I don't want to fall in love, I want to really love, is this normal?

[Anonymous]

I would like a mature relationship where there is love and we're compatible towards each other. I don't want to fall in love. That can be easily confused for infatuation and then once that initial stage is over, you still have to see the person in full view, their flaws and it's up to you to decide if you both can tolerate each other.

I don't want a boyfriend to fall in love with. Nope. I don't want that addiction of feeling on cloud 9 sensation. I want to experience actual love. Is this normal?

[sawno]

I love that, you sound like female me haha. I don't think its common but i have the exact same thing. I look past infatuation and don't want to be love blind. I got great at that, and it took a while to be able to love someone as a result. But once I did I truly did and it was the most beautiful deepest form of love I ever experienced and its the kind that doesn't just fade like infatuation does.

So in my opinion your making the right move here and you will spare yourself a lot of hurt. But it can take a while to find the right guy as a result. The tip I have to accomplish it is to never fantasize about stuff that hasn't happened yet, and to look past your initial feelings and think if its truly someone you love or if you are giving them to much credit / wishful thinking.

With my last love I initially destroyed my feelings for her early on since it didn't seem like a relationship would be possible and I didn't want to hurt her, but the feelings came back full force. And it wasn't just infatuation, it was deeper, it was that ever lasting one. The infatuation feelings faded multiple times and came back soon after every time, not because of anything she did but because thats just how it goes for me. And in every moment the infatuation feelings were gone I still loved her to the fullest, on the most deep way possible.

Don't just see it as seeing if you tolerate each other though, even if there is no infatuation, someone can be incredible for you. It's about seeking true compatibility, not just tolerance and I speak from experience that true compatibility and true love can be found.

[LiamJHayden]

To me it is. I see "falling in love" as emotionalism. What happens when the emotions go up and down? I see "love" as a commitment. That can endure.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s normal but also rare in today’s culture. Don’t change, what you want is beautiful.

[Asker]

Exactly. Doctor Love explained it so well. That's what I want, a relationship that's base on actual compatibility, respect and love, not the pathetic ''falling in love (butterflies in my stomach)'' because that's just pure attraction, not love.

[Opinion Owner]

Agreed. After the honeymoon, we have to choose to love.

[Asker]

But too many (men too) are too focused on wanting to fall in love. I've tried to explain that to a guy before and he thought I was weird and said there was no point if there isn't infatuation. I disagreed.

[Opinion Owner]

It just sounds like you guys were on different levels and wanted different things. He shouldn’t have said you were weird for it. What you want is a good thing.

[AI Opinion]

Absolutely, seeking a mature, real love over the dizzying high of falling in love shows deep understanding and desire for a lasting commitment. It's normal, and quite admirable, to prioritize compatibility and mutual respect over the fleeting rush of infatuation. Relationships built on a foundation of genuine love, rather than just the intoxicating early stages, tend to be more resilient and fulfilling. You're not alone in wanting a connection that goes beyond the initial butterflies to something deeper and more enduring. Embracing the flaws and all of a partner, and choosing to love each day, is the essence of true love. Keep valuing those deep connections, and you're likely to find a relationship that's as real and enduring as you hope for. Love isn't just about falling; it's about choosing to stay in love, day after day. 😊