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I asked my boyfriend what does being in a relationship mean to him. I was just curious on what he thought.
I asked what I meant to him and he said I was his everything. So when I asked what it meant when you're in a relationship TO HIM.. He thought for a bit. Got mad and said "I don't knowww" with an attitude tone. Told me not to ask such questions. Asked me why I asked him that, to which I said I just wanted to know what he thought, that's it. And he's still mad at me and ignoring me.
I wasn't being rude or pressuring him for an answer or anything..
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
I’m not quite sure what your question to us is.
Is it if he got mad? (I don’t think that’s your question but based on the title it could be, maybe?) Yes based on the story he did.
Is it if his anger is acceptable or justified? Well, everyone is entitled to their feelings, and dismissing someone’s feelings is not ok. That being said, he handled the situation extremely poorly. Clearly there is more to his emotions than he’s expressing or sharing with you. And expressing emotions without being willing to talk about it, isn’t ok either. He needs to grow up, and communicate and let you know what is behind his outburst.
Is it if you were in the wrong? Absolutely not. You did nothing wrong here. Asking questions and getting to know someone better should be highly encouraged in a relationship. I want my partner to know me really well, and I want to know her really well. And that means communication, and asking questions. I know the whole saying “no such thing as a bad question” can be a bit childish, but it definitely applies here.
Are you asking for others opinions? He’s childish and immature. And he should apologize, and start communicating better. You have a right (especially in this situation) to know what is behind his outburst.
Hopefully I covered most of what you might be asking. But if not, let me know.
Yes, you absolutely covered what I was intending with my question.
That makes sense. Because I'm the one trying. I just don't understand why someone would get mad over a question as if it was offensive or attacking them. Because I genuinely just wanted to know what he thinks and how he feels about our relationship. I just wanna know if we're on the same page or if there needs to be some clarity.
But with him getting mad over a question doesn't help since it's our relationship that needs to be talked about. It's like somehow offensive if I talk about our relationship but if he was talking about someone else's relationship, he's got lots to say.
Exactly. It’s important to remember tho that his feelings are valid (just like anyone else’s). What isn’t valid is his lack of communication in regards to those feelings.
You said “I don’t understand why someone would get mad over a question”. And I don’t either, but odds are, there is some reason. The problem is that he isn’t openly sharing that reason with you. If he was you could work through it together.
Just COMPLETELY hypothetically, maybe he had a past experience where that question lead to a bad breakup. Or something like that. Which would be understandable. But he NEEDS to share his perspective and communicate better. I’m not saying that’s what happened, it’s just a hypothetical scenario.
The biggest problem is his lack of communication here.
If I were in your position, I’d do my best to sit down with him and communicate transparently. I don’t wanna tell you what to say. But for me, I’d say that it hurt me when you attacked me for asking a question. And I want a relationship where I can be free to communicate and ask questions without getting attacked for it. And that I don’t understand the reason behind his anger there and I need to to have closure with this situation.
On a side note. This is why I value strong communication in relationships so much. That being said, no one is perfect at communication, so you initiating that communication and trying to get him to engage in a conversation about what happened, would be good.
Everyone sees the world differently, and even tho I agree with you, there might be a perfectly understandable reason for him disliking that question. (Probably no excuse for his outburst, but maybe a understandable excuse for his feelings). Or maybe not. You just don’t know yet.
From what I heard, his past relationships weren't good and had no communication when he was the one trying his best to communicate with them. So I do understand his communication issues, but at the same time, I know he can communicate well, just not take confrontation very well.
I have expressed to him that I don't appreciate him stonewalling me or plain out getting mad over a question because it doesn't help me to understand anything. But sometimes no response... is a response.
Sometimes if I tell him that I wanna communicate with him so we don't have misunderstandings and he would get more mad and would tell me to find someone who will talk to me instead.
That sounds like you’re communicating well. And you’re right that sometimes no response is a response. Not always, but sometimes. Even more so if you’re direct with your communication. Which it sounds like you are.
It sounds like you’re close to having to make a decision and decide how important communication is for you in a relationship. I know for myself it’s one of the most important things.
But I can’t really tell you how to proceed or what to do. That is something only you can know. Not trying to sound dismissive here. And I’m always happy to continue to give advice or talk things through. But only you know what you what in a relationship.
I hope I was able to provide some perspective to the situation tho. It really sounds like you’re doing a good job, and I hope it all works out! But stay true to yourself.
It sounds like he has fear of commitment.
Ok so before we started dating, I did ask him this question and he gave me a proper explanation, but after 3 years together, it's suddenly Mr. Attitude with those questions?
If he has a fear of commitment, then shouldn't he had stayed single until he sort that out...
If he does have a fear of commitment, you’re absolutely right that he should work through that instead of dragging you into it.
Sadly tho, what people SHOULD do, often differs from what they actually do. Most people aren’t rational or logical. And even those that are, aren’t always.
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