If a cheater confesses, is that at least better than those that get caught?

Question

I once had a boyfriend that admitted to me the next day. His first words were ''(my name) I really have bad news. I cheated yesterday and feel like a horrible person. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry''

I thanked him for at least having the guts to come and say it in my face instead of lying and keeping me in the dark. I'm generally harsh on cheater but I actually don't hate him as much as the other cheaters that continue cheating until they get caught.

If they come clean on their own are they at least better than those that get caught?

ConspiracyTheorist · Accepted Answer

Yes it's better because it shows that he was sincerely sorry for what he had done and not just sorry he got caught, plus I think in that situation if y'all had stayed together you would be able to have trust in him still.

I gave my wife multiple opportunities to tell me the truth and should've just realized that I knew but she deny deny deny until I left her no other option and as much as I wanted to trust her I couldn't at all because even though she said sorry about it and some other shit but how could I believe her if she was still lying... anyway I got it from her eventually and it didn't help because she had no other option but to admit it and actually this was just messages I seen but still she tried saying her friend did it on her messenger haha I'm not stupid woman.

MementoMori_ · Accepted Answer

"I thanked him for at least having the guts to come and say it in my face instead of lying and keeping me in the dark." Then I dumped his ass!

DaveJord · Answer

I think its some what of a redeeming quality to come clean. It does not excuse the what happened, but it makes it easier for the person the long run to find closure, even if it is more painful in the short term. People make mistakes, and when they own up to them I think it makes it easier for them and the other person to learn from the mistake and do better going forward.

It takes a lot of courage for someone to addmit it, and to come clean without you pinning them down on the facts. That means they really did think a lot of you, or at least enough to want to tell you the true instead of having you find out later after you have continued to invest into a relationship over a period of time not knowing.

I am not saying you should forgive them for having enough integrity for coming forward... but I would say its good of them to have the decency to do it. Its better then just having someone split or ghost on you and leave you wondering what you did wrong.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

There are always exceptions to the rule, and this guy may be one of those exceptions. However, I think when cheaters confess, it is usually done because they want to be relieved of the guilt that they feel. . . so it is one more thing that they are doing for a selfish reason.

coachTanthony · Answer

--------Actually YES. here's why. When a cheater confesses you at least can go get checked out for health purposes. FUCK them at this point but now look out for yourself.

Pinay_ako · Answer

I’d rather you be mean than love and lie. Just don’t break my heart slow

Finchie40 · Answer

The thing about taking a cheater back is the fact that you are taking a 50/50 chance on whether they will cheat on you again , It’s best to move on from them even though he did the right thing by telling you the truth it still shows his true character that he cheated period , I cheated on a girl once when I was younger and I told her the truth and that i understand if she wants to end things with me and that she deserves better , She wanted to stay with me and work it out. I felt like the biggest piece of shit considering I had no right cheating on her and told her that i won’t do it again even though I did not cheat on her again , I became my own worst enemy and felt that she was going to cheat on me for revenge , So I had to end the relationship and realized if I truly valued her I wouldn’t of cheated on her , So again I am not saying it can’t work it’s just going to be a bumpy ride , My advice to you is if you take him back make sure you give him reassurance that you aren’t going to cheat on him and make sure you set boundaries with him , He dug his own grave so if he can’t follow the boundaries then you are best to let him go

lightbulb27 · Answer

yes. Unless someone was raised/trained with standards, then they may not think enough to avoid creating problems, falling into traps of life. They may not think how hurtful such an act will be as our society seems to promote filth rather than quality. some guys don't know how manipulative girls are (some guys are baited) nor their own weakness and vulnerability, as well their own motives and emotions may be corrupt... even if they are "Christian" or whatever. Dont' believe BS labels... it's a human. People don't know their reactions until they are tested. Without training in values... they can be in trouble fast.

what matters is how that event changed that person. If a person found root causes, developed new value, made legitimate change, then ok... that was life changing. doesn't mean you have to stay with them, that's your choice since trust was broken. Some people do, some don't and it is hurtful.

Chris_Morgan · Answer

It's definitely better than the cheaters who continue to cheat for years and waste their partner's time, put them at risk for STDs, and leave them hurt and feeling betrayed and worthless. However, the person who cheats and then admits it the next day is still pretty inconsiderate, because 1). If they really cared about you they wouldn't have done it, and 2). they're basically just trying to unload their guilt and put everything on to their partner. They feel like a weight has been lifted off of them after they confess and shift the pain to you.

It's admirable that he got counselling and never cheated again though. That's rare and it shows that he must have a conscience.

TallAnon · Answer

Let's think this through then.
The reason he confessed is because he had guilt.
That means two things, the first is that he has enough humanity to place himself in your shoes and consider how you would feel; Empathy. The second is that he selfishly decided to hurt you in order to relieve his guilt; Egoism.
So in one way he's shown empathy, in another way he has shown egoism.
Life is never black and white, but those roughly equal out in my book. So in my opinion, he's neither better or worse, the fact that he cheated remains.

2Wheels · Answer

I would say definitely yes. It would take massive guts to confess something like that.
It would come as a lighter blow than finding it out yourself I would think.
I'm not so sure on the forgivable end of things though. That would definitely depend on a lot of things. How long you've been together, are you married, have kids, etc.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

If she did it once a long time ago and told me, I can probably look past it. If she did it recently and told me, it makes me feel like she's going to do it again and I can't trust her.

For something like that, context is big for me because there's really not a lot of situations where I see it playing out where we're still in a relationship once it's all over.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Yes, those that confess are better than those that get caught.

I've often said... if caught there is a 100% chance of things ending, but if they confess they might have a 30% chance of counseling and working things out. Still not good odds but definitely better than 0%

BlueScorpio · Answer

I think it's better to tell the truth then them finding out about later, cause eventually it's going to come out. Plus what's the point in staying in a relationship that doesn't make you happy? Instead ofbcheating, just break up and be single. Better to be alone then cheat.

FreyaRed · Answer

It doesn't matter, if they confessed they did it for themselves and not for you. There is no other option than to dump them and to destroy their existence if you have the power to do that.
It's nothing personal after the point they cheated.

VanguardTitan · Answer

Well it definitely better than ones who try to hide it. But of course that doesn't make the actual thing any better, it's still a deal breaker and violation of trust.
I'd hate them for what they did but respect them for giving me the dignity of telling me honestly. I'd still breakup tho.

MountAverage · Answer

Of course it's better. Whether it's enough to make the relationship work after it happened, is another question.

AviatorTom · Answer

Everyone makes mistakes, and it's always good to admit the mistake and learn from it. Cheating is not good, but sometimes it happens, and confessing is the better thing to do.

Tekkasonic · Answer

I've never understood why people think there is love if people cheat. If you respect and care for someone it shouldn't be hard. I think if you cheat there is no love there and the relationship should end and move on...

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

Yeah I think it's much better... They still have respect for you

shanshu · Answer

Depends really, is it really because of his guilt or possibly you would of found out sooner anyway, maybe from the person who he cheated on you with or the person who caught him cheating.

If there was no trail leading from the person he cheated on you with then would he still have told you?

In the end of it yes it was better coming from him

tzdc21 · Answer

They are still POS, but at least they told me as opposed to keeping it a secret and me finding out on my own.

Twalli · Answer

I'm more likely to forgive someone if they tell they cheated soon after the incident over me finding out some other way. If they tell me by their own initiative it means they genuinely regret their actions.

Stay-hungry · Answer

I personally think that is best

being lied to or not knowing the truth is the worst feeling in the world

once you get to know the truth you feel better

I wish that you find happiness in everything you do 💛

DermalPunch · Answer

Cheaters who confess are just too weak to deal with the consequences so they want to offload some of the pain and guilt. That's all. They are worse.

If you truly feel bad. You keep it to yourself. End it and stop messing up.

20yearsolder · Answer

The only reason he confessed was because he had a guilty conscience, telling you made him feel better. In turn it made you feel worse. He's a piece of shit, move on

lookingeverywhere · Answer

That same boyfriend had other women before you even met, so what is the big deal. As long as he enjoy your body, let him have some fun with other women. You will reap the benefit because with many different women he'll learn many new tricks to satisfy you. Talk to him about what he does with other women, and get him other women. Then watch snd help him by touching him while he is doing it to her.

Haha456 · Answer

if he confessed , it means he doesn't really care that much if you break up with him or not. it shows he does not care

Guy13 · Answer

Yiu misding that first guy now⁉️ Realizing how good he actually was and that you were to hard on him ⁉️

Sorrento-Sun · Answer

I wouldn't say it's better, because the pain of his betrayal wouldn't change or be eased by the fact that he told me.

Vegasrunner · Answer

The absolute worse thing you can do is confess to cheating. It makes you "feel" better because he disclosed his secret but as you said you're not w/ that guy anyway so he didn't get anything out of it.

genericname85 · Answer

i personally think yes. it's a lot better if they confess. i probably won't forgive them and most likely still leave them. but at least i can still have some respect for them.

Sour-rose · Answer

Sure, but i'm still pissed and probably can't trust the mofo

dustybiker · Answer

Yes, of course. Much better than a lying cheater.

JustADudePlayinADude · Answer

I think it is much better, but they still deserve to be broken up with.

Mangospacho · Answer

Yes, but only as long as they’re telling the whole truth. If they confess to one affair and, in reality, they’ve had 7 affairs, it really doesn’t matter to confess to only one.

Agape93 · Answer

Better but still too much. A Shiney shit is still a piece of shit

TroyDT2 · Answer

Better than, yes, but it's still an automatic dump.

maximumpower · Answer

Nope. Nothing good can ever come of admitting it. It will ALWAYS be thrown back into your face.  May not be right away - may even take years - but it'll happen.

mohammed93alaa · Answer

You must know the reason that made him commit cheating at the first placev, its more important than whether he confess or keep it a secret

Anonymous · Answer

I'm fuckboy. I said openly to all girl's. I don't do relationship. I chase sex. I don't play lovy dovy game with girls for sex.  So who I am? Honest?

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Yes its definitely better. What's even better is if he told you before he did it and made sure you were ok with it.

MiseriaCantareAFI · Answer

No, the apology is nice, but it only makes you want to take them back, SO THEY CAN DO IT AGAIN

Anonymous · Answer

I been cheated on and it hurts bad. Yes they're honest but only because of the guilt they feel even though the person they cheated on is left with the hurt and unbearable pain

Anonymous · Answer

the outcome is still the same. either situation isn't better than the other.

LivingExample · Answer

Yes, at least you know Honestly is part of his Character!

RangerBlue22 · Answer

It depends on how and why they confessed.

BLP11520 · Answer

I think my wife did years ago, a nagging doubt. I never have fully trusted her, Yes it sucks

Rania05 · Answer

Much better of course, coming

dreamstar72 · Answer

Both are bad but I think confessing is worst

Shy_Steve · Answer

Yes because you can both move on quicker.

AddylynnNightingale · Answer

It's better. I'll be grateful. Hurt but grateful.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I guess. Still sucks for you though.

boobliker · Answer

not at all, they are still a cheater

Confusedashell123 · Answer

Once a cheater always a cheater

grega239 · Answer

Its the same. Infidelity is infidelity.

msc545 · Answer

Just marginally better.

jamartheg · Answer

I don't know I’m a cheater but I don’t get caught

Anonymous · Answer

Not by much, because they are still cheaters.

ZenJen444 · Answer

Girl bye

EaterPeter · Answer

Depends

Wrightisrael22 · Answer

Ohh nice

If a cheater confesses, is that at least better than those that get caught?

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