If you are married and have a backup plan person, is that cheating?

Question

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It’s not cheating , if they don’t act on it , but it’s a disrespectful trait to have , and it means they could possibly act on it? . It pretty much means something is missing in their current relationship or they are insecure and afraid to be alone , if their current relationship doesn’t go the way they thought it would People that have back up plans shouldn’t be in relationship with anyone period , because they don’t know how to give the same way they want to receive , They only think what is best for themselves , they do not know how to love someone , they only love themselves. So if you have a back up plan? you really don’t love your current partner , you just like the convenience of your current partner because you are acting like they are just lan option to you, that you will easily replace, if things don’t go your way. Selfish people have back up plans

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

If you're married, you should not be thinking about anyone but your partner. I wouldn't say it's cheating exactly. I think cheating happens when you have intentions of getting with someone else while you're with a partner. But having that person in your mind definitely isn't right either. It's just wrong and if it was my friend that had that "backup girl", I'd probably tell him to stop thinking of her that way.

I know it's not something I can control about others, but it's just wrong lol

Laciejordan · Accepted Answer

That's an interesting question. Not that long ago, someone asked "women" only that question. They had read that a very high percentage of women admitted to having a "backup" guy. I think like five women answered his question and said they never have had a backup. I never had someone on the back burner and think it is a form of cheating. That definitely means you are not 109% committed to your relationship and are either looking for a way out or are expecting it to eventually fail. You're wasting everyone's time, because let's not forget, there's also the person on the "back burner" that is being strung along.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Yeah. Your spouse is supposed to be your “for-lifer” backup person “in sickness and in health” and so on…. You’re not supposed to have someone on the side….

The ONE exception that hands down isn’t cheating would be a surrogate if the couple can’t have kids together (which has existed since biblical times… Abraham and Sarah), but we have science available to make that happen without direct intercourse, so… back to the original “yeah it’s always cheating” thesis….

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Diving into the deep end, are we? 😉 Having a "backup plan" person while you're married is a bit like walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon—thrilling but dangerously close to disaster. It's not cheating in the physical sense, of course, but emotionally? Oh, it's skating on thin ice. Think about it: you're investing emotions, thoughts, and perhaps a bit of flirting into someone that's not your spouse. That's energy that could be dazzling your main love story. Remember, the grass might seem greener on the other side, but it's greener where you water it. So, why not invest all that allure and enthusiasm into your marriage? Spark it up! Keeping backups might seem like a safety net, but it's really a signal you're not all in. And love, real love, is a gamble that requires throwing down all your cards on the table, betting on what you have, and not holding out for a hand you're keeping in your back pocket. Keep the game fair and thrilling—with the one you promised to play it with. ✨

MisterWack · Answer

“Ladies, THIS is why so many men refuse to commit to you. Men have collectively lost faith that his commitment will be reciprocated by you. When it comes to marriage men end up risking much more than the woman, especially if she has a backup plan.”

”Notice how few pink votes there are”.

I voted on this in general, a lot of men have backup plans too and a lot of men are cheaters, please don’t utilize the votes of the many to pull some sort of biased Anti Woman sentiment. Notice the majority of women who did vote actually agreed with the statement since BOTH genders don’t see gender, they see backup plan = cheating which is exactly what you asked.

Stick to the topic, don’t derail this into Male V. Female culture war crap.

I want to say this: Women of GAG aren’t sexist posting the way men frequently are on here and it is a disgrace. So much so women had a few posts appreciating men & showing love to men, get a grip of reality / stop to smell the roses.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

If it isn't agreed upon, thus acting outside of the rules of a game, then it's cheating.

Think of it like cheating in sports. You have to break rules in order to do it... to cheat. Otherwise you're just playing by the rules.

... or be that fucking asshole that makes the rules up as they go in order to always win.

If you are married and have a backup plan person, is that cheating?

In the context of the question though... I highly doubt the person going without extra attention and genital action has agreed that it's cool for their "partner" to go ahead and find that for themselves elsewhere while they continue to be lonely and still used for whatever they're being used for.

Bottom line... it's most likely cheating as per their agreement with one another.

MicahRaine · Answer

Assuming you mean a backup partner, yes it is cheating. It's also a form of self-sabotage.

Complete commitment is a necessary ingredient to a good marriage. If you have someone on the side/as a backup plan, you are NOT committed to the marriage and should not have married.

Once you've married, there is no justification for having a "backup plan." Doing so not only disrespects your parter, but also yourself and any children you have, not to mention God if you're religious.

Drewtate · Answer

No but it's a clear indication that you are planning an escape.

I was some chick's back up guy. She actually thought that she could monkey branch into a relationship with me.

I mean if she cheats on him with me then she going to cheat on me one day.

Jessikaah91 · Answer

This is weird shit. Like I've heard of people having that backup person like if they're not married in x amount of years they'll marry each other but you're married with a backup person I'd be mad if I found that out.. it's like you kept this backup person because you have like no faith you and your wife will last

just_a_potato · Answer

If you need a 'back up person' while you're actively married to me, then you might as well divorce me now. Why would he think this way, does he anticipate our failure? 😭

ChiTown33 · Answer

It's not cheating, YET. But why would you ever do such a thing? I mean if you're getting married with a backup plan that illustrates how non-committed you are to the person you're marrying.

If you go into a marriage with anything than the thought of FOREVER, you should just do EVERYONE a favor and cancel the wedding. Because you are not ready to marry. And this goes for BOTH genders.

Daniela1982 · Answer

If you have a plan, you are more likely to go with that plan when things go wrong than in trying to fix it. I would at least call that cheating of the heart, because most likely you are thinking what it would be like to be with them, and frankly, have sex with them, right?

Lliam · Answer

I don't know if it's cheating, but it means that you are distrustful and not committed to your partner or the institution of marriage. Why would you marry someone in the first place with an attitude like that? You basically married your partner under false pretenses for selfish reasons.

Anonymous · Answer

You can have a back up plan, or you can think, damn Larry in accounting is so hot, or you can check a guy out of the corner of your eye all you want...UNLESS you act on said thoughts, it's not cheating. You can't go to court and go, well she thought about it, or he thought about it, so therefore...

...now does it make you a bit of bastard, certainly, yes.

HighValue · Answer

It would be emotional cheating because there has to be romantic emotional attachment in order for them to actually be a backup plan.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I would say it is cheating. If you're in a committed relationship for real, you wouldn't even think or seek out a backup partner.

ZackBan · Answer

Yes it is. Marriage is an all or nothing deal. You can't be in one while making sure you have options somewhere else. I wouldn't even accept my girlfriend having a "backup" somewhere.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

I would say it's somewhat emotional cheating. You're either 100% in it or not at all. There shouldn't be an in between.

meepmeeperton · Answer

I’d say it’s basically emotionally cheating. It’s not literally cheating of course, but it’s rejecting loyalty to someone who’s supposed to be your life partner, and investing a part of yourself in someone else.

worldscolide · Answer

It's like saying you have no faith that the marriage will continue. While it's not actually cheating, it's shitty and something I would divorce over if my wife had a backup plan like that.

SaoirseS · Answer

I don’t know that I would call it cheating, but it sure is wrong on every imaginable level.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

what does "backup person" even mean?

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I don't know if I would call it cheating but certainly a huge red flag

Dongie · Answer

You DAMN right it's cheating. If you are not 100% honest you're a cheat.

DextroShade · Answer

This is why I would never let my wife have male "friends".

Anonymous · Answer

good luck getting people with options to admit this because there's always gonna be plausible deniability

sheenagwapa · Answer

yes that is cheating. and i wish such person would get to marry to domeone awful as him/her

clampfan101 · Answer

Technically no, but it almost sounds like it might as well be. I can’t imagine my future wife having a backup man for me…

DrPepper12 · Answer

Hell yes its cheating!! An exit strategy? CHEATING!!!

dustybiker2 · Answer

It's only cheating if acted upon. Break up and all is good. It happens.

avery58 · Answer

Yeah, pretty much

Vegasrunner · Answer

For women absolutely for men not so much.

Anonymous · Answer

No it's not.

If you are married and have a backup plan person, is that cheating?

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