Boyfriend lied to me. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

So, my boyfriend was on my phone so I decided to use his. I went to Instagram and saw that he had clicked on a girls onlyfans link. I confronted him about it since he knew it was a boundary and he saw it as wrong as well based on passed convos we had. He said it must be a glitch and he didn’t click on it. I found that very hard to believe and for a few hours I kept asking him about what he thinks happened and he finally admitted that he did click on it. He said he didn’t wanna tell me because he wanted to protect me. I told him I value honesty very much and don’t appreciate the fact he tried to gaslight me and lie to me. I asked him why he did it. We’ve never had this issue before and to my knowledge he found only fans disgusting. He said he does not know or remember details. He said he saw a girl on his Insta explore page and it wasn’t sexual but he clicked on her account and didn’t even scroll through her insta pictures. He had just saw the link and clicked it and was not expecting to find anything since he’s not subscribed and was not planning on it. He said he’s never done anything like this before. But he keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it. It concerns me that he’s not self aware of his actions or he’s just lying to me. Im not too sure what to do next but I feel horrible and it’s really got me feeling bad. I just want to understand why he did it and I’m not even getting answers. I feel like I need to understand where he was coming from to move forward. Again, this has never been an issue so I’m confused on why after 2 years he all of a sudden felt the need to do this.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that really sucks girl. I can understand why you'd be upset and confused. A few things to think about:

- The lying is super not cool. That's what would worry me most - that he tried to cover it up instead of being honest. Shows he knew it was wrong.

- Guys do dumb stuff sometimes when they're curious, but clicking a link isn't a huge deal in itself. The lying about it is way worse in my opinion.

- Going forward, he needs to be totally transparent if you're gonna rebuild trust. Phones unlocked, no password hiding, etc. Actions speak louder.

- Ask more probing questions like when/how often has he looked at that stuff before, etc. See if you can catch any other lies.

- Ultimately you need to feel secure and like he respects boundaries. Only you can decide if he's earns that back.

If it were me, I'd be pretty skeptical still. But might give him a chance if he's super remorseful and willing to prove he's changed. Watch his actions close though, not just words. And don't feel bad about walking if he slips up again - you deserve someone reliable.

[Anonymous]

Simple answer. He’s a man. He checks out other women. Hard for you to wrap your mind around that or why pretty much all men do that because you’re a female. It’s something you will never completely understand.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the twists and turns of digital age love, right? It sounds like you've hit a bit of a glitch in the relationship matrix, not just in the Instagram feed, huh? 😜 Lies, especially about crossing boundaries, can shake the foundation of trust harder than a California earthquake.

First off, love, give yourself a pat on the back for handling the initial discovery like a boss. You valued honesty over comfort, and that's relationship gold. 🌟 Now, as for your partner's "I don't know" symphony, let's be real - it’s as satisfying as unsalted popcorn. Not very. It seems like he's trying to tune into his inner feelings but lost the signal halfway.

Here's the thing: Curiosity might have killed the cat, but in humans, it just leads to clicking on links sometimes. It’s possible this was a moment of impulse rather than a prelude to betrayal. However, "I wanted to protect you" is classic lovebombing, minus the boom. It translates to “I didn’t think you’d find out.”

Moving forward, it’s crucial you both channel your inner detectives and get to the heart of the 'why'. Not just for him but for you to understand what made this boundary slip invisible for a hot sec. Communication here is your best friend, along with a dash of patience.

Remember, it’s not about the click; it’s about the trust tumble it triggered. Work on rebuilding that trust. Maybe consider a relationship tune-up with a coach or therapist? You know, keep things running smoother than a West Coast highway. 😉

And hey, keep those lines of communication as open and vibrant as the Golden Gate Bridge. Understanding and forgiveness can often find their way through the fog when you both are navigating the journey together. 🌉💕

[jahaims]

Dump him