Is it ok for a friend to ask a guy out on my behalf?

[Anonymous]

I’m really shy and she’s trying hard to force me out of my shell. This includes giving me unsolicited dating advice, pushing me to go out on dates, telling me who to match with and CONSTANTLY asking me to keep her up to date on my dating life. Other friends of hers warned me not to involve her in my personal life as she is pushy with everyone. I didn’t realize what they meant. She’s very personable and fun, and she’s a good friend who I love to death, but I asked her for help in improving my communication skills for work reasons (I’m in a commission based sales position) and she just INVITED herself into my dating life, saying “going on dates frequently and getting laid will put you more at ease with communication”. I don’t see how that’s possible and I feel like she used that as an excuse to butt into my personal life. She calls it “bursting the bubble I live in”. I’ve always been quiet. I’ve also never been the type to ask a guy out. I let the guy ask me out (which she says is wrong). She’ll badger me for updates about getting dates so much that I cave and tell her to shut her up, then she’s telling me exactly what outfit I need to wear on dates, how to do my hair and what makeup to put on. One day she even showed up at my house telling me that she was doing my hair and makeup for me whether I wanted her to or not, and she did it and didn’t give me a say in ANY of it, not even my damned shoes despite me telling her “girl stop, I’ve got this!”. The latest thing; I’m on hinge swiping and a guy messages me, telling me “you’re really attractive”. I was feeling less shy that day and said “thanks, you’re cute yourself.” She walks behind me and sees the message, grabs it and asks him out on my behalf and then he starts talking about getting dirty with me. I called her out and she said she’s forcing me out of my “bubble”. Really what she did was force me into an uncomfortable situation.

Am I overreacting or am I right and she is too pushy? I feel like her Barbie doll!

[DoggyDude]

Your not over reacting. I feel people who rush out into life, and get into several relationships which are short lived but often fun, rather than consdier if they had wasted their time, feel that they are somehow some kind of 'relationship stars' and to feel good about this they try to make as many other people 'the same' as they are. It happens in many situations, married couples are frequently quicj to encorage other weddings because they don't want to be the only ones (in my personal opinion).

It's super uncool what your friend did. It's one thing for you to go to her for advice, but another entirely for her to take over your life and rush you into situations like that.

People who make mistakes, I find, often feel its not a mistake if they get others in the same situation.

Take your time, respect yourself. It is good to get out and meet people and it is also good to not be 'too' closed off to persuing something extra, but you want it to be with someone who works at least a little like you.

So yea, she's too push. Make it clear your greatful but "enough already". Tell her "hey, look I respect you your great so I'll be comming to you when I need, just let ME come to YOU please."

Best of luck

When I read this first, I thought you just meant is it fine for you to get a friend to ask a guy out on your behalf, was going to say "sure" then I read it and.. yeh. Sympathies.

[jahaims]

Nope

[DishLady]

No, Cyrano, it's not. What's the matter with you? Get a backbone and do your own dirty work.

[Asker]

I didn’t want her asking him out for me. She just snatched my phone out of my hand and took it upon herself to ask the guy out for me despite me telling her not to.

[Asker]

Believe me it was against my will

[Asker]

I was asking if I was wrong for being upset about it. I prefer the guy ask me out

[Fromdusktilldawn]

she is only trying to help, accept it and go on the date. If after the date she escalates things, pushing for more, it would be better to ask her to stop

[OtterMan68]

why not set up a group date?