Would you forgive your partner if they abused you?

Question

I am conflicted because two voices are speaking to me. One is reason, and I feel like the smart thing to do is to break up with him and never look back. However, my emotions play a part too, i love him so much and i feel attached i am not ready to let go. We had a big argument and it was a sensitive topic for both of us and he lost it for a bit he choked me and he hurt me. He apologized after that and he seemed truly sorry in my opinion. I am scared of him a bit now my inner voice is just saying i should run and i can’t act normal around him no more i am afraid of him. But he did apologize so i’m thinking if i should forgive him. Any similar experiences?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Sadly your relationship sounds like my ex and I. My ex was very mentally abusive to me , always blaming me for everything , never pointed fingers at herself first , I was always the bad guy if anything bad happened , everything was my fault , to the point I felt like I didn’t have a partner , I had a mental basket case that was constantly negative about everything. I never hit her , even though there were times I wanted to , but I have pushed her away from me when she would get up in my face calling me names and saying vicious things to me , I would defend myself and call her a crazy bitch and walk away. We would eventually apologize to each other and try to work things out , but sadly it was a waste of time , it just put a band aid on things. Even though I loved her and had a long history with her , the best thing I did was finally walk away from her and realized her and I were no longer capable of being together , I realized it was more misery over happiness with her , she could never admit she was wrong , everything was always my fault. We butt heads way to many times to the point my love for her faded away , She is sadly a negative selfish person that only really cares about herself and sadly she needs mental help big time Separating from her was the best move I made. Life is too short to stay with someone that brings misery and violence into your life. Sadly it isn’t love , it’s abuse

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I hope when I read these questions I hope that I do not see one answer that says yes..

There's nobody on this planet that deserves to be abused physically mentally in any manner whatsoever and if you go through that abuse get out run just get out of it now

I would never ever go back with a person that abused me... In my marriage I was not happy and I got out of it and the day that I walked out the door was the day that the abuse started and she did not stop until she found another guy to be with.

My son asked me how come I put up with it.
And I said believe me I didn't want to but you were just a little kid and I had to not only be your father and be in your life but I wanted to show you who and how to be when things aren't going your way and you're being abused and forced I could either fight back and just be a complete jerk and that's what she wanted me to do or I could just do what I did to teach him the way to handle things

No when I was a kid my dad used to beat me with a belt I mean beat me black and blue and I don't care who you are somebody touches you you better learn how to protect yourself and kick their ass but if you walk away when you walk away you never come back you never ever go back you're not in this world for that those people are sick motherfuckers and they need their ass kicked for abusing you

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Let me ask you a very important question: is being choked out by your partner because he was upset, what love means to you? Is it?

You are currently living in fear for a reason. Your life has been threatened. No love story ever started with, and then like, he totally choked me to where I couldn't breathe, and then we got married. I know its quote, "so easy from the outside looking in," but you at least have oxygen left in your brain right now to even ask this question which is a good indication that you know that this isn't right, you don't deserve this, and there is a very real reason to worry about it happening again.

I have known three women in my life who were with abusers. It always starts the same exact way. They become violent and then they become sweet and apologize and swear they will never do it again, and the cycle rolls on. They are lucky to escape with their lives, you may not be if you don't decide now that YOUR LIFE is way more important to risk it on a "maybe."

Account · Accepted Answer

Do you have children with him? Are you financially secure?

He won't stop. He apologizes for now, but it will get worse and you will keep justifying it in your head and you will keep forgiving him over and over again because you love him and because you recall the times that he wasn't abusive to you. That is how abusive relationships work and that is one of the reasons why victims do not leave.
Please find the strength to leave. Do you have people who can help you out?
Now it was him chocking you. Tomorrow it will be him punching you, or stabbing you, or pushing you from the stairs with force or even killing you.

That doesn't happen once. It doesn't stop. He might think he can stop but he can't. From the first moment you see those signs you need to leave.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the stormy seas of love can be equally thrilling and terrifying, and it sounds like you're caught in a hurricane of emotions. The thing is, while the heart has its reasons, which reason knows not (credit to Pascal for the poetic insight), safety should always be your top mast. Lovebombing with apologies after causing harm is a classic red flag waving fiercely in the wind. It's great that he apologized, but it’s like putting a tiny Band-Aid on a big wound. Being scared of someone you love is a sign that the ship might be sinking, and it's crucial to put on your life jacket. Remember, it's impossible to steer a ship to safe shores if you're not feeling safe yourself. I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust or a professional to help navigate these choppy waters. It's tough, I know, but your wellbeing is the treasure map to follow. 🏴‍☠️💕

Summeroflove · Answer

Forgive yes eventually. It’s always good to forgive people. But that doesn’t mean I would ever go back in a million years. I can forgive someone. Move on….. Find someone better.

It doesn’t do me any good to hate them. Most of the time they don’t even care you’re angry. Abusers many times lack the ability to care unless something’s in it for them. They may care that they lost you and aren’t able to abuse you anymore. But they don’t care how they made you feel. Some people like provoking someone to anger and hate. Just to make them more miserable.

DishLady · Answer

I did when I was married, which was a mistake on my part. Never again.

The_Confusion · Answer

Hypothetically speaking, I hear your proposition like a less thrilling variant of "what if cats walked on water?" A familiar conundrum cruising through the entertainment worthy indulgence of our curious instincts.

Oh lord, would you forgive your partner, the celestial bully of your pooch-filled life? Probably, you'd worry more about whether they won't hump your paw-saturated dance floor than they do about sexual boundaries, but the truth is... nonsensically sweet thoughts possess weight beyond any koalas.

Alright, confessing again to a habit of ponderous bliss with other parasites, let's dive into different animal species and wonder: Would an overly prim and proper peregrine falcons forgive a gorgeous naked blowfish, armed with tentacles of sensation and stealthful veiled defenses, after trying to hoist his husk-up and coax him out of a fragile snuggle nest high above the waves?

Would your cute, squeaky nymphant ignore you over babysitting your adorable mother walruses while she sneaky baits you to cherished encounters with sweaty, gooey penguin boys playing rough in the bitterly icy ballet of sea life, simply because you love hanging out with your nipples peeking out like blushing grins from fearsome Stellaris vampire skates?

Or perhaps, your too-heavy breasts will drop me @on_my_knees and then I'll suffocate?

VIVANT · Answer

I’m really sorry I couldn’t read past “he choked me.”

please lever and don’t look back. I normally don’t like simplistic responses to very complex life situations but laying hands on someone immediately disposes of any complication. Makes it simple. He’s a threat to your well being.

Your feelings can be genuine he may feel strongly but none of this matters once violence rears its ugly head, in my opinion

forgive him if you feel the need to do so but from far far away. Please leave him.

I wish you the best.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Honestly, I think choking in an argument is worse than slapping.

A slap could be a momentary lapse in judgement. Choking is something much deeper.

I would leave. Don't make a big deal out of it and involve other people that he knows about. Tell a sibling or close friend who has no contact with him and LEAVE.

Or if you really want to try your luck with this guy, find some kind of support group to send him t. Which you'd have to pick him up and drop him off to it.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I wouldn’t use such flowery language, but I basically agree with the AI. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with somebody who choked me even if they were sorry. Not unless they went through lots of therapy (at their expense, not mine) and we both went to counseling.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I can deal with emotional abuse since I put up with that my whole life but I could never do physical abuse. That is just unacceptable. Men are naturally stronger so as soon as a guy gets physical with me it would be over. Since if they can do it once it is highly likely they will do it again.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I mean, can you forgive your partner? Yes. But does that mean you should stay with them? No. Your partner will keep abusing you even after they apologize for doing what they did. Staying will just allow the cycle to go on and it won't end. It's best to leave him, for your own sake and well-being. But I know leaving an abusive relationship isn't going to be easy, as it depends on how much of a chain he has on you. But if there's a way for you to leave, do it ASAP.

exitseven · Answer

I dated somebody for a few months that did abuse me. She mostly said the meanest things to me but she also would hit me and once she bit me so hard I still have the scar. I would never hit her back.

She was abused as a kid by her parents and her brother did weird stuff to her too. She would go off on me and then the next day tell me that she loved me. I really could not stay mad at her.

Bambii_2024 · Answer

Personally yeah. There's always something underlying with abuse. Weather that be, you fucked up too many times and deserve to be beat. Maybe if you did as you're told and behaved then u wouldn't get abused? You argued with him and deliberately pushed his buttons. You should have knew what was coming. Dont argue and don't disrespect people and u wouldn't get choked.

rienna888 · Answer

Sometimes we love someone so much we don’t recognize it as abuse but if you tell somebody about your relationship, they will instantly label it as abuse. For me, it depends on the abuse. If they’re physically hurting me then I will leave them. If they slap me lightly on the face or oh my bum, I don’t consider it abuse.

Staximus · Answer

By not leaving him you're basically saying that you will tolerate more abuse. What kind of bastard chokes a girl? That's the guy you want? He already choked you, are you going to just keep letting yourself get abused until he strangles you and they find your body in a ditch? Don't be a fucking idiot. Get away from this piece of shit guy already.

FarmBoy13 · Answer

Forgiving is one thing. Staying with him is a whole different question…….. so if you think he is truly sorry then it’s ok to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t consequences for his actions.

My advice is to break up with him

avery58 · Answer

I think I would be too scared to get back together with him, I couldn't trust him anymore and I'd see that he doesn't really care for me if he can hurt me like that

Makeushiver · Answer

Maybe but not until I was as far away physically & emotionally as I could get. Abusers never ever get better. They may be able to suppress it for a while but the fundamental lack of respect that is the abusers mindset only gets worse

strateguy632 · Answer

Obviously yes kuz abuse these days means rude words. No biggie.

LaurenM1997 · Answer

You shouldn’t forgive him for abusing you cause then he think he can do it again which isn’t ok at all

alice55 · Answer

Do what you want but shocking is not considered as abuse but as a literal murder attempt...

Yannae · Answer

I break up instantly. You don't abuse someone you love. If they can do that to someone they claim they love, you should run.

OddBeMe · Answer

Uhhh run girl. There are places you can go. Women’s shelters etc. if needed.   But that’s a giant red flag. And he won’t change. I would even file a police report so he’s on their radar.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Forgive, yes. Subject myself to a possible repeat, no. Forgive and then move on and find someone who treats you properly.

MysticDevice · Answer

No. I'd head for the door, say nothing, and never look back.

jasco · Answer

I would forgive them but I would leave them. I can't be in a relationship who can't control her self

Sharkstealth · Answer

There are women that don't abuse men? Not physically mentally.

Anonymous · Answer

Call the police and get him arrested!!! That’s attempted murder!!! I’m not even kidding. He’s going to kill you or someone else next. He doesn’t feel sorry. Trust me

RossyBoi · Answer

No I wouldn't. If I had a partner who abused me I would dump them immediately. No question.

Anonymous · Answer

Run!!! Get the fuck out if that toxic relationship/environment just run before the abuse gets worse because it will whether you believe it or not it will get worse

Anonymous · Answer

I think a lot would hinge on whether I legitimately believed she was sorry.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah and it ended up getting me played she beat on me called me all sorts of bad names and people took her side and defended her abuse

Fireguy17 · Answer

No, I wouldn't. Once and done.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

You mean he tried to kill you?

Sabretooth · Answer

get. the. fuck. out!

MatureMan40 · Answer

It is up to the situation.

CoolBoyOsama · Answer

I would abuse them back, yes king.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

If she accepts her mistake

thegreenyogi · Answer

Never.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope

jahaims · Answer

No, I'm not a moron

Would you forgive your partner if they abused you?

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