20s.

[Night_Descends]

Ohh I am sorry to read that :( I was abused as well... :(
I assume you haven't been able to come out of it yet?

[Asker]

Yes I have. I'm in a relationship now but it took years to recover from it. I'm sorry you were abused as well! : (

[Night_Descends]

I hope you are doing well in your relationship now :D

And it's ok, much appreciated 😊❤️

[Asker]

Thank you! I am! 😊❤

[JayBones]

If you aren't married before 27 your going to have a bad time.

[Asker]

I highly disagree with that. If you are married before 27, you might find yourself more likely to be divorced 10 years later. You don't really know who you are in your 20s and you really don't start to find yourself until your 30s.

[JayBones]

Yeah, maybe if you're a phony or an immature idiot. Statistically, I am right, and you are wrong. Trust the science.

[Asker]

www.google.com/.../

[Asker]

ifstudies.org/.../

[Asker]

The sweet spot according to these two articles is 28-32.

[Asker]

So you trust the science.

[Asker]

Are you even married?

[JayBones]

Married for 20 years.

[JayBones]

The first of my many friends and the only one still married

[JayBones]

The statistics are regional. Where I grew up in Philly there was only one family out of 100 that was still married. Now here in Texas divorce is twice or three times as rare.

[Asker]

Okay so you're obviously being biased. And you are speaking in times of the past. You're 42. This is a new generation where marriage is more successful for people who are in their late 20s to mid 30s. Many people don't really have the money to get married before then. People are going for their Masters degrees and PHDs before getting married which is smart.

[JayBones]

Money to get married? It costs 32 dollars for a marriage license. The new generation you speak of haven't had 10 years to calculate their success. Masters degrees and PHDs cost more than they are worth... unless some loser Democrat raises inflation to 11% to pay it off. You will see. I'll be long retired and off this sight to tell you "I told you so"

[Asker]

Maybe not but you want to have all your ducks in a row such as a house to live in for your and your spouse which costs money, you may want a traditional wedding which costs money, the rings can be pricey and you want to have money saved up for other things like a honeymoon and raising your children. Of course you don't have to have all these things to get married but for the average couple, you would want all these things. Having a high paying job will get you all of these things which usually means you have to have a Masters degree or PHD to achieve getting a high paying job these days. Not for everyone but for the majority of people. No one wants to be in a broke marriage. Money problems is one of the top reasons why people get divorced.

[JayBones]

They fool you kids so bad and it's sad. I paid for my wedding myself. I paid 11k and that included the rings. I told my wife this is stupid. Let's buy gold instead and just get married. (Could have also spent that money to buy a house at the time) 5 years later neither of us even wore our rings, the money was gone the morning after the wedding and just a memory (memory for some, most forgot it because they were drunk) and the gold would have been worth 35,000. We never had enough to buy a house until I was 39. Life is fucked up and never "the right time" you will never pe prepared for it... unless you have that one person that went through the shit and will keep doing so.

[Peridot25]

Well, I’m past 27. Guess I’m fucked 😂

[dudeinohio]

Hey, anytime is a good time to get into a relationship

[Asker]

I definitely agree

[OtterMan68]

if they are waiting for the right person and/or to be financially stable, more power to them

[Asker]

For me it was waiting on the right person to understand my trauma of being sexually assaulted in my 20s. I finally found him at 31 and we plan on getting married soon.

[DextroShade]

Understandable for men, but for women it means something is really wrong with them.

[Asker]

Why is it that something is wrong with a woman if she doesn't enter a relationship until her 30s? But not a guy?

[DextroShade]

Because she is past her prime while he is just hitting his. She would have wasted her best years and opportunity to get the best guy.

[Asker]

I disagree with that. Women can still birth babies into their 40s. A woman being past her prime is like after 45.

[DextroShade]

40's is high-risk geriatric pregnancy. That also is not even getting into that older women have higher body counts, more trauma, more baggage, more bad habits, and less likely to pair-bond and submit to her man. All the things that make her valuable to men like her beauty, innocence, chastity, pliability, and fertility are greatly diminished.

[Asker]

Some don't. Like I don't have a high body count or baggage or bad habits and I am very submissive. I am currently with the love of my life and we hope to be married very soon. I plan on having my first child before 35. But I might not have my last until 40 to 45.

[DextroShade]

Maybe you and a few others don't but most do and that makes them unattractive to men.

[Peridot25]

You’re absolutely right! I should have lost my virginity to the very first guy that was interested in me and married him on the spot.

[Peridot25]

I should have done that in high school.

[DextroShade]

@Peridot25 marrying your high-school sweetheart like most people used to do is preferable to dying alone.

[Peridot25]

@DextroShade I guess I miss the protocol because I never had a high sweetheart. Oh well 🤷‍♀️

[Booklover_90]

Absolutely nothing. I’m actually one of those people. 😅

[patois]

Do whatever works for you.

[MemeSupreme]

they probably missed out on a lot