Why is there a better chance of reconciliation if a cheater confesses vs they get caught?

[Tulipsxoxo]

Well infidelity for sure destroys trust in relationships and marriages but I've heard that a chance of a reconciliation slightly increases if the cheater actually comes clean vs gets caught.

Among the very few successful stories of R I've heard, it was mainly about the cheater confessing. Meanwhile those that got caught either ends up in an immediately break-up or divorce or the R process is short-lived and fails.

Why do you think there is a better chance of a reconciliation (even if it's only by 10-20%) if a cheater confesses than if they get caught?

[Nxtawm]

I think it’s because it shows they felt guilty about it (I mean they could also just be faking that guilt but there’s a higher chance they felt guilty) and regret the choice they made. So if they realized they made a mistake and decided to tell you, there’s a higher chance they can change. It’s easier to rebuild trust off that versus knowing they probably wouldn’t ever tell you and only regret it cause they got caught

[sheikalana]

Because some people are too soft and appreciate when someone is that vulnerable and shows genuine regret.

[genericname85]

for me personally, i prefer if the confess. cause then i can still somewhat respect them. i will still break up. but at least we'll part with respect.

[Tulipsxoxo]

yeah I've heard of this too. It's still a break-up but at least it can be on better terms than a ''get the hell out of my life, you bastard/nasty skank'' when someone had to catch them.

[genericname85]

yeah. i know people make mistakes and learn. and i would even be willing to believe that they may actually never betray me again. but the thing is that i will never be able to trust them again, so a relationship is just pointless at that point. not just for me but for her too. cause who wants to be with a partner that doesn't trust them? it's shitty.

[Billlewis]

I think so. My first serious girlfriend cheated on me every weekend and when she told me about it, I had to admit that it turned me on tremendously.

[Tulipsxoxo]

Well being turned on by it and wanting an open relationship is different from people that only want a committed relationship and never expected to get cheated on.

[Billlewis]

True, but I'm a longtime cuckold now, if that's any help.

[taurusman]

I personally do not give someone a second chance who cheats on me