Why did he get mad over an opinion?

[Anonymous]

So my fiance and I had a discussion about whether to tell someone straight away if they're loved one is dead at a crime scene (he's a firefighter). So he said you shouldn't because it's a way on how to do things in a professional manner. So I said why not tell them on the spot because there's several instances where people get killed and the police tell them right then and there. I get where he's coming from but it just all depends. So he brought it up to my mom and then he said that it was irritating because I didn't understand. I'm like I do but it's not a big deal it's just a different opinion. So he said "that's why you're not a professional at anything because you'll make people mad". I'm like what that's just taking things all outta proportion...

[itsJay]

Whoa okay, he definitely said that out of frustration. That last line from him was unnecessary on his part.

But I can also understand that his opinion is coming from the perspective of a professional, so I can see why he may feel challenged when his expertise is being questioned.

I have a couple friends that are paramedics in training to be firefighters. And they've told me many crazy situations involving serious injury and death. I've also had them help me write a scene in my book on how paramedic procedure should be handled during a crisis. There really is a professional order in how things are handled, and keeping involved persons as calmly collected as possible is a part of their job.

Since he's trained in handling those situations professionally (being a firefighter has some pretty intense training from what I know), I think you really should value his point of view on it. He shouldn't have gotten so frustrated and made that blunt statement to you, but his point is definitely most valid and I don't think it should be taken lightly like it's just any ordinary opinion. He's telling you how it is from his own real experience in a professional environment. And to argue against it is like devaluing his real life protocols. I'm guessing that's how he felt.

[Asker]

I'm not devaluing his opinion I just had another that challenged his. I'm a psychology major so I think of a lot of stuff. I even had a family member die and the police told them then and there. So I was just looking at a different perspective

[caring__1]

A firefighter's job is to handle the situation as quickly and efficiently as possible. The best way to do so is to prevent any outside influences from escalating or complicating the situation. He knows that stirring the pot is unlikely to calm anything down, so it makes no sense to make announcements, such as death, to anyone, especially before the scene has been stabilized. He needs to focus on what is within his control, without fueling the fire by adding to things out of his control. I understand there are female firefighters, also, but we are talking about your fiance, here. Female firefighters would face the same challenges and are taught to address things the same way.

You are a student, not a professional. It's time to learn from others, not pretend to have a professional opinion. It's fine to seek clarification, but challenging other people's perspective will only put them on the defensive and lead to further conflict. Also, recognize a bachelor's degree in psychology is the same as a general degree. It might get you an entry level job in various occupations, but you need at least a master's, along with a license, to work as a professional in the field of psychology.

[caring__1]

A firefighter's job is to protect life and property... in that order. If you go to a hospital for tests (EKG, MRI, CT scan, X-ray), the tech isn't allowed to diagnose and tell you the results. Only the doctor has the authority to do so. Let the people responsible for specific tasks take care of those specific tasks, without expecting others to jeopardize their careers by overstepping their training and qualifications.

[Asker]

@caring__1 just stated something differently, I've seen instances where people told others on the spot. It's not a big deal to me but I do understand his perspective. I didn't think he'd get mad.

[caring__1]

Let's say you work in healthcare and have seen many people die from COVID, so you feel very strongly about the importance of vaccinations, yet someone you care deeply about keeps telling you the vaccinations are more dangerous than the disease. Wouldn't you feel frustrated? Your fiance is frustrated that you can't accept his training and experience, believing your way makes more sense. It's fine to state your thoughts one time, but if you keep revisiting them, it's like believing you can wear him down, so he eventually conforms to your beliefs. People don't like being pressured to believe something that makes no sense to them. He may see this as a sign of what he'll have to face if he marries you, and he may be feeling doubts. If we're not considerate of others, yet demand their consideration, we generally won't like the results.

[Asker]

@caring__1 Nope I won't feel frustrated people told me about the vaccine in the past. I get where he's coming from and I agree, I just wouldn't get mad.

[caring__1]

If you don't want him to get mad, learn what his buttons are and don't push them.

[justEric]

Maybe he thought that you were telling him how to do his own job

[Asker]

I guess but it was such a small thing. My mom even said it wasn't that big of a deal and she understood both sides.

[justEric]

Yes, but seems to be a sensitive topic to him for some reason

[Asker]

I suppose