Had a fallout with someone I thought was a friend was I wrong?

[Anonymous]

So today my associate got upset with me because i told her some truth. She married a guy she met through a friend who is incarcerated for basically executing a man he had an argument with thats what the news article said, so he is currently doing 25 years. My associate is clearly not the brightest bulb in the box she dropped out in middle school so she only has a 8th grade education. She is also a single mother to a 3 year old girl who’s father isn’t in her life. She lives back at home in her mother’s apartment where she sleeps on a mattress on the floor which use to be her brother’s room but he is also now incarcerated to make a long story short the murderer she decided to marry treats her poorly and told her she doesn’t know how to read or write and how he finds her unattractive at times and basically uses her for money. I finally got fed up with her shenanigans and told her she needs to focus on building herself up and get her life in order because we will be 30 in 2 years. She got extremely defensive and said that’s easy for me to say because I'm already in a healthy relationship. I told her everything is not about being co dependent on the next person and to be honest if my man left me today or tomorrow i would still be very secure by myself and i only met my person because i decided to go to college and met him there and if i hadn’t gone down that route i probably wouldn’t have met him all together. She called me a liar and said i act as if I'm better than her and she’s done with our conversation so i hung up and blocked her number. All i did was try to give her some very truthful advice.

[Oliverlogan263]

I don't think you were completely wrong to speak your truth to her, but maybe could have done it a little nicer. I get why she would be sensitive about her situation - it can't be easy living like that with a kid. At the same time, someone needs to look out for her and it's not good she's with a guy locked up for something so serious. I don't blame you for getting fed up!

Maybe she just wasn't ready to hear it yet though, you know? She's probably in deep with this dude emotionally even if he isn't treating her great. When you care about someone it's hard to see clearly sometimes. I think your heart was in the right place telling her to focus on herself and her daughter, but calling her stupid probably didn't help. She probably feels bad enough as it is.

If she's really your friend, maybe give her some time to cool off and then try talking again in a softer way. Like say you're just worried about her and her little girl, and want them both to be happy and safe. But it's her choice what to do in the end. At least you tried to open her eyes - the rest is up to her. Don't feel too bad, just keep being there for her if she comes around. That's all you can really do, you know?

[bycrazy]

It sounds like you were trying to offer your friend some honest and constructive advice, encouraging her to prioritize her own well-being and work towards personal growth. However, it seems she may have been defensive and perhaps felt criticized.

It's not uncommon for people to react strongly when confronted with uncomfortable truths or when they feel judged. In situations like this, it's essential to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, acknowledging the challenges your friend is facing and expressing concern for her well-being.

That said, you have a right to set boundaries if the conversation becomes disrespectful or unproductive. Blocking her number may provide you with some space, but it might also be worthwhile to revisit the discussion at a later time when emotions have cooled down. Communication is key in maintaining relationships, even when difficult subjects are involved.

Ultimately, whether you were "wrong" or not is subjective, and people may perceive situations differently. It's important to prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being while also being open to understanding the perspectives of others. If you value the friendship, finding a way to communicate and express your concerns more tactfully in the future might help rebuild the relationship.

[kylee2437]

Mmmmmm where I get where you are coming from, if you feel like she needs to level up her life , and she can’t take constructive criticism towards that with truths, then it seems like you need to level up with new friends. How did you end up friends with this girl if you can’t relate to her in any way possible? I kind of agree that you are acting better than her, but you somehow relate to someone you feel is a mess with their life. You aren’t telling your full truth of yourself. People that know they deserve better don’t harp on lost friendships like this

[kylee2437]

This is also why I see if people are receptive to change or if they are too comfortable to change. You can easily figure that one out by reading people.

[Asker]

I known her since middle school and always felt kind of bad for her because she had a rough upbringing i kept her at a distance since college but always been the friend willing to give a listening hear over the phone only I avoid meeting up with her in person because she refuses to change and grow and im just tired of her bs and her blaming her problems and her sad up bringing for not wanting to change i grew up in the system and was sexually abused that hasn’t stopped me from achieving my goals though.

[Blessedme]

You shouldn't block her. She got defensive but anyone in her situation would react the same. Let her cool off. Apologies to her and keep your interaction professional if she is your associate.

[Asker]

Yeah I shouldn’t have blocked her but she doesn’t fit in with who i am today and i’m tired of playing therapist to someone who refuses to grow. I can’t even bring her around the friends i have now they would most likely stop taking to me.

[Blessedme]

Then stop bring her around your friends. Keep your distance from her. You don't need to be therapist. She should worked on herself if she want to change her life. Don't hang out with her as being with her may make you depressed. Keep your interaction with her short. Be respectful of course but leave her to handle she life the way she wants. Focus on yourself.