I accidently friend zoned a very good friend and now he says he made a mistake. What do I do?

Question

I recently became friends with this guy and our friendship has been great. Our friendship is exactly the kind I've been looking for.

When we first met I was taking a break from relationships and he knew that. Fortunately for me he wanted nothing to do with relationships either. He was always saying how love and relationships only brought pain. He was so against it due to past experiences that I never expected him to hint that he wanted to be with me.

It happened when he was trying to convince another guy to think of living a single like he was and I begun to explain to him how people need certain things that can only be found in a lover and not in a friend. I told him of some things I was looking out for but a friend couldn't give me. Then he started saying that he could give me those things. Initially I thought he meant he could give me those things as a friend so I was a bit skeptical about giving in. It was a while later that I realised he wanted to be more than a friend.

I've told him that I can give us a chance because he is the kind of guy I want to be with and I think being with him would be a good thing but he keeps saying that he made a mistake by changing his mind about love and that it only brought him pain.

I've always known that he's the kind of guy I want but both of us wanted nothing to do with relationships before so I never let myself develop any feelings for him.

What do I do now?

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Aweee I think he likes you 🙈🥰.

He seems like a good guy. He’s a humble lad and not cynical or hateful. He’s wary and nervous about hurting you or himself. He thinks being single IS better due to past hurt but you presently in his life made him think perhaps even briefly of being more optimistic. He may just have a sexual attraction to you only, but I think you both can try dating. I would say not to propose it, but let it happen naturally. Give a few months of friendship and see if the chemistry builds cause many times when we make new acquaintances, it can be fun learning about a new person and we can get ahead of ourselves. But then a little while later we realize the stuff that we don’t like and maybe realize there’s really no compatibility or chemistry there. It was ONLY excitement.

That’s the common fault in sexual and intimate relationships.

In sexual it is usually the lust at the beginning that makes it worthwhile.

In intimate it’s the excitement (that can carry over to sexual sometimes), that makes it worthwhile.

But given some time after those natural feelings calm down and the personalities have their amplitude, then you can reason if this is a SMART choice for you (both).

Choosing to be with someone is a big choice. It’s not like a pair of shoes or a food. It’s like buying a house or a dog. It’s really serious and has some weight to it, so that just means you shouldn’t fly head first into it, or be impulsive.

Take it in stride. If it’s months- maybe a year later and you’re both still complimentary to each other, content with each others presence, and get excited in more ways than one. Then I think you have something durable and strong there. Long lasting.

He seems like a good person to take a chance on/with, but you can never rush a good thing. That just ends in spoils.

The moment may have seemed exciting but this is not a reality show. And you’re both not ON a reality show, so recalibrate. Be a friend to him not a stone in the path, and take things through or let it be and move on. Put attention on what you both usually do- getting to know each other, have fun, chill out, spend time, GO OUT. Don’t give the body time to get aroused lol. Don’t stay in hot temps or in quiet areas. Have fun. Be alive and see where the living gets you. Maybe later you’ll both be able to live together at best, or be good friends that live in each others lives in this lifetime.

So many times good things get ruined, so don’t push or force this. Just enjoy OTHER things together. Don’t focus on each other cause that’s just the recipe for sexual tension. No need for that. Anyone can get that anywhere. The stuff that lasts is always rare.

And no pressure! Have fun!

best to you ☺️💯

SueShe · Accepted Answer

You forget about that guy. As simple as that.

A friend is exactly what it is. A person that you ONLY have a platonic relationship and that you don't get sexually involved with. You cannot friendzone a friend since a friend is de facto in a friendzone.

What you want is someone you can be intimate with and that is not a friend. You don't have sex with friends because as soon as sex is involved, you lose the friendship. Those emotional ties are not compatible with each other.

What will happen in a few weeks or perhaps months when you realize that this "friendship" failed again? You will be even more bitter because not only will you have lost a real platonic friend because you let your hormones dictate your behavior but also you will have lost that person that you were intimate with because the novelty is no longer actual.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Look. Just be honest with him as long as you’re a genuine person and so is he. It’s good to get to know someone and build a level of trust and even companionship before you’re with them in a relationship. Friends to lovers can be the best type of relationships…. Because they’re not built off of just a hookup.

Sexual and romantic love are very different and one can exist without the other. It’s why some people have a romantic partner they are disgusted by doing anything sexual with, while cheating on them. Yes, that’s disgusting. Yes a lot of times both feelings coexist at the same time. It’s like empathy and sympathy you can absolutely have one without the other.

Building that level of love is what leads to good marriages later on. Sure… thingd don’t work out and fail. But you don’t know unless you try.

Lolk…. If you talk to him and he says he doesn’t want to. Respect that. Be his friend and be mature about it

Universaldance · Accepted Answer

Was reading some of the opinions below and could only agree with Brad and one of the ladies below.

Honest communication and see where the journey takes you two. All of the games and back and forth is super confusing and just leads down spirals of regret that aren’t even yours but the influence and negative projections of other guys/girls on here in their lack of dating success… which is great to learn from their viewpoint but keep some discernment. There’s always more to the story than we can write and verbally communicating through voice chat at the least is the best way

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the unpredictable journey of love and friendship! It sounds like both of you are doing a little dance around each other's feelings, caught in that tricky spot between wanting to preserve a great friendship and possibly diving into something deeper. Here's a little nudge from a relationship coach: Communication is key! Have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Share how you genuinely feel and express that while you value your friendship immensely, you're open to exploring something more, without pressure. It's all about giving him the space to express his fears and doubts, while making it clear you're both in this together, no matter the outcome. No grand gestures required, just two people having an honest and open conversation about their feelings. Remember, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey you take together. And who knows? This could be the start of a beautiful love story, but you won't know until you talk. 😉

1

DishLady · Answer

Sounds like you both made some errors... You could try again if you're both interested in each other.

blueonblack22 · Answer

He might of grown in feelings as he got to know you (sounds like vice versa is true). This is why it’s best for men and women to be friendly but not real “friends”.

Especially if they are in dating range.

236color · Answer

I don't think there's anything for you to do. You told him you're willing to give it a go, but he's still hurt from previous experiences. Sounds like the next move is up to him.

genericname85 · Answer

well if he wants to be more than friends, you most likely won't be able to keep the friendship. do you at least find the guy sexually attractive?

Juxtapose · Answer

Tell him what you told us. Show him this post.

Twalli · Answer

You have feelings for him, otherwise you wouldn't be having an issue with this. You never addressed those feelings or even acknowledged thrm, because you didn't see any future. Now you see that there could be one and you don't know if he's interested

RyanK9b · Answer

If u want him as a boyfriend and tell him that. He will instantly accept. No question, if he has no girlfriend

Staximus · Answer

Both of you are young and dumb, and acting like you can never buy a used car again because you picked a lemon the last time you did.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

You're both being stupid. If you like eachother enough to date, then do that.

Anonymous · Answer

You do NOTHING. He should have saw your nature from the start. He f***ed up! All he can do is walk away and pay attention to who the next woman is better.

nawtee_me · Answer

Aren’t friends supposed to be in the friend zone?

spartan55 · Answer

No guy wants to be your friend.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Go out drinking and suck his cock.

In_Trance · Answer

Live and learn

I accidently friend zoned a very good friend and now he says he made a mistake. What do I do?

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