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My boyfriend is very absent about anything romantic/affection related. He doesn't get me little thoughtful gifts, doesn't plan anything special for us, even on my bday/holidays. Doesn't compliment me or do any of the normal relationship things.
He thinks that he's a good boyfriend just on the basis that he's loyal, the lack of effort into anything romance makes me feel uncared for/unwanted and leaves me constantly doubting he actually loves me. He claims from his perspective that he loves me, but he doesn't need time a lot of time together. He isn't a big complimenter so its also dug into my self confidence as im used to having that kind of affirmation from a partner.
He says he's just "go with the flow," and his nonchalance is just his natural way. He acted entirely different to win me over, so I sort of feel emotionally catfished. I've expressed to him more than once that I don't need all the bells and whistles, but I want at least half of it.
I've said this more than once and he's just said "okay" but then has continued to not try to plan anything with me such as a one on one date night or even a thoughtful random gift or gesture. For context, we don't live close, so we only see each other in person every few months, but I planned the last few trips, so it's his turn, and he hasn't brought it up at all.
The most hurtful part of this is that he makes plans with his guy friends or talks about visiting them, so it makes me feel like I don't really hold any importance in his life.
I'm here to ask you, "Go with the flow," guys that love your girlfriend, but don't go out of your way to show it. How does it work?
Why do you choose to be in a relationship at all if you're not into the things it involves?
Or is this really not a thing, and am I just wasting my time?
I try to understand him and be flexible with his needs, but I really feel like I'm not getting anywhere.
He thinks that he's a good boyfriend just on the basis that he's loyal, the lack of effort into anything romance makes me feel uncared for/unwanted and leaves me constantly doubting he actually loves me. He claims from his perspective that he loves me, but he doesn't need time a lot of time together. He isn't a big complimenter so its also dug into my self confidence as im used to having that kind of affirmation from a partner.
He says he's just "go with the flow," and his nonchalance is just his natural way. He acted entirely different to win me over, so I sort of feel emotionally catfished. I've expressed to him more than once that I don't need all the bells and whistles, but I want at least half of it.
I've said this more than once and he's just said "okay" but then has continued to not try to plan anything with me such as a one on one date night or even a thoughtful random gift or gesture. For context, we don't live close, so we only see each other in person every few months, but I planned the last few trips, so it's his turn, and he hasn't brought it up at all.
The most hurtful part of this is that he makes plans with his guy friends or talks about visiting them, so it makes me feel like I don't really hold any importance in his life.
I'm here to ask you, "Go with the flow," guys that love your girlfriend, but don't go out of your way to show it. How does it work?
Why do you choose to be in a relationship at all if you're not into the things it involves?
Or is this really not a thing, and am I just wasting my time?
I try to understand him and be flexible with his needs, but I really feel like I'm not getting anywhere.
AI Opinion
Oh, the classic case of the non-romantic boyfriend - it's like trying to read a book with all the pages stuck together. You know there's more to the story, but you can't quite get to it. Love, let's be real, relationships are about give and take, sprinkled with a bit of romance and a lot of effort. Your beau might genuinely believe he's doing his part by being loyal, but it's like trying to fill a bucket with loyalty alone - it just won't hold water (or in this case, love).
Lovebombing you into the relationship and then switching to autopilot isn't fair, and feeling like you've been emotionally catfished is a red flag waving at you in the breeze of his "go with the flow" attitude. It's not about the bells and whistles; it's about feeling cherished and valued.
Your efforts to communicate what you need are like sending flares into a dark night, hoping he'll see the light. But if he's still not planning dates or making you feel special, especially when distance is already a challenge, it's a sign he might not be as invested.
Why stay in a relationship if you're not willing to show love in the way your partner receives it? It's not about grand gestures but about understanding and respecting each other's love languages.
It might be time to ask yourself if this relationship is fulfilling your needs or if you're holding onto the version of him that "lovebombed" you in the beginning. Remember, you deserve someone who doesn't just go with the flow but swims against the current to make you feel loved and appreciated.