What do you think of trivial or white lies in a relationship?

Question

For instance you had the worst and most stress day at work, your partner asked you and you tell them your day was a bit stressful but ok overall. You don't elaborate too much details nor tell them the truth about having a miserable day at work.

Another example:

You had a boring weekend and end up at home doing nothing. You lied and end up telling them you went out walking in the park and got home tired or you've visited your distant aunt and are back home to make your day interesting.

Or telling them ''I only got eyes on your and never ever fantasized about anyone else, not even a celebrity'' when in fact you do find other people of the opposite sex attractive. Or you don't feel like sharing about the day got humiliated at school during your childhood years and instead just tell them you've been a quiet kid with few friends, don't add too much details. Or tell ask if they ask how they're in bed, tell them good and just guide them through some more new things even if they did suck.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

They lead to bigger lies. Commutation is key. It’s never good to lie even a white lie about something like that. Simply expressing it’s been a long day but I don’t want to talk about it right now. If someone keeps pressing then you may need to be more firm. Maybe talking about it helps later on but sometimes you just need to relax. Also I get that some people don’t want to be a burden on their significant other and make them feel bad. Look. That’s what people who love one another do is be there for one another. Help one another through even the WORST of days.

On the other hand if they ask if you did anything just say not really it’s been a boring day.

If someone figures out that you’re lying. They may think you did something more nefarious. Like…. If somehow he finds out you weren’t at the park. He may think you’re hiding something.

If you don’t want to answer questions. Just say you don’t want to answer. I suppose you don’t owe someone a exclamation and some people ask too much. You can just not give the answer.

HOWEVER, on the last point there is emotional cheating. Which it’s fine to acknowledge that someone else is attractive. But even the fantasy is cheating emotionally. I know a lot of people excuse it by saying they would never really do it. But given the opportunity knowing they wouldn’t be caught, at the right place; and at the right time. Absolutely most people would act on it.

Stuff like that it’s better to be honest about. He may be doing the same thing thinking about other women.

Bur what you do is start seeing other people that way. You may begin to reach a point where the fantasy isn’t enough anymore. Oh…. It’s just one time I can forget about this tomorrow and before you know it. You’re cheating because you need the next thrill.

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

It’s a little hard for me to relate to your examples because i would never lie about those things. My woman knows I occasionally look at other women and find celebrities attractive , she is the first to comment on my eye candy choices in movies.

I do however know what you’re referring to , it’s those quite innocent un-truth’s. One example recently is when I knew she was really excited to go see a show and even though I didn’t really care for it much I said I’d happily go with her. For me though that’s more a relationship sacrifice because I love her but it’s really the only example in my head that fits 🤷‍♂️

Peridot25 · Accepted Answer

1) I can understand. No one really wants to talk about their stressful day at work. It’ll make them feel more stressed and upset
2) Not bothersome but maybe confused. I mean, there’s really nothing wrong with having a lazy day and do nothing
3) Maybe not so bad. Maybe they feel embarrassed or guilty because they don’t want to seem like a bad person. I don’t know, that’s my intake on this one.

Little_Bumblebee · Accepted Answer

It shows you keep them at arms length instead of letting them in.

If they do find out, they'll wonder what else you lied about, why lie about something so small? And whether or not they can even trust you.

That's what I think of lies.
Why lie? Don't want to talk about that bad day? Just say you had a bad day, but don't want to talk about it. If at all.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the choppy waters of white lies in a relationship is like doing a tango - it's all about striking the perfect balance. On one hand, we've got protective fibs, meant to shield our loved one from a temporary storm. Think of it as love's little buffer. 😘 For instance, downplaying a horrendous workday might be your way of not dumping dark clouds onto your partner's sunny disposition. It's like saying, "Babe, let's keep tonight light and breezy," without the need for words.

But now, let's flip the coin. When it comes to jazzing up your weekend adventures or feigning exclusive eye candy for your boo, tread carefully. These embellishments can be like adding spice to a dish – a pinch here and there enhances the flavor, but overdo it and you'll be left with a taste hard to swallow. 😜

And about fantasies or finding others attractive, here's the deal: honesty is hot, the trust is a must, and communication is the key! There's wiggle room for acknowledging beauty without making your partner feel like yesterday's news.

Navigating the bedroom feedback and past humiliations requires finesse. Guiding rather than criticizing? Smooth move. Overlooking every flaw with a love-blinded gaze? Potential for a crash landing. 🤭

Remember, it's the intent that counts. Are your white lies a fleeting shield or a growing barrier? Keep that balance, and you and your partner will be tangoing on cloud nine. 💖

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Honestly is ALWAYS the best policy. Just because you think a lie is meaningless in the moment, that doesn’t mean it is meaningless. If it were truly meaningless, then WHY LIE?
The truth always comes out; no exceptions. So it’s best to always be honest. Otherwise deception doubles the damage. Now someone you’re meant to care for is hurt by the pain of the truth AND hurt by your lies. “This reality sucks, but at least you had the good moral fiber to lie to me about it!”, said no one, ever.

Quit lying to yourself about lying and familiarize yourself with honesty, especially when it’s uncomfortable.

DishLady · Answer

No lies are actually trivial. They all pile up and snowball when you least expect them to.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Lying is stupid.

if you get into a relation with someone and decide you like them so much you want to spend the rest of your life with them, why would you ever lie to that person.

Why would you lie to anyone who you want to truly understand and love you?

Every time you lie to someone, they see less and less of the real you. They have a pseudo relationship with you and who they think you are.

What’s the point of that? you're fucking yourself and you’re fucking your partner by taking the realness and substance out of the relationship.

In a way, lying can be thought as a type of spiritual theft. Which of course hurts the liar too.

HawkPerception · Answer

I believe in absolute honesty in a relationship. I don't care about the intention of the lie. I'd rather have the truth even if it hurts. If you can't trust your partner to tell you how it is, who can you trust? Your parents who won't always be in your life? Your friend? Your parnter should be the most honest person to you.

The colour white is symbolic of innocence or purity, which is why it's called a WHITE lie, but I think the people you should give white lies to are pretty much every other person but your partner. If it's your kids asking about Santa and the tooth fairy, "Yes they're real! I got the presents and money growing up too! They don't give me anything now that I'm older though."

I can't think of another scenario off the top of my head, but I'm sure there are some.

Skinhead-1979 · Answer

Individually they may be innocent... but what if they keep adding up? Little white lie after little white lie? That person is just as much a liar to me than someone who tells the big lies.

I can honestly say that I have not told any lies... small or big... in my previous relationship, nor have I hidden things from her, throughout the whole 11 years we were 'together'; during that time I was the one living with the liar, the manipulator, the deceiver and the abuser.

Every step I took I was being monitored; she was... probably still is... paranoid; a control-freak; a Narcissist... besides that, I was most of the time at her side; only when I was in employment I was away from her... but she'd still text or call me as many times as she could.

I've lied 2x to her, after the relationship had finished.

idonotlikeyou · Answer

Something must be wrong in your relationship if you feel the need to be better and nicer than you are. Similarly, something must be wrong with you if you want to be seen as better and nicer than you are.

Anonymous · Answer

1. You protect them from stress. That’s good.
2. That’s quite unnecessary

3. People should be open about their celebrity crushes because it’s natural. Hypergamy is natural, more for women, but also for men. They shouldn’t know you were bullied in school because they would start seeing you as a victim and they could start bullying you too. It’s better to encourage them to try new things in bed.

adventurous-1 · Answer

the truth always comes out, either a slip of the tongue or you forgot what you initially said and change it so now your statement is different leaving some question about it. too many lies and you can't remember all the things you said and end up with conflicting information and people suspecting that you are not being truthful with them. Better to be honest and not having to worry about forgetting what you originally said as it won't change with the truth.

avery58 · Answer

I wouldn't dump someone over a small lie, but it makes me wonder if they lied about that then what else did they lie about?

nawtee_me · Answer

Lies are lies no matter how trivial you think it is…. Even the does these jeans make my butt look big….. it is not the jeans, your butt is big….

paledreams · Answer

Hmm - age disparity - o feel like in the gag photo the guy is 30 or 35 and she's barely pushing 20

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Don't go there. Just don't go there. If you can't be depended on for small stuff, there's no reason to believe you could be depended on for the big stuff.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

the smaller lies, generally lead to bigger ones especially if you keep repeating them

LiamJHayden · Answer

The only time I really find deception okay is if I am planning a surprise and the untruth is necessary to prevent her from finding out before the time of the surprise.

Agape93 · Answer

I don't care as long as it's not important and doesn't cause me problems

noohair · Answer

Never tell your wife the truth when she ask, does my butt look too big in this? The answer is always no.

Staximus · Answer

If a person lies about trivial bullshit things that aren't that important for no reason, then they will definitely lie about important things.

Anonymous · Answer

How do YOU feel about them? And after your answer I'll tell you why I ask this.

ChooChooHaha · Answer

No. Tell me the truth. Don't fucking lie.

LiamS95 · Answer

A lie is a lie there are no good lies.

animesenpai · Answer

That dress looks good on you

Dongie · Answer

Bye.

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