Does a cheater really think their apology will work after getting caught?

[Anonymous]

I've seen it happening to someone else. The cheater got caught via explicit text messages, describing everything. Then suddenly after initially denying it all (even going as far as looking you square in the eyes and reassuring you they didn't cheat) and until shown the evidence, all of the suddenly they crumbled, apologize profusely, begged you, etc.

Some cheaters do that even when caught in the act, naked with someone else. Some suddenly apologized.

Do they honestly think their apology after getting caught is going to work out? What's the point of apologizing by then? Might as well remain silent and walk away, say nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Means their morality is intact but not their resistance to sexual desire (for the ones who just dont' revel cheating till their caught, not the ones why lie barefaced).

I think it also shows they felt bad for cheating, which is at least something to show they didn't do it to hurt the other person but because they are weak.

As a non-cheater myself, I recently had reason to more sympathise with the cheater. The relationship I'm in is a long distance one and the person I met when they where single had rejected me and ended up with a daughter with another man. It wasn't her cheating (not saying it was) because she rejected me, but we are now together. Staying in the right mindset can be a challenge, its hard not to feel "cheated" even though there isn't a right on my side. I had another girl who was VERY keen to be with me from the off, and although I wouldn't get seriously involved there. I Have to confess her stance towards me is highly tempting. I could imagine a situation where I cheated because I felt cheated (wrongly), so when they appollogise I bet they mean it and are genuinely upset they did it, at the same time as they wouldn't not have either.

So whilst I remain "not a cheater" I think I will accept an appology given should my partner cheat on me, though I wouldn't hope for that to happen or even be sangine if it did.

[Asker]

The issue is those that kept cheating until caught are likely to cheat again.

[Opinion Owner]

I think a lot of cheating is an underlying issue. Meaning that whilst some cheats are surely as described, I think a greater portion are reflecting some unaddressed relationship issue with the cheating, not to say either partner is a cause, but saying the reason cheaters appologise is because they often don't know why their cheating and hate their hurting someone they love, at the same time they haven't or aren't dealing with some isuse (either from ignorance, or just being caught between love and reality of their own needs).

What I'd agree, is that someone who's a cheater will continue to cheat until they either resolve whatever issue is making them cheat, or face up to whatever is stopping them letting the person their cheating on go (e. g. be free of them and their cheating).

My point here is that if we view anything complex in one dimension alone (e. g. over simplistically) we tend to cause other issues. I would say all cheating is bad, but not all cheating is difficult to understand.

I guess thats my summation here, if you understand why they cheated as their partner then its different from when you only see the offence. That doesn't mean anyone should 'accept' a cheat back, it just means that judgement coming from a place of understanding of both ones own need not to be cheated on combined with the reasons they cheated, is the best place to decide what to do, which may or may not be to accept their appology.

[Danny_dan92]

You’d be surprised how many are forgiven 😂😂

[SarahS98]

yup. Take my case for instance. My own existence literally depended on my father forgiving my mother (whom was then his girlfriend at the time) 32 years ago and them still getting married 4 years after her cheating.
Had he dumped her or never married her later on, I would've never existed, never been born.

[Danny_dan92]

What’s important for you is to know what your mom did was wrong @SarahS98

[SarahS98]

I know. If it helps, my dad had a revenge affair 8 years later after her cheating. That's just wrong too. Two wrongs basically. I discovered all this 2 years ago by reading dad's old journal. I would've never guessed they even had issues. They seemed perfect. Damn.

[Danny_dan92]

Two wrongs don’t make a right, however you are calling out both instances as wrongs, as you should. So there’s a positive to all of this

[SarahS98]

Well I can't understand them but it's likely they never thought they would get caught and don't know what to say or it really took getting caught to realize the magnitude of their actions and maybe, just maybe they are sorry after all.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic cheater's conundrum – to apologize or not to apologize after being caught, that is the question. 😏 Here's the deal, lovebirds: when someone cheats and then suddenly turns into an apology machine after being caught, it's often less about genuine remorse and more about trying to salvage what's left of their image or relationship. It's a bit like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar and then saying sorry—not because you regret eating the cookies, but because you're bummed you got caught. 😅

So, do they really think it'll work? Well, hope springs eternal in the human breast, as they say. They might hope for forgiveness, fear losing what they have, or just panic and default to apologies without thinking it through. But here's a hot take: an apology after being caught can feel a bit like a band-aid on a broken leg. It's more about damage control than a heartfelt mea culpa.

The point? Sometimes, they're trying to ease their own guilt, cling to the relationship, or maybe, just maybe, they're genuinely realizing the magnitude of their mistake (better late than never, huh?). At the end of the day, it's not the apology that counts, but the action that follows. Will they change? Or is it just another verse in the same old song? 🎶 Keep an eye out for those red flags and listen to your gut. Trust is like a paper; once it's crumpled, it can never be perfect again. 💌

[DishLady]

Does it matter?

[Asker]

No but it gets me laughing whenever they try apologizing after getting caught.

[DishLady]

Oh... I never laugh about a cheater having been badly "burned" by a pretty nasty one.