Should you support your partners goals that are very impractical?

[ryang04]

So let me start off by saying I will always support my girlfriend’s goals even if I believe they are impractical. The real dilemma is should I express my concerns with this goal. She recently decided she wants to become an actor with no acting background at all because a family friend of hers told her he thinks she would be a great actor and would help her with it. He is a small time actor and I’m really not even sure how successful he is. My girlfriend has delayed going to college because of this and I fear she is throwing away something good for a spur of the moment dream. I really do hope that she proves me wrong, but I don’t see it going anywhere. Should I just keep it to myself or say something about it?

[hahahmm]

Several thoughts.

I think you're a little confused. You see, you are not married to her. You are not even engaged to her. There is nothing about this relationship that implies it will still be a thing in a year or two years. Or 3 years. You worrying about her long term career situation is not something she's asked you to do. If she trusted you enough to listen to you about that then she would have asked you. But let's say you told her you don't think acting is for her & she listened. Do you kn ow what's going to happen years later when she daydreams about how she could have been an actress? She will blame you 100% for her not having an acting career.

I would also wonder what that actor friend of her is really motivated by. If he's not a blood relative then it's VERY INTERESTING that he wants to "help" a total noob become an actress. A man is a man. You know how men think. You know why a man would want to give "free" help to a woman with your girlfriend's looks. Sure, there's that 1 in a million dude/time where it is all innocent but that ain't how it normally works. Now maybe your girlfriend is gullible & believes 100% he's not up to anything. Maybe she knows he is and thinks she can handle it. Maybe she knows and would be okay with trading a little "physical contact" for an acting job. Lot of possibilities. Not much for you to do here but keep your eyes open. But don't be a sucker.

The other thing is, I was involved with small studios for some years. Let's just say that your girlfriend becoming an actress is not going to be good for your relationship. Most likely. I'm not saying I would discourage her because of that. Just saying. Acting is not like a regular job. It's a job where people are hanging out with their co-workers for 12 hours/day and getting very, very friendly. Maybe even ordered by the script to kiss, grope their co-worker. It's nothing at all like any job you ever had. A lot of actresses sleep their way up the career ladder. To think otherwise you would be one of those people who claim strippers never sleep with clients.

[RavVid]

I've heard more impractical goals than this from girls. I'd be more concerned with what college discipline she is giving up for acting.

If she was going to do Feminist Studies then I'd say go for your dreams girl. An out of work FS grad and an out of work actress is much the same thing as a broke waitress.

If it was a hard subject with real employment prospects such as a form of engineering than I'd saying hold on girl - you can do both. Do amateur acting at night and study engineering by day. This is pure diversion

She can of course study performing art at college. Not that this is going to necessarily lead to success.

The amateur acting route has probably had it's day. Even suburban productions are using performing arts grads, so bye bye talented amateurs..

I think you have to work with her but try and lead her in one of these directions that is best for her. Obviously she is seeing stars after what this amateur (= unsuccessful) actor has said.

[osmanthus]

Let's take stock, for a minute. How impractical is this goal?

From your stance, it is, maybe because she has told you of all her prior goals, which either blew up or never came about. I think it's wholly possible to pursue a degree and also dip one's toes into acting—if she wants to. She doesn't have to go full-throttle on acting; If she tries it out and likes it, she can choose to act once in a while until she finishes her degree or maybe she might miraculously become a big-time actor—either way, it's fine to support a person and help them out a bit with their options. You may express that foregoing a degree seems impractical to you but that you understand that acting might become a passion turn career for her, as well, hence, you may offer this as a way to bridge a gap between what cognitive objections or hesitations you have about her possible decisions for her sake.

It is understandable a partner might feel hesitant about a person who is holding themselves back and sitting on the fence about a major life decision and it's also understandable that a partner does not want to be 'a stick in the mud' for coming off as unsupportive or judgmental. Going about this in this way might be more helpful to you in communicating accurately what you intend to mean without being misunderstood or misinterpreted and having to paraphrase or clarify much.

[Razp_Sorbet]

I mean I don't think that is very impractical, she seemingly has a way in to give it a good try.

I don't think she should not take the chance. I think maybe you could have a conversation about her expectations while still being supportive. It is unlikely she will be a big actor, but it could lead to small roles which I'm sure would be a cool experience. I'm not well versed in the acting sector but I feel like you can absolutely train and do auditions while still maintaining your education.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the sparkling waters of love and dreams, aren't we? Supporting your partner's goals is like being the wind beneath their wings, even if sometimes those wings seem to be aiming for the moon on a bicycle! But here's the twist in our love plot: communication is that secret sauce that makes relationships go from good to "how did I ever live without you?" Express your concerns in a way that doesn't dim her stars but rather shines a light on the path. Approach it like you're joining her on this adventurous quest, offering a map and a compass rather than pulling the emergency brake. Saying, "I love your passion and I'm here for you. How can we make this journey a success together?" might just be the script for a blockbuster romance. Remember, it's not about doubting her dreams but about weaving them together with reality to create a masterpiece. Good luck, love director!

[HawkPerception]

I would say to be open and honest and address your concerns as you may feel regret not telling her, but let it run it's course and let her know you support her fully. Don't let her feel any regrets with her life. Even if you convince her to not do it, somewhere in the back of her mind, she will resent you a bit for pulling her in a different direction than what she wanted. Just say you'll support her and actually do. Help her find connections, help her create social posts that show off her acting abilities.

On a side note, I don't think I could date an actress, because of the fact that if they get involved in a romance film, they may get physically intimate with some other guy. That's a no for me 😂

But if you're cool with it all the power to you. Just make sure you voice your opinions.

[Miristheiss]

There is no "should" or "shouldn't". The relationship is the priority. If the goal threatens or harms or stresses the bond then there is no reason to support it. If it doesn't then supporting it may be totally fine.

In your example, you do know that a young woman in acting will be kissing and doing love scenes with men and almost every role will find some stupid act/scene requiring the girl to get half naked or totally naked.

If you are not ok with that then you should not support the goal or break up because you are incompatible.

[osmanthus]

I don't think this is a 'hard-and-fast' rule, if she's a stand-in backdrop actor. At some point, there had to have been women who've done TV sitcoms and perhaps rarely had to do any sexual scenes. You can't tell me the actress who played Rosanne (1988-2018) didn't have to do some sexually spicey scenes, sure, but there is coaching to prevent inappropriate behavior after the fact. It depends on how secure the partner feels about the other dong that.

[Miristheiss]

@osmanthus
I would expect many just consider it cheating.
You physically touch and kiss another man. Not excuse or spin would make it ok.

[osmanthus]

Well, are we to assume the woman who is going to become an actress just wants to bang the next guy?

And are you implying all actresses are sluts/whores? If so, your personal views on the matter tied to this profession might need reevaluating because if that's the case then by proxy all actors are also sluts/whores. And how would you know? Have you ever been an actor/actress yourself? Have you personally directed movies? Or was this just a view you overheard as some insider's opinion?

[osmanthus]

If you just heard this from some random who claimed he/she was involved in this industry, it attests to your capability to critically think for yourself as quite possibly minimal. You can stick to your guns on whatever beliefs you have even if its unfounded, but unless she has kissed a male actor and her partner isn't okay with it, it's not categorically sexual infidelity, to me.

[Billlewis]

@osmanthus You're kicking ass and taking names once again;). I'd love to chat with you for a few minutes if you have time. Thanks very much;)

[osmanthus]

Emotional infidelity, sure. Very possible. However, there's no P-in-V action going on.

[osmanthus]

@Billlewis Sure. I think I'm capable of exchanging messages on this website now. I'll give it a try.

[Billlewis]

@osmanthus Thank you very much;)

[Miristheiss]

@osmanthus
Well, let's preface this by pointing out that the OP is stating his wife wants to get into acting. Maybe she'll not make it at all. Maybe she is older or not hot and would only get the non romantic roles. Maybe he is ok with her getting nude or getting physical with another man at stage or on film. Maybe they've already discussed their boundaries and have already agreed there are certain lines and roles that she'll just avoid regardless. Who knows. We are all just throwing out scenarios.

But if she is attractive. If she does have any success in landing roles then this is a very plausible situation that could come up to where she is offered a role in which more intimate things are shown or portrayed.

I can sense your blood pressure going up and that you are getting triggered. I'm not sure what about but per my comments, if a wife suddenly takes a job requiring public nudity or to romantically kiss men and such then a husband better be 100% on board with that.

Whether someone states it is pretend or not she is still physically touching a man and he is getting intimate contact with her. The physical part is not pretend. Whether one acts as if the "no feelings" part makes it all better and makes it all go away for them is present or it is not present for them the married couple better get on the same page and if the husband has any problems with that at all then she should honor her marriage and say no to such roles.

[Miristheiss]

Oh ps- a major point is he didn't marry an actress going in. He married a regular civilian woman and this acting subject is a change. A new twist to their marriage. If she isn't ok with certain roles then the marriage trumps all. She was not an actress going in so this would be a bait and switch.

[osmanthus]

I see your point.

My righteous indignation about this matter is to advocate for the accurate representation of this profession; there are likely more than a dozen misconceptions floating around about actors/actresses already. I won't delve too deep into some of the sexually motivated exploitative practices of some of these studio workers, either.

I'm fairly certain most cases of rape, sexual harassment, and stalking happen most often to either children or beautiful women. If she's getting promoted rather quickly or offered things most normal people within her class wouldn't dream of having within a certain amount of time then it's likely there's something else looming on the horizon that isn't pretty for her. It's better to be ugly and keep a job rather than be accosted out of nowhere for sexual favors. The guy is going to have to put his foot down with his girlfriend and whoever she's dealing with, if this ends up being the case. He might end up having to 'walk out on her' if she's too stubborn to realize she's walking into a honey trap.

Is he going to be emotionally prepared to stand up for the relationship or will he have to walk out (if he's being threatened)?

Who knows... if he's lucky she'll just get the more demure roles and won't be a target for these sleazy assholes. If she wants a raise, well, she might have to face a few blowhards who want her to wank them off in the backseat of a tanker.

Not as glamorous a role as it sounds, now, is it?

Nobody talks about this, of course, until somebody risks getting slandered and pushed out of acting altogether.

[RingOfFire]

This is a tough question. Your chances of earning enough to make a living as an actor are infinitesimally small. Only a fraction of 1% of people who go into that profession make enough to even pay basic bills. That is not meant to discourage but rather to be realistic.

The first thing I would want to know is if there is any chance that she could pursue an acting career while she is in college so that she can have a backup plan if it doesn't work out?

I know people who have done that, even people who pursued entertainment related majors in college.

I think that giving up an opportunity for her to go to college earlier in her life rather than later would be very much to her benefit. I can't say it's wise to take a gamble on a career that has a very low success rate without having a backup plan.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand. I think I would be honest about my concerns towards this job, but say you will support her whatever. At least you are being honest. Maybe she can try for a year? To prevent her from having regrets later on that she that she never tried to achieve her dream.

I also believe it’s a really tough industry. Maybe if she does some auditions and she’s dealing with all the rejections, she’ll realize how difficult it is. Maybe she’ll change her mind.
Or maybe she can do a study from home, while seeking acting jobs? Or work while doing auditions. That way she’ll still have options if her dream doesn’t work out.

Those are only ideas ofcourse. Hope you guys figure it out (:

[bobby_bush_eater]

This is honestly a tough situation normally I would say no and to have a serious and gentle conversation about it. In this case though, I wouldn't say discourage her or have that conversation until she tries.

Help her, research acting stuff or where to start with her, practice with her (if she has material), encourage her etc. That said you and her have to both have a point of realistic practicality if it isn't working and this should be brought up beforehand but don't try to stop her yet.

At least that's my view 🤷‍♂️

[natured]

This is a tight situation, and I wouldn't know how to behave either. But I think it's always wrong to keep things inside in a relationship, remember comunication is indeed the key. It'll make you feel better.. you can still support her dreams but also tell her your worries. Talk clearly about your thoughts but make sure she knows that you will support her either way... At least, me as a Woman, i'd appreciate if my partner is honest to me...

[TommyMountainFigure]

It depends.

Is she the sort of person who would take your advice on board, or throw it back in your face?

Personally? I would tell her I think she's making a huge mistake BUT, that if that's what she wants to do, then I would support her through it!

I don't believe in sugar coating something for the sake of a bit of peace and quiet. I do however commend you for still giving her the support she needs!

[Justneedtokno]

I think this is a sweet question. I think you should do it within reason depending on the time it takes longevity of that project. I think it also depends on the cost. You write out the pros and cons of it. And always give it good consideration don’t just shut down their idea.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her about it if she's a keeper, this is your future as well as hers.

Most likely successful outcome would be education and career. Acting can be done as a hobby later. It's very difficult to do successfully, I'd expect.

And who is this male 'friend' that she's listening to?

Doesn't sound like she's focusing on the right things.

[snowboarder720]

I’d responding with “I’ll be here to support you and your decisions.”
Unless she asks, you shouldn’t share your opinion about something especially if it’s her dream. Everyone deserves a shot at it.

[DrPepper12]

You owe it to her to be honest. I had a similar situation, my girlfriend and then wife wanted to stay home and be a stay-at-home mom. That's simply wasn't going to happen on my salary and it took some very direct conversations.

[DreamLife7]

I would not support her sorry. She needs to have a back up plan if she wants to be an actress which is an education. You have a valid reason to feel the way you do. And it's about who you know. It's not easy to get into

[DreamLife7]

Is she your wife or girlfriend? That makes a huge difference too

[RetroReviews]

You should support your partner in every way you can with every goal that they have as long as it's not illegal and harmful to others

[DrPepper12]

Can possibly be "every" no absolutes!

[RetroReviews]

@DrPepper12 mk?

[Nikki1989]

I support my husband on anything he wants to do.

[DrPepper12]

I DOUBT anything. Some insane impossible ideas need to be shut down

[WhitneySnow]

Tell her the truth but support her if she decides to pursue her dream anyway

[jahaims]

Part of your job as a partner is to be honest and hold them accountable. If your partner is being delusional you should let them know.

[sheenagwapa]

you could tell her but in a very nice manner