What do I do? I honestly don’t feel like there’s any hope because I keep getting hurt & I never get chosen by guys they have someone else already?

[Anonymous]

So weird like they could go with me but yet have someone else lined up I feel like I can’t connect with anyone I don't know who I like and who likes me I just want something equal but I’m just disappointed because of how much I get let down from people they saw all the nice things compliments etc but yet have failures with guys honestly I don't know if a guy will truly like me

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm going to be brutally honest with you, and you can decide whether to hate me for it or accept what I'm telling you as the right way to go about things with guys.

Just reading through that question, I can see desperation. That despair is what I believe is causing you problems. You are putting yourself, (and anyone you meet) under SO much pressure to be perfect, that you are not giving yourself the chance to find someone who is right for you. I have little doubt that if you went about things differently, you would have more chance of success in finding the right guy for you.

So what do I mean about 'differently?' Well, in future when you meet a guy, don't try too hard to impress him, let him be the one to try and impress you. Give the impression he is the lucky one to have found you and not the other way around.

You see how subtle differences can change the dynamic of a relationship? Especially at the very beginning when you are learning about one another.

Ultimately, you want the guy to feel he has to work harder, because the harder he has to work to impress you, the more invested in the relationship he becomes. The more invested, means the less chance he will look elsewhere.

I really hope I have given you something to think about, and I have given you more of an insight into how guy's minds work, and I apologise if I have crossed any boundaries!

[Asker]

Yeah you might be on to something maybe they feel pressured but I’m not trying to be that way but I don't know like I said I don't know what I’m doing so if I’m come off as something then I don't know what to do you are right that am I trying to rush maybe I don't know

[jahaims]

You need to mature more before you can pick a good partner

[Asker]

Maybe I’m nit as mature as I thought

[provokeesmokee]

Are you seriously 20?

You sound like you're 85 and staring your own grave in the face.

Goddamn. You've got so much more time and you're already giving up?

Just don't fate for a while. Then try again if you feel like it. You don't need to date.

[Asker]

I know but I feel like that will happen if I don’t get anyone by a certain age I don’t date and I rather not rn I don’t want to feel like this

[provokeesmokee]

You'll stay single if this desperate need is your forefront.

Build up YOU first off. Then you'll attract people to you.

[Asker]

Going to try to do that. Right now I don’t talk to hardly any guys I chose to distance myself and choose myself for this reason they should honestly be trying to pursue me first not me I’m not taking the guys job

[provokeesmokee]

It isn't a gendered job to express your interest in someone you like.

Expressing interest in someone you like is just what you do if you want to have a chance at getting to like them even more.

You do not and should not just be in a relationship for no reason at all. At the very least you should actually want to be with and ask to spend time with the person you are in a relationship with.

But yeah, girl. Focus on yourself.

When you are feeling like you want to find someone and you're ready for taking on that time and effort, then start looking.

But until then, just live your life. You have so much time.

[Summeroflove]

Well it’s just maybe not meant to be if someone’s honest with you in a respectful way then don’t be angry with them. It's so much better then someone never giving a direct answer and never giving closure.

Everyone gets rejected and finding the right person does take time.

[eagle1951]

you look really cute , not sure why you're having trouble

[Asker]

I don't know either these guys just aren’t it I guess

[Asker]

They pick other people over me I just don’t get it it’s hard to be surrounding by others that always get someone I’m like never picked

[Adogdog]

I know how you feel.

[Adogdog]

You are cute by the way!

[Asker]

Thank you but I don't know what’s happening I don’t think personality is bad either honestly

[Adogdog]

If you ever wanna chat, feel free to message me.

[Asker]

Okay i will