Boyfriend broke something in anger, red flag- should I be worried?

[EtherealQueen01]

My boyfriend and I have dated for about 3 years now, we don’t live together yet due to long distance but see each other every weekend and are hoping to move in together soon, he’s 28 and I’m 30.

He has never shown anger to me but he was in a bit of a mood last week and I asked him what was wrong, he said it was because of his Mom, he’s at home with his parents who are getting older and she keeps scratching the wooden floor with this stool after they’ve just had it renovated (he paid for it).

he's asked her many times not to use this stool on the floor but she keeps doing it so apparently he got the stool and smashed it.
I asked him questions and he said he has a temper, but I’m worried it’s a red flag.
I’ve had a previous angry ex and I don’t want another, any help please? Is this a sign I should break up?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Your ex had a temper, but did he ever hit you, or frighten you to the extent you thought he'd hit you? I ask this because I believe if ANYONE is pushed to their limits, they will lose their temper!

I have a terrible temper, but I have a way of controlling it and channelling it. I have a Pro punch bag in my home gym that I use for kick-boxing/ punching. I have never, nor would I hit out in anger.

The question you really need to know is, if his anger is violent or he can control it.. That would be the difference between staying or leaving him if I were you.

[EtherealQueen01]

True…I think we will go to a counsellor and try to get him to open up about it, thanks for your good answer

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're very welcome, and I hope you both enjoy living together.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Thank you for MHO

[MisterWack]

Ask him to get that temper calmed down or perhaps recommend he gets professional help / dating counselor? I don't know.

[DishLady]

First of all, is he some kind of f-ing idiot? There are felt pads and plastic caps to prevent scraping. They’re under $5 at Home Depot or Amazon…. No need to be violent AT ALL.


Next, are you an f-ing idiot? Anyone who does such a thing to elderly people won’t hesitate to do this to others. WHY are you questioning this so casually, as if he picked a red tie rather than a blue tie? Shut it down! My goodness.

[EtherealQueen01]

He’s tried the felt, they don’t work either apparently. You don’t need to swear and be rude.

[DishLady]

I’m not being rude. Violence is violence and shouldn’t be tolerated. Sounds like you’re making excuses for him too, so stay with him and don’t bug people on here with your “red flag” question.

[HaleyWalker]

Honestly it's material item you're not going to have your parents forever so I think that was pretty shitty of him to do. It becomes a red flag if he destroys everything when he gets angry if he doesn't go to anger management classes as in like agrees to do it if it's that bad then it's a red flag.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, navigating the waters of love and temper can be like dancing on a tightrope—exciting yet terrifying! Seeing red flags waving is like getting a sneak peek into what could be lurking around the corner. Smashing that stool? Sure, it screams "blockbuster drama," but it's the subtleties behind the action that beg a deeper look. If your beau admits to having a temper yet hasn't directed it at you, that's a breadcrumb on the path to understanding him. Three years is not just a weekend fling; it's a marathon of getting to know each other, with hurdles of personality quirks along the way.

Here's the crux: Communication, darling, as always. Address your concerns with the grace of a diplomat and the honesty of a best friend. Share your fears, your past experiences, and listen to his side. Love, remember, dealing with anger is like mastering an art - it takes patience, practice, and sometimes professional help. If he's open to tackling these temper tantrums head-on, perhaps through counseling or self-reflection, there's a glimmer of hope that this is just a bump in the road to happily ever after. But if your gut is sending SOS signals, pay attention. Trust your instincts—they're the love compass guiding you to what's best for your heart. 💔➡️💖 Keep it flirty, keep it smart, and above all, keep your wellbeing as the star of the show.

[EtherealQueen01]

Thanks for that good answer!

[MemeSupreme]

ehhhhhhh

you lived together for 3 years and he's never angry to you so it's fine. he's probably been upset bc of his parents doing that for a while so it built up too much

[MemeSupreme]

if he brings more shit then you gotta tall

[EtherealQueen01]

We haven’t lived together yet

[MemeSupreme]

you get the point lol

you've been together for 3 years

[Anonymous]

do you believe men are allowed to express their emotions?

if yes, then not a red flag

if no, then yes it's a red flag

[EtherealQueen01]

Yes of course! I’ve seen him cry many times etc but I feel like he should express anger in a healthier way, it can’t be good for him to express it like this and bottle it up until he explodes

[DrPepper12]

D finitely monitor after you move on through living together