Does anyone here feel overshadowed by an older sibling?

[Anonymous]

I have an older sister and she overshadows me and has been ever since I can remember. Everyone always recognizes her and asks about her but hardly anyone in the family asks or recognizes me. She went to a better university and has graduated already (although I am yet to graduate I don't think it will make any difference), everyone always comments on how much of a great girl she is (looks and personality wise), most people in my family like her more than me, she is always invited out by cousins and stuff while nobody asks me. She has a better job than me and everyone always recognises her achievements and congratulates her while nobody mentions a word about me. Now, these are all great things about my sister and I am happy for her but it would be nice if someone would ask about me for a change. Everyone always says it's because she is older than me and she is the first-born (it's only 2 of us) but it would be nice to get some recognition at times. Even with my achievements everyone focuses much more on what my sister has achieved and are so amazed at what she has done. But when it comes to me they not nearly half as bothered. Even with dating everyone is so impressed by how many guy want to court my sister. What gives?

[Anonymous]

I feel you haha

i only have one brother and he's 2 years older than me...he was always the super popular one haha. People always come up to me and say "your Chris blahblahs little sister right?" and no one knows me by my name...they knw me as chris's little sister...He is like super smart and going to be going to an IB college...and I'm smart and good at school too...i have A's...but I'm more artistic then he is..by a lot haha. but no one cares if I'm a good artist...they always compare me to him..when my uncles and aunts or watever call they always say.."hows chris doing? I hear he got a scholar ship blahblahblah" they never ask about how I just won the state art contest or how I'm doing..when I'm with familly they always talk about him..about his sports and grade and everything...he's always the one who gets the girls...i mean I have had 3 differnt boyfriends...(I could only tell my familly about one)because my bro is protective and wouldn't let me date him when he found out about it...so all my friends and his friends and everyone thinks I can't get a guy...and they compare me to him even more! trust me...hes had alot...ALOT...of girlfriends. so ya everything is about him..

ya like you I'm happy for him and everything but it would be nice for a change if they asked about me...

[thedilemma]

I guess I might be in the minority of the oldest sibling feeling overshadowed by the younger :) but I know what you mean.

I used to try so hard to get noticed, but what I managed to do was more taken for granted or overlooked for various sport achievments and what not by my younger sisters and cousins. And I avoid family gatherings on my mother's side since no one there knows who I am anyway. The embarrasment runs high for everyone when people try to figure out which of much talked about grandchildren you are, only to realize that you've never been spoken of. That followed with the "Then who are you?" and a quick retreat, makes you feel really special...

It's difficult (understatement...) not to let it get to you, but there really is no use in dwelling on it.

Perhaps I've become more cynical, because I just don't care about it anymore, but I do feel better. I do what I want to do, not because I'm looking for praise or approval but because I enjoy it.

[Asker]

Yeah sorry, this question is addressed to anyone who feels overshadowed by a sibling, whether younger or older. I guess I just put older sibling in my question because my sister is older than me. I appreciate your answer though. And good luck with getting through it.

[koala7]

Yes! Me! Whenever I meet my cousins or relatives, the first person they ask for is my older sister. She's the only person they can remember. =p

But I think it's because they're older and they know more of the people us younger people don't know. It bugs me sometimes though.

Sucky thing was that once this lady came up to my sisters and I and hugged us all all hello. And she skipped me! She didn't know I was part of the sisters. FAILED! =(

[Asker]

Ouch! That does suck! Does she remember you as part of the sisters now?

[koala7]

i have no idea...and I don't care..hmph..haha =)

[BlueBison]

yeah I know what you mean. You can't do much about it. Personally it's a injustice I think. The best advice I could give to you is that you don't let it get to you. Don't concern yourself with this. Stop comparing yourself or trying to get your attention. Be who you want to be and do the best you can in what you want to do. People will take notice. I know it hurts sometimes when your family doesn't acknowledge something you do, they don't purposely ignore you. Don't take it to heart.

[NatsP29]

Haha easier said then done. Everyone and their dog can pretty much ignore me and make me feel like I don't exist. Shall I keep trying to be an overachiever or some layabout, either way I'm ignored.

[ThatBritishLad]

My sisters are both intelligent, hard workers and successful. Being the only son, I had a lot of expectations forced upon me by my mother... I failed in all categories and became a paranoid wreck :P

[Alwayreckles93]

Are you seriously being ungrateful to your sister? I bet she's the one who changed your daipers and raised you. Do you have any idea parents have more high expectations for the older kids then their younger ones? This isn't fair how your disrespecting your sister. We older siblings we had to always be the back bone to the mom because parents don't want to do their job and expand the older daughters to raised the younger siblings. This question I find it offensive. Let your sister finally see freedom she did enough with raising you.

[Babymochi]

I have an older sister she's 7 years older than me. In 10th std , she got 90% marks while I got 70% marks and i got admission in my sister's old school. when I found out that I got admission because of my sister I was angry but I can't complain. when the teachers got to know that am her sister they looked at my marklist infront of me. Even the head teacher looked at me and discussed ammong themselves. i was ashamed and wanted to change school but I can't. I want them to see me as me not her sister. Now the classes are resumed. wish me luck.

There maybe some mistakes in my writing cause English is not my first language.