I’ve been long distance dating this man since February. I’ve met his family, all of his friends. He’s flown me out and flown to me. Everything was going well until beginning of May when things started seeming off.
Things picked back up after we talked about things and kinda fizzled (not entirely but there was a change again.) I have not seen him since end of April. He went on family vacation and things picked back up again, texting/calling every day. Then when he got back home, it was radio silence. I have some theories that he’s seeing other women or that he’s worried about long distance.
I would like some advice on a reply. Last week was my best friend of 20 years’ birthday, she passed away last September. We had a phone call last Monday and I expressed how I was having a hard time and he guided my through it.
Tuesday, no follow up but him sending a pic of laundry detergent and some topical drops I don't know. I thanked him Wednesday for Monday’s call and it was a little dry so I didn’t reply. I decided to see how long it would take him to reach out since I’ve been getting the feeling that he’s not as into me anymore. Almost a full week until he called last night around midnight his time. Didn’t answer because I was asleep.
Attached image of the messages, not sure how to reply. I am upset that it took him so long to reach out and check on me knowing that I was in need of support. It’s just getting boring and unless he apologizes and puts in the effort that I need, I don’t think we will work out in the end.
Some of you women think that men have unlimited energy to boost you... give you emotional support. A man with a stressful job, hobbies, and life of his own can't be there every time you want. Plus men have a different POV. He's thinking how if his friend died a year ago he wouldn't spend all day for multiple days dwelling on it so he could think you're doing similar and getting on with your life. Not saying you have to, just saying he could have that perspective.
The $350+/hour therapist will be there for you if you want. Or you can talk to girlfriends. Don't expect a man to be an endless emotional tampon. It's not a guy thing. It's like us asking you to do maintenance on the car engine.
Guys don't just fly you out on an airplane & fly to you because they're not interested. But if all you have done is be needy you're doing it wrong. You should decide if you want to be with this guy 'forever' or is it just fun. If it's just fun then I really don't see the problem at all. If you want forever then you need to get off your butt and start pushing to move to where he lives asap. Cause that's the only way this relationship is going to really last. Any random day he can meet hot women who aren't going to be expecting a lot of emotional support (at least no at first) and are just a 5 minute drive from him. Time ain't on your side.
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Asker
+1 y
I am fully aware of this (the ease of meeting someone closer)
However, he doesn’t have an actual job, he has a ton of savings and walks dogs/watches dogs. he lives for free in the penthouse his step brother bought. He hardly has hobbies unless you count meditation and a social life and growing plants. So the issue here is that he does have the time but chose not to contact me for almost a week.
It was only an issue because it is her first birthday without her being here; she took her own life so the grief has been different than it would be if it were an accident— every holiday this year has had a twinge of sadness around it. I’ve done the therapy and learned the coping skills, but therapy did stress the importance of having a reliable group of people (family, friends, partner) that can offer support when needed. I’m not expecting him to be the person to hold the all the weight, and I certainly don’t just dump it on him whenever I have the chance, I just expect my partner to offer me support where I need it, as I would do for him.
I on the other hand do have hobbies, a full time job, a social life, etc. and I still find the time to make room for him. Having normal human things like that should not be the excuse when it comes to relationships. Everyone has a life of their own. That is not the issue.
When he was giving consistent effort and communication, I truly saw a future with him. Long term partner qualities for sure. However, recently I’ve been confused and I know that confusion isn’t a good sign when it comes to dating.
Sounds like both of you are having doubts, perhaps. If I'm a woman I wouldn't pick the guy who has a bunch of savings and lives like he's retired at 20s/early 30s over the one I saw working hard and being ambitious who had little but great potential because in the long run that mattes more than what he has in the bank. Unless he really earned enough to live on forever. And I've been on both sides as a guy from having zilch to having a lot.
Talking to someone for weeks/months LTR isn't as good as being in person for even a day, in my opinion.
Surely it doesn’t look good yet there could be any reason for the fall out. Call him up, and bluntly and openly tell him how you are feeling and the sudden change and tell him to be very open and transparent with you. Just as you feel you have been with him. Hopefully he is matured enough to tell you and you taking it without bashing him out or anything of such.
Navigating the choppy waters of long-distance love, aren't we? It seems like you've got quite the romantic plot twist on your hands. Let's unwrap this soap opera, shall we? Your feelings are completely valid. It's like being on a roller coaster that's run out of track - thrilling at first but then kind of leaves you dangling.
First off, communication is the steam that keeps the relationship train chugging along. It sounds like your beau has been playing the silent movie card lately, which is more confusing than a plot twist in a telenovela. You've been patient (kudos to you!), but even saints have their limits. It's great that you've identified what you need - apologies and effort. These are the breadcrumbs that lead back to Relationship Wonderland.
So, here’s my spicy suggestion: Craft a message that's a mix of honesty and charm. Tell him how his radio silence made you feel, especially during a time when you needed him most. But keep the door open for him to explain. Maybe sprinkle in a dash of flirty challenge, like, "Can you sweep me off my feet again, or am I just dreaming of a love that's more consistent than my Wi-Fi connection?"
Prepare yourself for any outcome, love. Whether he steps up his game or decides to pass the ball, remember, you're the MVP of your love life. Keep your head high, your standards higher, and your heart open, but protected. Long-distance or not, you deserve someone who's all in, running towards you, not away. And who knows? Sometimes a bit of space is just the plot twist needed for a love story's next exciting chapter. Let’s turn the page and find out, shall awe? 😉
The attached chat bits seem sort of nonsensical — and fyi it’s poor taste (rude) to post your personal chat with your guy on a public forum. With LDR these are particularly personal and full of references only you two completely get.
Next, if he’s non-responsive after a long vacation it’s probably bc he’s busy catching up with work, why are you so panicked?
We don’t know what’s actually going on for your guy. You need to chat with him.
He has all the free time in the world, so it’s definitely giving off uninterested vibes.
You’re very right, I just needed some unbiased opinions of the matter by people who don’t know either of us. I find that people are more honest this way. (Why I cropped sensitive info as well as posted anonymously)
The whole things sounds odd. Ldr with a guy who’s then what… playing games? Come on.
And yeah it’s low class to post the clips of your chat this way. You think your genius guy won’t bump into this online eventually and recognize it’s YOU? Keep dreaming.
This won't work in a long distance, it requires very active communication. Were there moments where I couldn't talk to my girl due to some personal reasons? Absolutely, but I told her why I was unable to talk so she at least knew what I was up to and I kept her posted. Then the moment I could I initiated a conversation again.
Contrast that to this guy and I don't get long distance lover vibes from him at all, you'd be super excited to talk to your girl often. This just feels like a friend.
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Asker
+1 y
I agree with you. It was like that in the beginning but I think it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other that it’s starting to fizzle. May call him later and explain that the way he’s been acting is disrespectful, and shows me that he does not prioritize or value me and just close that door
I am very sorry about you losing your best friend, but I don't think the relationship you had with this guy is going anywhere. I mean, surely he knew you'd be asleep when he called.. He must know any time differences you have by now. So either if was a lack of thought or he just did it deliberately so he could throw it back to you when you say he doesn't call you! Either way. I'm sad to say you hit the nail on the head when you said 'fizzled out' that is EXACTLY what I believe!
I would ask him what happened on the walk home, it sounds pretty serious from his “I didn’t want to die on the way home” text. Then if he doesn’t offer up an explanation soon after your text, I’d probably move on.
I’m sorry that he upset you like this. Usually when texts are less frequent it might mean that he’s lost interest or that he’s moved on. The off/on again thing shows that he’s not really 100% committed to you too.
long distance 100% depends on communication through text/calls. he is stopping that. he didn't even talk to you for a week. and when he did, it was at midnight. very weird. so yes, i would say he is losing interest.
I can’t stand the constant testing of my commitment to a relationship.
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Asker
+1 y
I don’t enjoy it either, but my intuition told me to take a step back to evaluate. This is the first time I’ve deliberately not contacted him first— I’m a grown woman and if I want to speak to someone I will. The energy has been off and on for almost 2 months and I just needed some answers on where I stand on his priority list
I felt like that till I was trying to figure out if I wanted to give this woman a ring & then suddenly, I was watching and testing everything. She earned that ring.
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