I used to fall in love so often and easily just a few years ago. The amount of people I have had a crush on is endless, I have lost count. Just the smallest things would make me fall in love. A smile, eye contact, or just standing beside someone.
Now I just do not feel anything close to romantic, ever. I never catch feelings for guys anymore. He could be extremely handsome, tall, funny, nice, intelligent, but I never feel anything remotely romantic. I have the same feelings for men as I have for women now, platonic. The most I feel for a man is to become friends, but I never feel love.
I do not know why, why this switch up? I used to be boy crazy but now I am just, I guess, not what I am used with or what I would consider "myself" anymore?
Just for clarification, I have not been "hurt" by men in what you would expect because I am a virgin who has never been in a relationship, so that is not a reason for why I cannot fall in love anymore.
I do not know if this is helpful but no one has ever had a crush on me or been interested in me, and physically I am below average and conventionally unattractive (not fat, just an ugly face, and I look older than my age)
Why can I not fall in love anymore?
2 mo
Why can I not fall in love anymore?
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3Opinion
I think there's a chance you might have been confusing infatuation with love. That tends to be rooted more in fantasy land. It's easy to become infatuated when you're younger and have a very active imagination. You fall in love with more the fantasy of the person than the actual person.
It's actually healthy from my perspective if you no longer infatuate over people. It suggests to me that you're grounded more in reality. The ideal way to fall in love from my perspective is slowly over the course of dating, not at first sight or even close.
That actually makes sense - wow. That seems to apply to my situation quite well!
When I was younger I would just have a small interaction with any random guy close to my age and have enormous feelings of what I call "love". I would imagine us having a wholesome friendship and being compatible, during the whole day and at night, I would imagine holding him, hugging, him being affectionate to me and me to him and so forth. I actually did live inside a fantasy land. I would fall in love with someone I made up in my head, not the actual person.
Now I just cringe at myself if I ever try to make up scenarios about someone in real life, because it makes me think "this person has never shown me any interest and I do not even know him, why am I spending my time fantasizing about him?". It makes me feel dirty and embarrassed.
A guy can smile at me, greet me or just exist and be handsome, but I do not feel anything anymore. Not even butterflies lol.
I think you are right, I have become more realistic. It was actually quite recently I became this way, just the last 5-6 months or so. I am 16.
I thought I was emotianlly damaged at first and un able to bond with people. Do you think I'll ever fall in love?
You will. I hope everyone ends up finding their person including me. The thought of someone having the same feelings for me as I do for them is a dream.
Hopefully you both will! It helps to surround yourself in a variety of good company. I met the love of my life (my wife of now 14 years) at a picnic. She was a friend of a friend.
At least in my case, there is also always some element of fantasy to the way I love my wife. I have that fantasy of growing old together now and, when I'm away from her on overseas business trips, I very quickly begin to miss her smile and laughter and cheesy jokes. I can't wait to hug her and do some things which aren't so PG when I come back to her.
The difference to me is how quickly I started to build such dreams. With my wife, I built it over time spent together very intimately. I had long passed that stage which, like you, I shared in my teens during which I would get so far ahead of myself in my imagination that I would have practically married a girl in my dreams who just went out of her way to say "hi" to me in school here and there before we even kissed let alone went on a single date.
Those hopes and dreams and fantasies can still come no matter how old we are. It just takes more of a real experience, real intimacy, to form them. They're more rooted in reality, so to speak.
As a man on dating apps who never gets messages from women even though I am handsome this makes me understand the problem better. Women just seem to be losing interest in romance. Now it seems they just choose men who are in the top 3% and that is why you are having a hard time. It’s just you being extremely choosy and there is nothing wrong with that.
Extremely choosy? I think not. No guy has ever been interested in me, I have no reason to be picky.
I am still interested in romance, it is one of the goals in my life. I just do not feel it anymore for anyone.
I do not want to be with the top 3 percent of guys because they will never commit to a woman. I want a best friend that loves me and admires me, thinks I am beautiful and is loyal. Someone of the same religion and morals, and someone that I am compatible with personality wise. Is that being extremely choosy? I do not even have any to choose from but ok.
When you fall in love easily, it starts to become cliche, and boring