Boyfriend's having naked pics of ex gfs?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend was going through pics on his iPad and I saw naked pictures of his ex girlfriend. We been together 3 years and live together. Is it bad that it's really bothering me. I find it kinda disrespectful to our relationship.

[Finchie40]

The respectful thing for him to do is to delete them , so the fact that he didn’t? , is kind of a red flag in your relationship with him , as to why he held on to them , you have every right to feel the way that you do and something only you can decide on what you want to do about it? If you choose to walk away from him , that’s up to you , if you choose to stay with him and try to work it out? That’s up to you. Only you know your relationship with him better than we do.

[Lliam]

If I had pics of ex girlfriends, I would never get rid of them.

There were only film cameras when I was dating, so I only have photos of a couple of my ex girlfriends when they were young, pretty and perfect. I cherish those photos and wish I had more, not that I can go back in time or yearn to be with them. They are just past memories.

I don't see why I should be ashamed of them and I don't understand why they would make my current girlfriend (in this case, my wife of 28 years) feel jealous or insecure. After all, we both had lives before we met.

[sawno]

We agree yet again Lliam, in my case its also a matter of me having experienced that even the most perfect relationship can fail due to outside circumstances beyond our control (Long distance + lockdowns). So I'm not accepting of a partner telling me to get rid of my personal belongings. She'd come first and I wouldn't look at those pics during the relationship, she'd indeed have nothing to fear. But if she for whatever reason leaves me I don't want to regret having deleted files I know i'd want back when single.

[DishLady]

Are they current pics or just pics he never deleted from his past? (Current = pretty low and sleazy of him. Past = marginally better; it's possible he's not actively sitting around looking at them.)

[AI Opinion]

Diving straight into the deep end of relationship woes, are we? Holding onto naked pictures of exes is like keeping love letters from a bygone era—except way more personal and, let's be honest, a bit on the naughty side. It's totally understandable why your heart's feeling a bit tangled up over this. It’s not just about the pictures; it’s about what they represent. In relationship lingo, we call that a big red flag, signaling a need for a serious heart-to-heart. Communication is key here, lovebird. Tell him how it's poking at your peace of mind and see where the conversation leads. Who knows? It might just be an oversight on his part. But remember, respect and understanding are the true heroes in any love story. Keep the vibes positive and the conversation open.

[HawkPerception]

You're not in the wrong. He should not have those images of his exes on his phone both out of respect for them and you. He needs to delete them and fully move on. Any attachment he holds from them at this point is definitely disrespectful towards you. If my partner had nudes of their exes on their phone, I'd say delete them or we're done.

[sawno]

I don't find this bad, I'm surely keeping my memories of my exes including everything she sent me. That doesn't mean I look at the relationship, but what if she left me? Then I would have sacrificed the memories of a really nice time in my life for what exactly?

So yes, I can understand it from your perspective but I don't think its a reasonable ask that he deletes them. It is a reasonable ask that he doesn't look at them during the relationship.

[sawno]

That doesn't mean I look at it during the relationship*

[Kaneki05]

I wouldn't delete old photos of anything for anyone. They are there just as memories that's it. If you want to be offended by someone wanting memories to be kept as such then that's a you issue.

[Fireguy17]

It's always best just not to have any or send any nude pictures, much less keep them after a breakup, or when you start a new relationship.

[Anonymous]

I mean he should have deleted them. Maybe revenge porn? People shouldn’t send around nudes for that reason. Imagine if you broke up and… He still has yours.

[sawno]

Don't immediately assume it so dark, he may just value the memories like I do or simply never deleted them. Anything she sent me during the relationship is completely safe and heavily encrypted.

[Opinion Owner]

@sawno “value the memories” of being naked? Well. I think it’s emotionally cheating. And I know many people say “well it’s just thinking about it”

Let’s face it. Most people At the right place, right time, and they knew they would get away with it. They would act on it. Even if they wouldn’t it’s still emotional cheating

[Opinion Owner]

@sawno if you so genuinely wanna cherish the memories. Then go back to her…. You’re supposed to be with someone new.

You’re allowing these emotions to come
Up. When you see her again…

[sawno]

If I could I would, we left on good terms but life made it impossible to be together, I'm not emotionally cheating with anyone since I am single. In my own comment I specifically mentioned its only for times I am single. My new partner won't have to worry about me looking at them during the relationship but lets say she turned out to be an abusive partner and I leave, in times like that it would be nice to still have those memories around.

[Opinion Owner]

@sawno okay well being single and being in a relationship are two different things

[Opinion Owner]

@sawno I mean you were defending it

[sawno]

I am defending keeping pictures because its not guaranteed a new relationship lasts. I think a partner demanding deletion of any file is toxic and I am unwilling to delete data in a relationship. For me its a thing where if the relationship ends I don't want to be worse off than prior to the relationship, obviously sometimes that's unavoidable or there is a massive benefit to taking such risks. I don't find keeping files an unnecessary risk, we can set boundaries about me accessing them or not but she has no right to prevent my access beyond us being together.

[Opinion Owner]

@sawno well…. He shouldn’t be focused on her at all. If the relationship fails then that’s one thing. It’s weird to have the photos.

Maybe he simply didn’t get around to deleting them. But if he’s still looking that’s cause for concern

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Let it be it's just a nude pic and his past good memories.

[DrPepper12]

It's unfortunate you saw it but I think it's ok. If my wife had pix I would respect that

[Anonymous]

Nah. It's nothing personal about you. He's just collecting hot pics. I'm sure there are model pics he has as well.

[OddBeMe]

That’s pretty bad. Especially since I expect he was flaunting…

[Wise4myage]

In my opinion, that's a huge red flag.

[noohair]

This is the world we live in.

[jjj101010]

Did u ask him about them?

[scott04sa22]

Red flag

[jahaims]

You are correct