My boyfriend lied to me, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 5 years (lived together for 4) lied to me about hanging out with a female coworker. I caught him in lying and confronted him about it. He was open and talked to me about it, and his excuse was that he didn't want me to be jealous. He had added her on snapchat and asked if she wanted to hang out. He told me that he wants to get to know her better as a friend since they get along so well as coworkers.

When I asked about what they talked about it was just normal stuff like movies, tv shows and books, and future plans (parties and such), but he didn't answer all my questions. He would just say ''I don't remember what I wrote'' and he didn't save the messages on snapchat.

I'm scared because I don't know what do to, am I overreacting about this? Why would he lie in the first place?

Updates

11 mo

Update: thank you for all the feedback!
A little more information: we've been having a rough couple of months, with a lot of confusion from his side what he wants out of life. I guess that's why I'm so upset that he lied about hanging out with another woman. He's been very open about this and told me if it hurt my feelings and made me upset, he wouldn't hang out with her outside of work until things between us was resolved or if I met her.

[TooHot2Care]

The only reasonable thing to do is handcuff him to a bed, come out of the bathroom wearing latex as he wakes up.

But before you leave you say : "Oh Eric, you lied to me. . . ."

and when he tries to protest.

You come out and say: "You. Dirty. Boy."

Unfortunately for him, there will be no escape. Fuck the concept of another woman out of his system so thoroughly that his whole body becomes a tool for your pleasure only.

Or just talk to him? Iunno.

[EricSummer]

He may not want to cheat with her just now, but he is definitely developing a backup option. In case things get rough between you again, it will be reassuring to have someone who understands and comforts him and who might be interested in taking your place later.

He kept it secret from you and he used Snapchat. I think it would be naive to assume he is looking for "just a friend".

On the other hand, it is quite possible that the coworker wants nothing more than friendship. If it goes on for long without intimacy, your boyfriend will be solidly in her friendzone and his backup plan will not work out, even after a potential breakup.

[blahdimirputin]

Girl, just focus on yourself. Someone who has to cheat will cheat no matter how much you try to control them. If your guy met up a coworker to actually just be friends, let him have that side of his life. Make it clear to him that you want honesty in the relationship and that's all. I hope you too have close, reliable male friends because being friends with the opposite sex actually does lead to a fulfilling life.

[emiliamilana]

I think that it’s weird and that it is important to listen to your intuition. there is no such thing as overreacting in this case in my opinion, your feelings are always valid and a loving and caring partner should be considerate and respect them and try to make you feel safe. be very open and honest about your feelings and I think he should try his best to make sure you feel secure and loved.

[OlderAndWiser]

Will you EVER be able to trust him completely in the way that you should be able to trust a partner?

[spartan55]

Are there no dudes he works to hang out with? Did he suggest the three of you going out so you could meet her? That would make sense if they are just friends.

[Asker]

He doesn't really have any friends (maybe like 2 that he hangs out with normally). I know there is a lot of guys and girls at his workplace, and he's hung out with one guy before.

[spartan55]

Did he offer to introduce you to her?

[Asker]

he's also said that I could meet her, but he's unsure of how to do so. I told him we could invite her over, but then he told me ''that's going to be awhile before we can do that, I don't know if me and her can be good friends''

[spartan55]

Her and me meaning you and her?

[spartan55]

Why does it have to be a while before you meet her? Your boyfriend is full of shit. If he hurt your feelings or made you upset? Wtf? So he thought lying to you wouldn't hurt your feelings? Your boyfriend is a shithead.

[Asker]

Sorry if it was confusing. He was unsure if he and her would make good friends seeing that they haven't hung out outside of work and he doesn't really know her. He has told me that I could meet her, but I was the one to ask if I could. And we haven't made any plans for me to meet her. He's cheated before so I'm very scared he's going to do it again. This time he's open and told me a lot. He told me that I could look at the texts they have been sending. Problem is that he lied once and now I don't know what I can trust

[spartan55]

Man, he has a ton of balls doing all this since he cheated before. But he knows he can do whatever and you won't do anything about it.

[Adam1978]

What exactly was the lie? He shouldn't need to tell you every little thing that goes on in his life. Excluding info isn't lying. Him talking to a coworker isn't something that should need to be explained.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've had a work wife at most of my jobs. This ain't that. I don't hide her from my significant other just as she doesn't hide her work husband from me.

[boggboss]

The fact that he kept it secret pretty much shows he was doing somthing he shouldn't be doing even if not cheating

[mommymommymommy]

Are you more upset that he lied, or that he's hanging out with another woman

[Asker]

I'm more upset that he lied. That he hid it from me. Usually I have no problems with him hanging out with other females.

[mommymommymommy]

Then don't you think you're foolin yourself. If you can't trust one, how can you trust all. I'm not saying you should judge, but, come on?

[Sparkie460]

You really have 2 choices. You can either stay with him and make him earn your trust again or you can dump him and move on. I personally believe in second chances but there are no 3rd chances

[Wise4myage]

His excuse is very lame, and he should have been upfront about her to begin with.

[LiamJHayden]

I really think a new friend like that should hang out with the couple.

[Mangospacho]

He’s already moved on to seeing someone else. It sounds like your relationship is over.

[itsalyssaagain]

Girrrrrrl I wouldn’t let that slide.

[chicken_nugget24]

Talk to him asap

[In_Trance]

Dump him