Why can't some guys just have a relationship?

[Anonymous]

[Lookingforthetruth]

It has to do with female hypergamy, social proof, genetic limitation and media influence. Women tend to have a more narrow spectrum in their attractiveness for men.

We can see evidence of this when we look at height preference of women off bumble, where women are given complete control of who they want to go out with.

[From the graph above, you can see just how hyper focus women are on dating men over 6'0"]

Depending on what region you are in (e. g. NA- average male height is 5'9") this can leave a lot of guys out of dating game.

Now, I will discuss further below how hypergamy, social proof, media influence and genetics all play a factor in some men not getting dates.

1. Hypergamy. Women by in large always strive to get a man that is better than them in some way; some settle for their supposed equal. Whether this is a mate who is more attractive than her, has higher income or even has higher social status (comes from higher socioeconomic class, good social connections, popularity etc). The result of this is a lot of average women will chase after men who are above average for the very least. This in turn, leads to these men forming a mini harem which allows them to be adequately satisfied and have no reason to commit. And because these men don't commit, women often get ghosted, pump and dumped and/or turned into single mothers. Resulting, in the mass of videos we see on social media of women talking about how men abuse them.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/dEoPHgw16jEhttps://www.youtube.com/embed/NTFjsPNvmTQhttps://www.youtube.com/embed/_wTlgbT-gHE

Now, given our current economic climate, a lot of men cannot compensate with their wealth enough to convince women to want to date them as a long term partners. Especially when women today makes their own money that is comparable or even greater than said male.

https://twitter.com/GAE_USA/status/1580574201110749186?s=20&t=6vOj3gib_HO1oUO34WSBdQ

[In the twitter link above. Most modern day women expect men to make at least 100k to be marriage worthy. This is 2x the average salary that adults make with most men only making this type of salary when they are in their 40s]

2. Social proof. Women often care more than men about what other people think of them, especially when it comes to their choice in romantic partner. And because of this, they prefer to be with a man who has been approved by other women as being a good catch. This is why social experiments in which men wear wedding rings, go out with a cute girl in public or even post pictures of themselves with a hot girl via social media can all result in an increase in female interest.

Thus, it can logically be seen that men who get tons of women will demonstrate this social proof and continue to get more women being drawn to them. Men who do not will have to demonstrate they are worthy.

3. Genetic limitations. Women by in large tend to be more critical when it comes to physical attractiveness than men. Usually the traits women find attractive are often heavily genetic focused and can't be altered without crippling surgery.

Things such as your race, jaw line, clavicle width (broad shoulders), leg span are all key genetic traits that you have to be born with. And, depending on how severe you fall in these areas can result in you being total screwed in dating.

Sure, a man can work out to get a nice fit body but that often requires years of dedication at the gym and effort put in does not translate to much of a gain when it comes to boosting your physical attraction compared to when women do it (e. g. see Mia Khalifa who went from a 4/10 to 7.5/10 just from losing weight and getting fake tits)

The belief that women are less superficial than men, comes from most people not understanding that women are just more willing to date a guy, she has little attraction for, if he can compensate in other areas.

4. Media influence. The media often has influence in our mating decisions. In western cultures, Asian males are often portrayed as the least masculine out of all races. This has resulted in many Asian guys in the past having difficulties in getting dates when dating interracial.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/KsWTFeP1hno

[Anonymous]

This is complex. When I am brutally honest with myself I know I have self sabotaged a few good opportunities. I feared intimacy. Feared that a woman would give me a false sense of security but when she sees some of deeper flaws she will quickly change her mind and dump me. This is after I took a big emotional risk to commit. It takes a lot for men to do that.

When things go south in a relationship the man usually suffers much more in the long run. He can’t express his emotions without losing face. He often gets screwed over in divorce proceedings. A heartbroken guy is much bigger turn off to other women than a heartbroken woman is to guys when she starts dating again.

There is one ex girlfriend in particular from many years ago I still feel broken heart pangs over. It was complicated but she met me at the wrong time in my life. If it had even been 2 years later I would of likely taken a knee.

But at the same time I kept a boundary when dating her. She kept going off about how in love she was, how lucky she was, how her friends were jealous, how I was perfect for her, etc. While it felt good there was a part of me that was nervous and for good reason. I didn’t open up and respond to that. Sure enough she broke up with me and treated me like I was less than human.

I was devastated by how she treated me afterwards and I later deduced she most likely cheated. That is one of the reasons I get scared to commit. I really thought she was different from other women but she wasn’t.

[BlueScorpio]

1. It could just be a season in in his life where he's hidden cause there's something he needs to mentally and emotionally address before getting into a relationship. There are a lot angry, sad broken people trying to find love in all the wrong places, if you're lost, feeling hopeless, prideful, etc. You won't be able to have a fulfilling relationship. When your life is out of order, you're relationship will be too... when you're not whole your S. O isn't going to be able to fill in the void completely.

2. Women are more on guard and looking for a mate that they are compatible with. Men are telling us to up our standards by telling us to choose better partners/men, women are listening to the online talk and are taking that advice.

[BlueScorpio]

It's funny cause I just read this article, I'll link it for you to read.
www.psychologytoday.com/.../whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

[AmeerX]

And the rise of lonely single men is from a single fact. Not many girls in the entire world. You can check statistics yourself.
In my country if everyone decided to marry they wouldn't be able to do so because women are 49% and men are 51%> looks small right? Actually our population is 230 million strong. And out of that even if we just count girls and boys UpTo age 35 girls have a lot more options to pick and choose. Guys have none of that for them

[jennifer_bloom]

I think the two major reasons guys are single is they lack a cooperative spirit and are confrontational or they doubt themselves and do not give girls a chance to know them. Some guys don't get noticed unless they are romantically suggestive with their prospects and I know guys who can't find girls to date because they aim too high and do not give normal girls a reasonable chance.

[Guy13]

Both Men/Women are capable of Agape Love, Discipline, Contentment, Forgiveness, Perspective, Graciousness, and Mercy.
Despite what social “science says the above is not a Sex specific skill set. They are required for a successful relationship.
Perfection is an expectation that is not reasonable or necessary for two committed to the institution of Marriage.

[coachTanthony]

Because some guys aren't willing to improve themselves to get there.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Just have? It's just like having friends... you gotta earn that shit. If you're an unlikable stool sample then you're going to be avoided.

The main difference between chicks and dudes is a chick is born with the body and she instantly has the attention for that reason. A dude has to hit those weights and get the body and then he'll experience that shit too... trust me.

When it comes to personality though... some people are just so bland and boring that nobody really wants to be around them for long. Sure a hot body can maintain enough attention to keep people around for a while, but eventually (especially after fucking has been achieved), people will get sick of your shit.

Bland and boring... and don't have the body... develop a masturbation habit for sex and/or buy a pet for affection. Grumbles the dog will love you for feeding him and letting him out to shit on your lawn.

[AmeerX]

I will just say girls and guys have nearly same chances to be in a relationship. Reason, girls might think they are in a relationship but once they become promiscuous the guys coming one after the other just doesn't treat her like she deserves. Just shallow things mostly sex to hold a guy off and so on. Not always true otherwise no sexually active girl will get married or get to have children with someone.

Then there is guys who can't get relationship. First, they also won't down grade there options. Look every beautiful girl isn't going to be in relationship with you.

My own experience, I had a hard time to accept that I won't get a barbie girl even if I was extremely handsome. I am just not made that way. I do want someone at least as good looking as myself. Yeah I get hit on by gays 🤣. I want a girl who likes me and is average or slim at least and has similar interests as me and fairer skin like mine. And I think we can live life together forever))

[Anonymous]

One of the major issues I've found with younger guys especially is a sense of entitlement to my love and, more often, my body just because we are in a relationship. They feel entitled to a place to live because I pay for my apartment, though they can't seem to find a job to help pay the bills... When they do earn money they spend it on toys...

I know this isn't all males, but it seems to be a trend among those in the 18-30 group who are single... And that's why they continue to be single.

[Anonymous]

YouTube wisdom has it that 80% of women think they deserve the top 20% of men. Those to 20% have their pick of women and the other 80% may be completely invisible and unable to find a mate.

So when women in their late 20s, early 30s talk about settling, they really mean widening their acceptance window to include men of their own standing.

YouTube wisdom also says the young men like you may have plenty of pretentiously but you haven't had time to exercise it yet. So young women may look for older, more mature, more affluent men. Since their value decreases in time, and yours increases, you may have more luck later on.

[CubsterShura]

Dude stop getting your knowledge fron YouTube and touch some grass.

[AmeerX]

@CubsterShura 80-20 rule is far stretched but many women especially in conservative cultures have this problem. They want a well settled guy, a romantic, a lover, family guy, everything in one.
Like we men can't have everything in a girl this is also very hard

[Mewzinc]

@CubsterShura but it's winter. Where do you live where you have grass 24/7?

[AmeerX]

@Mewzinc we have grass year round though 😅.
Was it a rhetorical question?

[Mewzinc]

@AmeerX I meant like literally there are a couple inches of snow outside on the ground. At least where I live, if you wanted to touch some grass you'd have to dig your way through snow in order to touch the ground lol 😂😅

[Mewzinc]

@AmeerX so I guess it was rhetorical lol

[AmeerX]

@Mewzinc oh haha, no where I live it is never snows. I live in the plains. I never thought people would make a saying about grass and snow 😁. But I understand hahaha

[CubsterShura]

@Mewzinc if I were this out-of-touch with the real world I'd be shoveling out snow if that's what it takes to touch some grass

[Mewzinc]

@CubsterShura 😂😂 girl you are so funny! I love your reply.

[CubsterShura]

@Mewzinc lol thanks girl!

[Opinion Owner]

@CubsterShura what? Are you suggesting YouTube is nothing but entertainment with no factual basis?

[AmeerX]

It kind of is a mix of facts and fiction

[Weapon77]

Some guys are losers, and others are assholes. But there are some great guys who can't have relationships for reasons I'm unsure of. I'm in that category. It's possible that there is a lack of available compatible girls, or it could be as simple as lack of confidencez but I don't know for sure

[oddwaffle]

Because it's not easy to get women for young guys.

Women like stability. Men who can give them financial and emotional stability rank top on their list. This is why women like men in suits and uniforms. They are men with stable jobs abd stable minds.

Young guys don't have that. Most of them are struggling financially. Women might have sex with them for fun but they don't feel secured with them.

[UniquelyBasic]

Well, I think basically for a long-time men had to just have a job and they were set but now that women can make their own money men are realizing they need to put effort into being emotionally mature and a lot of men just aren't.

[Little_Bumblebee]

And they do not like that

[captain_voidwalker]

Because women only want the top 20% of men. So if you can make changes to get yourself into that category you can have a relationship. If you can't well just accept that your going to die alone and find something else in life that can bring you joy. Don't dwell on what you can't change it never ends well.

[BJP21]

What source are you getting 20% from? It comes off as if elitist are getting the girls.

[captain_voidwalker]

Numerous statistics compiled from various online dating sites.

[dustybiker]

@BJP21 They never give a legitimate reply to that question. Brainwashing from somewhere. They refuse to adapt in reality so will believe anything other bitter men say.

[AnUglyBarnacle]

@BJP21

The 80-20 is a rule of thumb, not a hard number.

My score isn't high enough to link a video, but search: Better Bacherlor : "Let's look at dating app numbers, talk about relationships and have some fun" on YouTube. The video discusses Tinder, so it's more raw lust than genuine relationship interest. However, the rule still applies on most dating apps, pared back to a less extreme level.

[AnUglyBarnacle]

*Bachelor

[Adaeva]

@BJP21 www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php

[AnUglyBarnacle]

@Adaeva Yep. And that's from OkCupid's own internal data. They would know this stuff.

[BJP21]

@dustybiker I was just going to say because I call BS on this statistic.

[dustybiker]

Because they refuse to change their way of thinking. Refuse to improve themselves.

[melanieeeB]

Totally agreed

[Looksnicholas]

I'm perfectly happy without one. Now it doesn't mean thinking of women never crosses my mind in a romantic sense, but I'm very happy as a single person. 🥳👌🥳👌😋😋

[Labokachulaa]

Maybe they just aren't meant to be in a relationship? It could be a number of things, but this one I'll say. Or it could be they're not putting in enough effort.

[TheSpaceGnome]

There is no amount of effort to combat "Inbox full" or "men need to make the first move" or "I'm sorry I don't respond to hi" or "I'm a needle in a haystack level rare, and a shut-in too!, come find me though!"

Women are the ones who never put in any effort 90% of the time when it comes to dating. I think it' s time they did.

[Labokachulaa]

If you're getting those kind of responses, then you're speaking to women who aren't interested. Lmao

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think you may want to re-read my reply, but a bit slower this time.

3 out if 4 of my examples are not even applicable to her level of interest, and as for the one that is, I've never personally gotten ignored after sending a message, it's just something I see on lots of womens dating bios saying they won't respond to "hi" or other short messages, and yet, writing a long one results in "inbox full" (likely full of nothing but short messages from other guys)

Ironic, but also stupid.

[Labokachulaa]

They do that, again, because they're interested in someone specific. They have an idea of what they already want. As soon as they see him, they're going to change that. (Not the bio, but the way they're thinking)

[Juxtapose]

Think about it this way, you're a woman and you get at least dozens of messages a day from guys all competing against each other for your attention.

Is the average guy ever going to get your attention? Fuck no!

[CA4444]

You get 20 messages saying ‘Hi’ or ‘Hi beautiful’ or ‘Hi wyd’ with a microscopic profile picture. That is not grabbing attention. Especially if you don’t particularly want to talk to strangers in the first place. That’s why I’d usually say guy shouldn't take rejection personally most of the time cause it really isn’t. Same thing outside in clubs or at the gym etc

[Juxtapose]

@CA4444 that's a whole lot more than zero messages a day lol. You should know by now that guy's flirt with a lot of women at once and put low effort into the initial messages. If you start talking to the guy then he will light up socially.

[Juxtapose]

Why would any man put a lot of effort into a message that's probably going to get ignored anyway?

[Juxtapose]

*guys

[DiegoO]

Well, there are different reasons. Sometimes the negative outcomes of having one, surpass the positive outcomes. I am refering to outcomes that are result of external and internal factors.

[Anonymous]

Some guys are cursed and emit an aura that repels girls. I don't believe in curses but for this one i'm making an exception.

[LiamJHayden]

Laziness, social ineptitude, absurd standards, no confidence, give up after a rejection or two, etc.

[genericname85]

They can. But they don't want to. Meaning they aren't doing what has to be done.

[AdithyaR]

Personally I just think I'm fundamentally unlikeable.

[Anonymous]

I'm really ugly and awkward that's why also I'm shy and not funny

[Anonymous]

It is usually of their own doing.

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

I am not single by choice. I have tried to get a girlfriend.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Most guys are single by choice like women the average guy has way less options than the ugliest fattest girl you know

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Unlike

[sheenagwapa]

you mean stick to one? because some are pigs

[SlothySlob]

I've yet to even try.

[sheikalana]

They're not interested in committing.

[FilmGuy93]

They’re self absorbed

[Anonymous]

Because some man have shit personnality

[Twalli]

They're not mature enough.

[Jmmmfi4]

I wish like hell I could

[pamukprenses]

I say the same for girls