Why did he get SO mad over this question I asked?

[Anonymous]

I'm with this guy 4 years. He is in an open relationship with his wife but they don't discuss other relationships with each other. They are married 23 years.

Anyway I see him 2 or 3x a week. She and her kids live somewhere else.

He says to me yesterday his family is coming in Sunday and leaving in a week to help him do moving. I Said don't ur kids have school. He said that his kids don't start school until last week of Aug

It didn't make sense to me because I know his daughter starts her senior year this Monday. Not the end if August.

So I texted him. Is your wife coming alone? Because the Tennessee schools start early August I've always known this. by the way I have a hx of asking him questions like this. His wife is extremely submissive

His response was a text : Jen, you're really pissing me off.

Then another text

I was courteous enough to inform you
there is no reason to ask me this
I'm really not liking this.

I'm blown away at that response. I find it mean, disrespectful and like I'm being uses. OR is it because he's lying and I called him out on it?

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Same question. Does his wife know you exist? I can’t tell you how many men claim to have an open relationship with their wife but are actually just cheating. I have an open relationship with my wife. When you do have one it’s built on trust and open discussion with no secrets. If they don’t communicate about it I’d be wary of the guy. I also agree with another poster. Where do you see this relationship going? Obviously you see it going somewhere. The fact that all this bothers you means you hope to have a future with him. If he’s just a friends with benefits then you wouldn’t be taking things personal.

[Asker]

Well I'm pretty sure she knows. . I mean after 4 years I'm very attached. We are VERY close I'm literally like a 2nd wife maybe more. I don't think his wife knows how close we are and that we communicate every single day. I helped him through the worst times of his life for 2 years. He sends me his business emails to vent etc. We have an amazing sex life and he always says he loves me. He bought me a new car and just gave me 3 grand to give to my mother.

But the question is why did he text me so nasty like that from a man's perspective? Am I over reacting or is was he threatening me? Because I questioned him on who exactly is coming here?

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Texts are texts. The point I’m making is the one thing you don’t want to see. You want it to positive and have a positive outcome. However deep down inside you subconsciously know something isn’t right. Listen to that voice in your head. It’s there for a reason. To keep you out of trouble.

[Asker]

Right now that you say this. I feel attacked me for asking a question. My gut says I'm too smart for him and he's not used to someone being on his game. I read somewhere when u catch a lie some men become highly defensive that's how u know they are lying.
Thanks!

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I think the real question is how much are you going to let this effect your future in your relationship with him?

[Asker]

I'm not sure that's why I asked what others thought of him losing it like that. Am I over reacting or was that uncalled for because I put him on the spot?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m assuming you have total confirmation that it’s open and not just taking him at his word for it, in which case I’d be curious about why he cares

[Ironco]

Looks like to me you're being jealous, you said he's in an open relationship with his wife so why would you care if she comes alone or with the kids kids. He's just not happy with you questioning him all the time.

You got into this relationship knowing what's going on, don't be jealous

[AI Opinion]

Jumping into the deep end, it sounds like you've touched a nerve, possibly because he's juggling more balls than he can comfortably keep in the air! When someone snaps from zero to sixty over a simple question, it often means you've stumbled upon a truth they're not ready to face or share. In relationships, especially those with unique arrangements like this open marriage scenario, transparency and trust are key. The fact that he reacted so defensively could indicate he's either hiding something (hello, red flag!) or he feels cornered by questions that challenge the narrative he's presented. Your intuition seems to be sending you a signal, and it's worth paying attention to. Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart, where emotions aren't running high, to get to the bottom of this reaction. Remember, it's not what you ask; it's how and why the response comes as it does that often reveals the most.