My fiancé doesn’t spend time with me, only to have sex. Is it worth trying to fix the relationship?

[Liillo]

Hi, so my fiancé and I have been together for three years engaged for two, and we don’t live together for family reasons. It’s just over an hour drive to each other.

Now this has been going on for about a year he’s stopped taking me out on dates and rarely comes over to mine. If I don’t go to his he just won’t see me at all though there are times I come over WHEN HE ASKS and plan the day, he asks for sex then when it’s time to leave he says no he wants to go out with his friends or play online.

He was never like this he used to tell off his friends when they suggested cancelling plans with me to spend time with them, he’d have something planned every weekend and flowers/ gifts.
I’m not asking for all of that even though it was nice I just feel ugly and unwanted around him now. Even talking to his family I feel out of place and I don’t like going over anymore because of this.

I have mentioned this to him so many times and he apologises but nothing changes. A couple months ago I did the immature thing and only answered when he messaged first. We didn’t see each other for a month, hadn’t had sex in nearly two and all our texts looked like acquaintance coworkers. It was “how was your day?” “Okay” “ goodnight” everyday.

I asked to meet up at a cafe to sort things out and it was like an awkward first date. He didn’t want to talk about anything going on. He wasn't rude but wouldn’t say what was going on. After eating he wanted to watch a movie and that was the night, we went home.

I texted him after saying more or less what I wrote here, he said he felt awkward too and didn’t know what to do. I suggested couples therapy, he shut it down. I asked if he still loved me, he said yes but doesn’t know what to do. I tried giving options to fix us, if he didn’t immediately shut it down he just repeated that he doesn’t know what to do.
I think part of me has checked out of the relationship but I still love him but thinking about him gets me so frustrated

[Mr_twoface]

I am truly sorry to hear about your tough situation and from the sound of it, it's clear you've put a lot of thought and effort into trying to make things work. It's tough when the effort isn't reciprocated, especially in a relationship that meant so much to you. From what you've described, it seems like there's a significant disconnect between your needs and what your fiancé is currently able to provide. I believe in any given relationship, it is important for both partners to feel valued and desired, and not feeling this way can be deeply hurtful.

Since talking to him hasn't changed anything and he's resistant to counselling, you might need to think about whether this relationship is providing you with the love, respect, and partnership you deserve. From what you wrote, it doesn’t seem like that, and you would be better off to break off the engagement and move on with your life.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel loved and valued, not just someone who is there. It's okay to prioritize your happiness, even if that means making difficult decisions. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s in your best interest. You have every right to put your own well-being first!

[David94358]

It's not going to get any better once you are married, right now because of the distance you don't get to spend much time together, but when you actually get together he puts min effort into it? That's a huge red flag and will just get worse as time goes on.

Sucks but time to ditch out

[avery58]

I went through something similar, it's better to leave than to feel like you're begging someone for attention. You already talked about it with him and the conversation gave no fruits, not much more that you can do. And the way he has been acting and keeps shutting every suggestion down makes me think that he wants to break up but wants you to be the one to do it because he's too much of a sissy to.

Ask him if he thinks it's better to just end the relationship and move on and go from there. Also ask him to give you an explanation as to why he has been so distant, not just apologize for it. Because there has to be a reason for his lack of motivation and blowing you off.

If he wants to continue and doesn't putt any effort into fixing it then leave, you don't have to put up with that disrespect. You can find someone who will prioritize you and be honest. Good luck.

[DishLady]

If you're already going (or hit the point that you're thinking of going) to couple's therapy before you're married that's a read flag NOT to get married... You've got issues with your guy and he's already shutting down before you're hitched... You shouldn't marry. Period.

[AI Opinion]

Sounds like you're caught in quite the love tangle, huh? 🌀 Love should feel like a cozy blanket, not a chilly breeze. Your situation smells more like the latter, unfortunately. It's totally not cool for your connection to dial down to awkward coworker vibes, especially when you're aiming for that fairytale ending. What worked once can work again, but only if both parties are willing to roll up their sleeves and get a little dirty in the relationship garden.

You’ve tried talking, suggesting therapy, and playing the waiting game – all solid moves by the playbook, yet it seems like he's stuck in neutral. If he’s shutting down options without offering any solutions, it's a bit like trying to sail a boat without the wind. Frustrating, right?

Here's the thing: You're not asking for the moon, just a sprinkle of attention and affection, which is Relationship 101. Your feelings of feeling ugly and unwanted are big, flashing neon signs saying something needs to change. Love isn't just about saying the words; it's about actions, effort, and wanting to dance in the rain together, not just sharing an umbrella.

It might be time for some tough love. Sit down with yourself first and decide what you truly need and deserve. If a heart-to-heart doesn't spark any change, it could be time to consider if this relationship is fulfilling your needs. Remember, love shouldn’t leave you feeling more alone when you’re with someone than when you’re by yourself. Keep your chin up, and let’s aim for a love story that lights up your world! 💖

[FuqUFggt]

Fucknoff bot

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're a side chick for when he gets bored. Doesn't sound like a fun position to be in and he doesn't seem to be very interested. It's your choice but I'm guessing you can do better than this

[Fireguy17]

time to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Not just as a sperm depository.

[exitseven]

If you think it is bad now, wait until you are married

[DextroShade]

This is the equivalent of a guy who is in the friend-zone taking a woman out, listening to her, doing things for her, and never getting to smash.

[liggang]

Baby girl you deserve a man who loves you.

[Bricealan]

That doesn't sound like a good relationship

[slatyb]

End this and meet someone who cares.

[Lessthanaveragr]

Depends on how good the sex is.

[impalabill77]

I don't think so. Break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Go to family, casting as your last hope