Is it ok to speak about someone that you loved very much that suddenly passed away or should we just shut up about them like they never existed?

[sage2021]

I do write about my boyfriend that died and our experiences we shared. He was in my life for 7 years, then suddenly dead, like he just vanished. It is a real shock to a person when they have to experience something that is so very hard to live through.
Sometimes when I talk about all the great things he did for me and what those things were, I hope that maybe another guy on here will see what a great guy is and maybe get some ideas from my words. Who knows?🤷🏼‍♀️ I would hope when I die people still talk about me and keep our memories alive.

Updates

1 y

@SueSheThat's the sad part. After he died, his brother went to the funeral home and picked up his ashes and took them home and I don't know where he lives. There was no memorial that I know of. And there is no grave to visit. He was in the U. S. Navy for 10 years and I was told by someone that her brother that died was a VET and he got a full funeral paid for by the VA. His brother isn't very nice to be honest.

[SueShe]

Talking about somebody that just passed away is part of the healing process and you SHOULD talk about him vecause you cannot just hidthoe wonderful memories you shared with him.

Tell everyone how much you loved him, how much you cared and how much you miss him. This will cement the bond you had.

My deepest sympathies for your loss.

[sage2021]

@SueShe
Thank you so much for your kind words and making me feel like it's ok to write about him and us on this website.
He died 9 months ago, but it feels like yesterday.
I don't have anyone else to share his memory with but the people here on GaG.
Nobody! And it's so hard for me to keep it all bottled up inside of me.
This sudden death thing is all new to me. There is no instruction manual on how's to grieve the proper way after losing someone you were so in love with. Everyday is different and it sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
He was so full of like and always had something interesting to say. Now the silence is deafening to me.
Well, again thank you 🌹

[SueShe]

You are welcome and talking about him is just like being with him. If you go to his grave, talk to him as if he was listening to you. There is no shame to have those feelings. You are right, thee is no manual on how to deal with death and even if there was one, it would not tell you everything because everyone deals with death differently.

You only show that you are a human being with feelings and that loss affects you because you loved him so much.

You know, the important is never to forget the good times you had together. Sure, the pain will slowly fade with time but you must remember that deep in your heart, these memories will live for as long as you live or for as long as YOU want them to be present. Good luck.

[sage2021]

@SueShe
I replied to you but for some reason my reply is up where the question is under "Update the question" 🤷🏼‍♀️

[SueShe]

If you cannot visit his tomb or have no access to his remains, then what prevents you from preparing a small shrine at home where you can be with him like in a communion. If you have some personal belongings that touched his body, then you can use those as a link to his spirit and to be close to him this way.

But also, you have to be careful not to live the rest of your life in the past. Even though the loss is unbearable, you have to start thinking of the future. That does not mean that you must forget. He would not want you to mourn him your entire life but he would surely want that you continue to live and blossom without him.

[Lliam]

Wise words, SueShe.

[SueShe]

Thanks

[sage2021]

@SueShe
Unfortunately I don't have any of his clothes ot belongings This lady took away EVERY SINGLE THING OF HIS out of our apartment and disposed of some of it, and kept his tools and other things for herself.
I only have his towel he used when he took a shower and a stuffed bunny animal he gave me for Easter two years ago. I do hold on to the bunny when I get real sad and cry. At least that woman didn't take my bunny or his towel. So, his towel touched his body so I have one thing.
He was previously married for 24 years and his wife died in his arms when they were both of 47 year's old.
He explained his grief for her to me. Ten years after she died, he would accidentally call me by her name sometimes. I know he never stopped loving her or silently grieving over loosing her. I do hope he was reunited with her in heaven when he died. He still had a picture of them on his phone that he found on the internet somehow. He never stopped missing or loving her almost 20 years after her death.
Poor guy! I always felt bad for him having to endure such grief for so many years. I was no replacement for her in his ❤️ heart even though he loved me so much. I could just tell that a part of his heart was reserved for the two of them. I was never jealous, that's not how I roll.
He used to say about us, that if I ever died first, he wouldn't want to live anymore and that the only way we could die would be if we died together at the same time. That way neither of us would have to grieve. But here I am huh? Pressing on without him. My son that needs me is the only thing that keeps me going.

I will be ok in time. There might not be much life for me to live and blossom again, but I will try ok?

See, that's why I love you guys. You help me think of things I would have never thought of - like a little Shrine. I will definitely do that.
Thank you 💕

[SueShe]

I do wish you a lot of strength and courage and crying is nothing to be shameful about. It is a sign that you care and if my little contribution here with my words help you find a little peace, then I am happy I could help you. You take good care of yourself.

[SueShe]

Thanks formte MHO and I wish you all the best for your future

[Horse-girl]

It's more than ok, I can't imagine what you've been through and I really hope you are alright. I've never lost anyone like that but I know the grief of losing someone you love is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm sure he would be very happy you're still remembering him and talking about him. Good luck with everything! Xx

[sage2021]

@Horse-girl
You are so sweet and compassionate! Your words mean a lot to me.
The Coroner herself told me that he is watching over me. So maybe he is watching me talking to all of you about him.
I don't think a Cororner usually says things like that to the deceased person's people. She sounded like she knew something - like a matter of fact. I have held onto her words so many times. I think she was his Cororner that worked on his case. I just get that feeling. 🤔

[Horse-girl]

Well he was very lucky to have you as a girlfriend and I also believe he's probably watching over you, if you ever need someone to talk to about him then I'd be happy to listen. 😊

[ohsheeT]

Just because their body died. Doesn't mean that they're spirited are their soul died.

So they are still around.
If you love somebody if you love something and they are gone there's nothing wrong with bringing up . Your good memories of love a friendship of the bond that you had that made you feel good when you around each other if you're going to speak about them in a positive way to it.

When you feel emotions like that and that energy in those moments how do you know that that person is not right there standing right next to you trying to communicate if you know anything about energy you should be able to feel them as they're doing that but if it makes you feel good do it if it makes you remember the best parts about that person to it if it makes you happy do it you're keeping them alive with inside you and there's nothing wrong with it

[sage2021]

@osheeT
You know you are 100% right. He very well could be right here watching me write these memories we shared. But I don't feel him. I wish I did.

Astronomy, astrophysics and the Cosmos were his passion in life. Sometimes I have to wonder if he is up there and busy exploring the Universe on a much different level than he did on earth. I know he went to heaven because he was saved. I helped him to understand how to get to heaven.
At least my heart can rest knowing where he went when he died.

Thank you for making me feel comfortable to be able to come here to people that have known me for year's now and comfort me. It really means a lot Oshee❣️

[ohsheeT]

When you have some time just sit down close your eyes and meditate. Relax and breathe and become one with him in that moment again the better you get at it the more things you will start feeling

[OlderAndWiser]

Of course you should talk about your boyfriend. He was a major part of your life, you never forget someone like that, and a part of him lives forever within you.

[Lliam]

Don't keep it bottled up, dear Sage. Don't act like he never existed.

You honor him by talking about him. And it's good for you to do so.

Document your time together.
Share anecdotes about the wonderful times you had together and how much you loved each other.

Share your grief. It helps. And it's good to get loving support from others.

I've mentioned one particular girlfriend that I had. We were only able to be together for two years, but she is the only woman aside from my wife that I ever loved with my heart and soul. Our time together was a peak in my life that I can't be more grateful for.

I was overjoyed when we got back in touch years later on Facebook and even spoke on the phone. Then, five years after that, I read that she had died from a sudden medical problem at the age of 55. The news devastated me. There is still a hole in my heart that will never heal.

I still think about her all the time. I visit her Facebook page on occasion. It's a place of remembrance, like visiting her grave. I treasure the few photos I have of her. I talk to her silently.
I want to keep her fresh in my mind.

My life goes on, but I want to remember her as she was until my dying day.

And, yes, I write about her as a way of honoring her and immortalizing her existence.

So please don't hesitate to share, Sage. And feel free to DM me any time.

[sage2021]

@Lliam
I am very touched by your telling us about your girlfriend you spent two years of your lives together and had true love with her. Many people go through life never knowing what true, deep love feels like. But you do. I'm so truly glad you spent that time with her. ❤️
Patrick didn't have a Facebook account, but he was a contributor on Quora. com for many years. Even though he wasn't able to attend college because he had ADHD, he taught himself about astrophysics, astronomy and the Cosmos. Usually Quora. com wants people with college degree's, but he passed their strict criteria with his self taught knowledge. He was that smart. He has another section for miscellaneous question's and answers which I find interesting because he answers the questions about himself, things I never knew about him. I used to help him with his grammar and punctuation, etc., so when I am reading what he wrote I can see where he used the things I taught to make his writings look more professional. I taught him in a way that he wasn't able to learn in school and made it simple for him. He would smile real big and say "I get it now. The way you explained it was so easy compared to an English class".😊

I want to say thank you and everyone else that made me feel like it's ok for me to come on here and talk about him. It really is a big help to me.
And thank you for the offer to DM if I need to.
I feel so much better now. Thank you for sharing too, because I really like to hear of other people's experience with love and loosing that person forever. Since he died suddenly, I feel like I was blindsided when it happened. If he had an illness, I probably could have dealt with it better. Just three days before he died he was sitting on our bed telling me how great he feels. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you again Lliam 😊
sage🌹

[TonyMetal___86]

I liked the part where you were talking about your late love and i admire what you're doing for him and for sure he is happy and aware of what you're doing for him, in the end that's real love, never dies!

You made me sad reading the last part, i know that we are going to die someday, but i don't like to hear it, i want to see miss sage alive! Living a long life!

People who truly loves you, will always remember you alive or dead, they will use their chance to stay with you as much as they can while you're still here on earth because when you truly love someone, you just can't get enough from them, time will seize to exists! You just feel like you wanna press the pause button of time and be there forever!

[sage2021]

@TonyMetal__86
Tony I am sorry but I will reply to you soon. I am crying so hard right now I can't even see the keys on my cellphone to answer right now.
Thank you for understanding.

[TonyMetal___86]

Stop crying miss sage, it makes me sad ☹

[sage2021]

@TonyMetal__86

Well, I cried myself to sleep 😴💤 last night. I did take an anxiety pill my doctor prescribed for me to help with the anxiety.

All of the words you write to me mean so much to me Tony. You always know the perfect things to say to me. I love that about you❣️
I intend on rereading this post over and over. It will inspire me for sure.
Thank you as always Tony.
Sage🌹

[TonyMetal___86]

Well i was i just trying to tell you how i'm feeling about you, you're a rare amazing lady, i don't want you to cry because you have cried enough, in you're age, you must feel always happy, safe and comfortable because you have worked hard your entire life, you deserve to find peace and joy in the end, that's the least thing someone can give you...
Thank you miss sage for showing me that women like you still exists because i thought that women like you are only found these days in romantic novels or movies...

Keep smiling because your smile is precious 😊

[sage2021]

@thank you again Tony. I am glad that you now know that some of us women, although rare, still exist and didn't dash your hopes and that they can only be found in romance novels. You can pinch me now 🤗

[TonyMetal___86]

Haha 🤗

[sage2021]

@TonyMetal__86
I ran out of giving out of my two MHOs, so this an MHO because your words were so helpful and so profound.
Thanking you for your time and words to make me feel so much better inside.💕

[TonyMetal___86]

You're welcome miss sage 😌

[IslaTheWitch]

speaking about people we lost is a natural thing, Sage... use your friends and talk as much as you need... but if you notice it's too much... it's worth to ask a specialist to help you go through the mourning period and close it

[sage2021]

@IslaTheWitch
That's just it. I don't have anyone else at all to talk about him with.
That's probably why I talk about him so much here on GaG instead. I just can't keep my feelings all bottled up inside of me.
I would like to see someone who specializes in grief, but I just can't afford it.

[IslaTheWitch]

@sage2021 use us as much as you need :)

[sage2021]

@IslaTheWitch
Thank you for understanding and all of your kind words 🌺.
I just wasn't sure if people on here we're being bothered by me talking about him. x🤷🏼‍♀️

[D_Bone_Steak]

Very hard to live through... he's not living at all. Forgive me busting up laughing and pointing at the computer screen like WTF?

wtf

You serious?

Look Sage 2021 that's 69 years old... do what you what you gotta do. He's dead... why would he give a fuck?

😂 🤣

[RetroReviews]

It's okay to talk about it as long as it doesn't cause you further grief

[Surely]

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t talk about them. They were part of your life. Hopefully you have many pleasant memories and thoughts about them. To share with others. But of course. If you have nothing good to say. Better left unsaid!

[sage2021]

@Surely,
I hope you are speaking in general and not to me directly.
Why would I have nothing good to say about him?
All I talk about are good things about him. So, I guess you were speaking in general to everyone else.

[Surely]

@sage2021. I know that you loved him very deeply. You are correct. The last part was a generalization answer to your question.

[impalabill77]

It's OK to talk about them. My half brother's mother died in 1992 and he still talks about her.

[elizamichale1]

I think u can never stop talking about them but more u talk more painful it gets

[RedInnocent69]

Speak about them, but don’t be an obsessive bore either.

[sage2021]

@RedInnocent69
We'll, if my words about him begin to bore you, then just stop reading them.
I don't know, maybe you get bored easily?
But when a person is writing about some they lost, sometimes a few words are just not enough.

[sage2021]

Someone**

[RedInnocent69]

Oh I get it. I was just answering the question a new guy wants to get to know you, and expects to hear about close relationships, but what they don’t want is to be made to feel constantly compared to someone who’s not even around to compete with. Sorry if my initial opinion was terse.

[Jennz6]

Of course you should talk about it

[Iron_Man]

No talk about them

[Danny_dan92]

It’s good to vent to people you trust

[Nice222]

Talking always helps.