Are divorced people more ideal for marriage than just single people without relationship experience?

[Olgamasha]

Or would you choose a completely single person who never got married and doesn’t have kids?

[Miah04]

No. Unmarried people can have just as much experience. Some people don't get married too soon. Some do.

There are so many variables as too how everything went down. And who was the problem in the marriage. And usually divorced people ain't gonna be like yeah i sucked as a husband or wife.

So you would be just like any relationship hearing one side of the reason for the divorce.

Plus the baggage that comes with divorced people as well.

So there is no clear answer as to this being the case

[PeachyPie93]

I don't think a divorced person would be better or worse than another person for a relationship. What matters is how someone is in general and if you have chemistry.

[nastyb]

chemistry is not going to sustain a forever marriage.

[PeachyPie93]

@nastyb Never said it would, but that is one of the things that is really important and will make you try to make that shit work out. Since no one is gonna really put effort into something where you both are incompatible and don't have proper chemistry.

[nastyb]

@PeachyPie93

it has little to do with chemistry. 100 years ago, people married the boy next door and they stayed married for the rest of their lives. Arranged marriages were common back then and people were set up to be married by their parents or relatives... a lot of these 70-90 yr olds are still married.

it shows that chemistry has little to do with anything... what makes a marriage work is two people wanting to make the marriage work.

Nowadays, people divorce not due to lack of chemistry but due to lack of determination to make things work. Modern day folks live with the mindset that "there is always someone better than the last".

if you hold this type of mentality, your chances of having a successful marriage is very small.

[nastyb]

@PeachyPie93

what you don't realize is that marrying due to love is fairly a recent thing , just over the past few decades. People married for stability back then and their marriage lasted.

As soon as marrying for romance became common, thats when divorces began to rise.

[PeachyPie93]

@nastyb People stayed together because they had to, not because they were compatible or anything of the sort. You just weren't allowed to divorce if things were shit. Plus woman didn't really have any options if she left her husband, what would she do? The reason there is more divorce is because we have the option to leave without the church not allowing you to, or society judging you harshly for divorcing. Plus woman can now support themselves if they don't have a husband.
Back in the day do you know how many husbands used to cheat and beat their wives because they knew they couldn't leave? That is the reality of why divorce wasn't common lol.

[nastyb]

@PeachyPie93

how would you feel if you went through torture carrying your baby during pregnancy and then going through hell to give birth to child, only to give your child away to be raised by their "step mom" who probably doesn't give two shits about your child?

kids aren't even raised by their parents anymore. do you think this is the type of shit that should be normal?

should you just try to make things work? or should you always try to find someone better than the last.

marriage has much more than romance, it is also about family.

men cheated back then but they never left their wives because they understood the value of family.
today, there's no remorse about having your kids to be raised by someone else. there is no real love or genuine connection between parent and child. everyone is always just looking for whats best for themselves, not their family.

[nastyb]

@PeachyPie93

[Plus woman can now support themselves if they don't have a husband. ]

actually single mothers have much higher poverty rates than two parent households. Children of single mothers are also more likely to face child abuse due to the immense stress of raising a child all on the mother's own.

are you going to do what is best for you? or are you going to do what is best for the kids / family?

[nastyb]

and here's the sad part... most divorces aren't even the result of cheating.

[PeachyPie93]

@nastyb I personally wouldn't give my kid away to their dad and I would make sure his new partner was a good and nice person to my kids. If not I'd get supervised visits.

I never said it should be normal, I have no idea why you are bringing these points up to me about divorce lol. Plus have you ever been married? If not, how do you think your opinion is valid?

I never said marriage was only about romance I said its about chemistry which is your connection, passion and romance, how well the two people get along together. Plus how the people are in general meaning: good morals, get along well, work well together, have good communication.

And yeah you should try to make things work in a marriage but you can only do so much if the other person isn't trying. It isn't always possible to stop a divorce if one or both people are miserable together.

No the reason they didn't leave was because there was a stigma that went with divorce, or they "loved" their wife's more than the trashbag they were sleeping with. Plus there also were the guys that "went out for a pack of smokes" and never came back and stared a new family across town lol

Yes I agree people don't seem to take marriage as seriously as they once did but what does that have to do with me? I just said I would date a divorced person because I personally don't care. I accept that yes some people make mistakes since we can't all know the future or that things won't work out with someone we loved lol.

[nastyb]

@PeachyPie93

chemistry can change over time. feelings are fickle and change over time. You can fall out of love in and out of marriage. You just don't know this because you have never been married. It is very common for married couples to fall in and out of love.

Your spouse may lose a leg, lose their ability to have sex. Thus you may feel your needs aren't satisfied. But your needs aren't everything. Sometimes marriage may not fulfill your needs.

Stop having this ideal of marriage where "chemistry has to be amazing forever" or "my husband needs to be able to sexually fulfill me forever" or "we must be able to do things together forever"

sometimes your spouse may have a disease or cannot walk and you may be doing all the housework, childcare, working a full time job. Marriage is about way more than just having fun, chemistry, excitement. That excitement tends to die down significantly over the years anyway.

People stayed married back then because they understood the value of family. Divorce wasn't not always taboo back then. People could easily run off and start a new life elsewhere, no divorce needed. They chose not to. They chose to live with their spouses, children and live together forever till their deaths.

Divorce really had not been common until people began marrying strictly for romantic reasons over the recent past few decades. Prior to this, marrying for love had never been common. YET, their marriages worked out.

[nastyb]

@PeachyPie93

[I personally wouldn't give my kid away to their dad and I would make sure his new partner was a good and nice person to my kids. If not I'd get supervised visits.]

sometimes, its not up to you to decide who gets the children. I have seen mothers ripped away from their children they worked so hard to give birth to. I have seen fathers who only get to see their kids once a month.

your ex husband gets to date whoever he wants. you don't get to decide who your child's step mom would be.

if the idea of your own precious child being raised by a complete stranger doesn't sound painful and unnatural to you... it means you have no real connection to your own children.

if you dont even have the most basic connection to your own children, this alone shows how little family means to you.

[PeachyPie93]

@nastyb I don't even know why you are bringing this up to me? I am not getting married to begin with and probably not having kids by how my life is going. So what do I give a shit about marriage and divorce? That is your issue not mine, I do not give a fuck about other peoples life's but my own.

[nastyb]

@PeachyPie93

its your terrible views on marriage / children that frightens me. it shows how ill valued and broken we are as people in order to believe that there is nothing wrong with divorce or that breaking up of families should be a natural everyday occurance.

[PeachyPie93]

@nastyb What are my views? Have you even been in a long term relationship? When you have, come back and let me know if your views are still the same.
I was with someone for 11 years, I knew after 4 I wasn't really into it. I tried to break up but he cried and bagged me to stay so I stayed for another 7 years. At that point there was no romance, there was no real need of each other so we went our separate ways. Now what did that accomplish besides me wasting my time, not getting fucked when I wanted, not being taken on dates, being ignored on the regular and for what? Even though I brought these issues up to him constantly he never cared or changed. I wasted my good, young years on a guy who couldn't be bothered to even show me real love so why would I care about divorce or any of the other shit? Men suck, they love bomb you and then once they know they have you, stop putting in effort but expect the same treatment from you. That is how people are, and it is disgusting so why would I care about other people and family and all that bullshit when it just makes you miserable anyways. I will NEVER marry because I don't want to ever be stuck in a similar situation that I was already in. MEN ALWAYS DISAPPOINT! So I don't give a fuck what you think about love and marriage you live your life how you want and I will live mine!

[Mr_twoface]

Everyone despite their experiences and baggage is ideal for marriage! I would say experiences are important so you can learn the roller coaster of a relationship because it's not always red roses in a relationship! In the end for me its all about the love for one and another and whether or not we are both individually matured to be in a relationship and deal with all the consequences that come with it!

[RavVid]

The female happiness with a partner decreases quite rapidly with the number of past partners though there is possibly some evidence it kicks up slightly after 30 past partners.

So you would be best opting for a girl who had never even been kissed.

[shoeboxcerealcard]

Because people don't practice gratitude. Abundance will turn anyone into ungrateful unless they practice grateful everyday and come from that place.

[Olgamasha]

Why men expect women to have lesser exes than themselves? I don’t get it.

[RavVid]

@shoeboxcerealcard There is a good reason for saying grace! Hadn't thought of it like that - thank you. The gem of the week. :)

[RavVid]

It was a pick one option. Nothing says it was realistic.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Aim: Spice things up by discussing the ideal choices for marriage based on relationship history.

Diving straight into the love ocean, let's talk about the charm and challenges that come with picking your forever co-captain. 🚀 Opting for someone who's been through the waves of marriage before, such as a divorced individual, might bring to the table a seasoned navigator who's no stranger to storms. They've got experience, they know how to steer through choppy waters, and they're likely crystal clear about what they want (or don't want) in their next adventure. 💔➡️💖

On the flip side, embracing a heart that's never been entwined in marriage's embrace could be equally thrilling. Imagine being the one to explore uncharted territories together, without any baggage or predetermined routes. Fresh, eager, and ready to learn what it means to commit for the long haul. 🌱➡️🌳

Here's where it gets cheeky: There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. Whether it's the wisdom of a weathered sailor or the zest of a newbie, the key is syncing your navigational styles. Find someone whose heart's compass points in the same direction as yours. 🧭💞 Let's sail away from the shore of 'ideal choices' and head towards the horizon of 'personal compatibility.' After all, isn't love the greatest adventure of them all?

[Berethor]

They divorced in the past, what make you think they don't divorce again? and someone else's kids? who want them? more than single, I would choose a virgin, as she is best.

[Olgamasha]

Are you also a virgin if I may ask?

[Berethor]

I am talking in general and you asking me personal question, what the point of that?

allthetropes.org/wiki/Nature_Adores_a_Virgin

[Olgamasha]

The crazy thing is men expect women to stay virgins while men can have sex before marriage. This is double standard, and toxic. If you want a virgin you should remain virgin too.

[SolitarySolace]

Divorced people, especially divorced men, are the worst type to marry because they’ve been fucked over in divorce court which always favors women. He will just increasingly expect the same shit to happen again and again and again unless he doesn’t give a shit about himself. I’m meeting more and more men who just don’t give a shit about themselves.

[Olgamasha]

Are they also the least reliable in your opinion because they are divorced?

[shoeboxcerealcard]

Both are not ideal partners unless one of them knows how results actually happen. Idc if someone knows the wrong way; that doesn't mean they know the right way. You can't leave these things up to luck and chance. You have to know what you're doing and if you don't you need to find someone who does so they can tell you. This is your life. You could have 2 years left for all you know.

[DJB72]

A previous divorce - especially with kids - and I'd be wary. Although my age and never married is a question mark as well.

I'd talk and find out why they divorced. If she's got kids - especially plural as multiple fathers is an instant red flag - I'd want her to tell me what kind of father they were, because that's what she's going to be saying about me if we split.

But what do I know? I've been married 20 years and only dated two other women.

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

I'd prefer to rough it out with the girl lacking in relationship experience. Nothing against divorced people, but most of them I'm aware of have trauma that they carry onto the next relationship; you end up suffering from the mistakes the last guy made

[Nikki1989]

More experience in everything is always better. It is the ones that lose in relationships and give up that are the real losers. People who bounce back from bad experiences are the real keepers.

[shoeboxcerealcard]

People get divorced for a reason. Unless they know the reason and have fixed it, they are open to make the same mistakes. Many mistakes are often obvious and people make them because they are living on autopilot.

[JacobJordan]

Hell no. I would take the single no kids never had a relationship over the divorced woman every time. Not a chance in hell I would marry a divorced woman

[Likes2drive]

Usually someone that’s been divorced is really experienced and if they consider marriage again then they know they are the right person since they not what problems to look for already before getting married again

[Jay-_-]

No I wouldn't say more ideal they're divorced for a reason, that one guy with no relationship experience could treat you better than anyone you've ever met, don't shoot it down some guys could love hard, I would know 😭👌🏼.

[boggboss]

Their is no 1to1 answer here sometimes that epirance is a good thing othertimes it also carries truma that can hurt a relationship

[lorenzomichael]

My wife is a family law attorney.. and she tells me the people that come to her office to get divorced from their spouse end up getting divorced over and over again. So I would take my chance on a single person with no experience.

[strateguy632]

no way! the opposite. divorcees have emotional "baggage" that will often surface.

[Anonymous]

No. It depends on the circumstances of the divorce, but in general women are the initiators of divorce, largely because modern women lack commitment. So in general I see divorced women as a red flag.

[Anonymous]

There is no correct answer to this. Experience DOESN'T make you better at relationships. It all comes down to each person.

[Sam12348]

Doesn't matter. What matters is if I get along or not

[sing_in_the_shower]

both have their issues
divorcees are often jaded
while singles are often inexperienced

[robhazelnut]

It takes two. 🙂

[AmyHew1tt]

I'd choose a completely single person.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Single virgins 20s. Are.

[JayBones2469]

Divorced people are failures.

[Olgamasha]

That is mean to say!

[JayBones2469]

The truth is mean. Stop being weak. Life is hard. It's even hard when you are stupid

[Olgamasha]

Haha 😅 you have not met the right people in your life.
Insulting a person is also self degrading

[JayBones2469]

Cope harder.