Why are people so contradicting when it comes to cheaters?

[sunshinexoxo9]

A cheater gets caught and expresses remorse and feels horrible

Replies: ''You're only sorry you got caught. If you're remorseful you would've confessed.''

A cheater actually confesses the next day, feels remorse and lets the person decide

Replies: ''Good but you only confessed to get rid of your guilt. You should've just broken up''.

A cheater admits to having no guilt about it or doesn't care

Replies: ''You still owe them an apology at least. You lack empathy. At least say sorry.''

I've never cheated and understand they shouldn't have done the cheating but it happened. After it happened there is no point in telling ''you shouldn't have done it''. It's already done. Why are they people on sites (esp on reddit, known for lashing out even if the cheater had a drunken kiss and reacting the same as if it was a long-term affair) so contradicting?

[SolitarySolace]

Because they know what they did and once a cheater always a cheater. What I don’t understand is why people don’t immediately break up when they find out. All of my exes cheated on me and I broke up with each and every one of them

[sunshinexoxo9]

I don't understand that either but at least I give the unremorseful cheater some credits for saying they got no remorse for it. The last case seems straight to the point. That cheater is more like a ''yeah I cheated and what, I feel no remorse about it''. The repliers wanted honesty and that's exactly what the last cheater is giving them.

[Miristheiss]

Cheaters.

DUMP THEM. Do not communicate with them.

Cheaters, never commit to them or date/marry them. If anyone has EVER cheated in the past they are forever a no go for relationships.

Anyone who doesn't follow these rules, you deserve whatever misery that comes your way.

Most cheaters display red flags when dating. Wise people end things and walk away when boundaries start getting crossed and red flags pop up. Fools just keep plowing ahead with this person.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the curious case of the cheater's paradox! It's like a never-ending tango where no step seems right once the tune of fidelity ends abruptly. You see, cheating shakes the trust foundation to its core, and once that's rattled, it's challenging for anyone to view actions without suspicion or bitterness. The heart of the matter is trust and broken promises, my friend.

When a cheater shows remorse after getting caught, the cynics might say, "Ah, crocodile tears, darling!" because it appears reactive rather than proactive. On the flip side, if one confesses outright, it's seen as offloading guilt rather than a genuine act of repentance. "Oh, are you trying to cleanse your guilty conscience at my emotional expense?" they might think. And let's not forget the unapologetic cheater. That just turns the knife in the wound, with folks arguing, "At least pretend to care!"

The truth is, these contrasting reactions highlight an underlying quest for authenticity and a genuine resolve to mend what's been broken, which is as rare as finding a unicorn in Los Angeles traffic. Responses vary because people seek different things for closure or healing, often shaped by their experiences and perspectives on trust and betrayal.

And, oh, the online world, with its anonymity, can sometimes be like throwing tomatoes at the stage from the safety of the dark. It's easier to unleash one's inner critic when the stage is the internet, particularly on platforms like Reddit, where the collective outrage can amplify. It's a tough crowd, but remember, behind every sharp comment is a person who's probably trying to navigate their understanding of love, betrayal, and forgiveness, just like everyone else. Keep dancing through the complexities of human relationships with your heart open and your footwork ready for whatever comes next! 💃🕺

[sunshinexoxo9]

yeah seems like a lose-lose for all the 3 cases. People on that reddit site or others advocate honesty so much and at least the unapologetic cheater is being honest in expressing they have no remorse for it. By telling them to at least say sorry (faking remorse basically) and show empathy that's the opposite of honest.

[sunshinexoxo9]

then this is another example too:
If a cheater explains what happened, the repliers say ''You cheated because you wanted to, period''.
If the cheater says ''Well I cheated because I wanted to, period''... the repliers will say ''geez, have some empathy at least, but seriously why did you cheat? LOL

[jahaims]

That isn't what a contradiction is. Cheaters are trash and should be treated as such.

[boggboss]

I haven't seen the same people say it

[sunshinexoxo9]

It's different people but you get the point, on all the scenarios of a cheater either expressing remorse or being honest about not feeling sorry at all, they always argue against it.

They repliers always say ''No, you cheated because you wanted to, because you're selfish''. Yet if a cheater literally says exact that ('I cheated because I wanted to and was selfish''), the repliers get upset the cheater isn't showing much empathy, isn't elaborating in his/her response on why they cheated and argues against that too.

[boggboss]

Thats simply different people giving different options on somthing they see as disgusting cheaters will never get sympathy as that tends to be what the posts look for

[sunshinexoxo9]

Yet the unremorseful cheater doesn't sound like he/she wants sympathy at all. They are giving the repliers an honest reply at least by saying they feel no remorse. That's better than faking remorse.

[boggboss]

Even if its better the baises is shit so people will treat them shitty I'm yet to see a cheater post about cheating and it not seem like they are doing it for attention or for sympathy

[sunshinexoxo9]

It's hard to when nothing they write suits the repliers. For instance if someone cheated by only a quick drunken kiss (I repeat a kiss, not sex, a kiss) with random person that lasted seconds and then feels terrible and leaves the party with guilt... tells that story, I fail to see that would be for attention or sympathy. They could be just telling the story as it is.
It's when people asked why they cheated, the cheater gives them the answer but they still say ''no you did it because you wanted it''... so why ask then.

[sunshinexoxo9]

That example I've just given is different than a cheater that had a long-term affair and was hiding it for so long until caught.

[boggboss]

Yet cheating is cheating a drunk kiss is still a kiss no she is telling the story and looking for or expecting what from strangers online people to say its not that bad?

[boggboss]

And yet it's still cheating yes it had less incentive but its still betraying ones partner

[sunshinexoxo9]

I know it's cheating but the intensity isn't exactly the same. It's not the same stealing a small bottle of water and robbing a bank at gunpoint and stealing millions of dollars.

[boggboss]

Yet both go to prison nobody is saying they are the exact same but they are by default both shit and people will treat them like shit because of it

[laly520]

waste of time to forgive a cheater

[sunshinexoxo9]

I think the only time I might ''forgive'' one and trust can still be there is if they had drunken kiss (as long as it was just a kiss, not sex, not oral... a kiss) for a few seconds with a random person at a party, leave the party is disgust and call you immediately at that moment and tells you about. I wouldn't really feel betrayed on that example but would be annoyed they couldn't control their drinks.

[sunshinexoxo9]

I don't think I would end a whole years of relationship or marriage for a quick drunken kiss. If it's sex, yeah they can take a hike; that's more personal and deeper.

[laly520]

yes I got ur point
drunken kiss could've happened when they r unaware

[sunshinexoxo9]

Exactly. I feel that example shouldn't have the same reaction nor be placed on the same category as a cheater than had an affair for several months. Someone crying for weeks because their partner had a quick drunken kiss and reacting as if it were an affair seems like an overreaction to me. It's like crying so badly because you lost your pencil.