Is it normal to not feel much remorse for cheating back on husband?

[Anonymous]

Some days I regret trying to work things out with him. I would find myself thinking ''well life isn't fair is it, he gets to have all the fun through betrayal, meanwhile I only have one life, one man in my life (I was a virgin when we met) and for this in return, is it worth being loyal to him, nope''?

His affair took place about 6 years ago and it was really the other woman (whom was single) that contacted me over the phone and confessed to it all. So basically he could've carried this one for god knows how much longer if she had never called. He obviously goes into the pleading mode and I (initially) stupidly think we can reconcile. Though I would rub it in his face every single time we had unrelated argument and this would silence him. We only have a son, whom doesn't know any of this but seems like our arguments are affecting him. He's 7.

Fast-forward to late 2022: My desire to have my own affair, curiosity of what's it like being with another man, about what's it like cheating grew incessantly. I think I started hating him by then. It didn't take long to find someone interested in me. It's obvious I know it's wrong but strangely really didn't feel much guilt when it happened; in fact I was smiling. He knows the story. I really don't feel much remorse over it. Is this normal? I'm really NOT SORRY.

[Finchie40]

Your feelings are normal but you shouldn’t still be with your husband , you should divorce him and move on with your life , You clearly don’t love him anymore and by you cheating on him should of been your answer that you no longer love him anymore , You both are best to go your separate ways and start a new chapter in your lives. I went through the same thing with my wife and the best thing we did was separate and go our own ways.

[Asker]

yeah I pretty much have contempt towards him. The more I think about my revenge affair (honestly I even caught feelings for the other man), the more I hate him, hate what he did to me, to our vows, our son.

[Finchie40]

Yea your husband chose to destroy the foundation you and him agreed upon , cheating is a selfish act period , you thought you could forgive him for his actions , but sadly you couldn’t forget , and that’s something that stays with us for he rest of our lives. The only reason you cheated was because the trust you once had with your husband is now gone , when my wife decided to have a secret affair with her coworker behind my back , the trust and love I had for her started to fade away , I didn’t even know who she was anymore at that point because she chose to destroy our family by being selfish POS whore , She claims she never had sex with him but the text messages I saw from him to her clearly showed she was talking out her ass. I kicked her out of the house and told her I will see her in court , we never made it to court because she has been begging for me back since , I told her No , what you did to me destroyed my trust for you , it’s going to take time for me to forgive you but I don’t know if I will ever forget. During our separation , I started to date other girls’ and I met a great girl that treated me like Gold , the sex was absolutely amazing between us and I was falling for this girl big time u til her husband knocked on my door. I didn’t know she was married. So that was the end of that , Shortly after that , my oldest brother passed away and then 3 months after that my Mom passed away , My wife stood by my side through all of it , since I wasn’t straight in the head , I decided to give her another chance , worst mistake I ever made lol. Things were going good for a little while between us until I got laid off from my job , my wife’s whole personality flipped on me again and started treating me like shit , stopped wanting to be intimate and affectionate with me and started blaming me for everything , I realized she is a user and only wanted me back because she knew I was a hard worker. Her true colors shined the second I lost my job.

[Finchie40]

So I ended it with her again and been focusing on myself , I realized life is too short to stay with someone that is just using you. She didn’t love me , she just liked the convenience of me , She prioritizes everyone else but me , and that’s when I threw in the towel again, there will not be a 3rd time , I been now open to start dating other girls’ and she is no longer a priority to me. I told her by me screwing that other girl was the best thing I did because it made me realize there are better people in this world that actually have hearts , even though that girl was laying about being married , she still treated me like Gold and was attracted to me not my wallet , I did tell the other girl to leave her husband for me but she ended up staying with him , and why he took her back is beyond me. So I know my girl is out there , just playing my cards right this time around

[Finchie40]

So my advice to you is to leave your husband and start a new chapter in your life because the fact that you cheated on him , was your answer that you don’t truly love your husband , it doesn’t make you a bad person , you just thought staying with your husband was the right thing to do and you realized it wasn’t , that’s why you ended up in bed with that other guy. Why people should never take a cheater back into their lives , once the foundation is broken , it’s broken , there is no taking it back. Unfortunately for you and I , we found out the hard way by wasting our time on someone we should have kicked out the door the second they cheated on us. Love only grows when 2 people stay by each others’ side and make each other their top priority over everyone else in this world , if you don’t have that with your partner? It’s a waste of time. Find yourself someone that chooses you the same way you choose them , that removes selfishness for you the same way you do for them. That’s where love starts to grow

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Yes, it is completely plausible you feel this way, in the context you described, it's common to feel satisfaction in the eye for an eye doctrine, socio-historically speaking this principe has been applied a hell of a lot, for so many cultures and individuals. At some point in time, it changed, because philosophy of justice evolves constantly. But enough history lol

Back to pure psychology, I think you tried to reconcile, but for some reason it hasn't happened, it is actually very hard to apply forgiveness, and very easy to falsely think that you can reach forgiveness internally, especially in the context of cheating. Since cheating touches a very fragile point in anyone's psychology. It shatters our internal ideals about forever and unbreakable love. It hurts like hell. It hurts even more people having parents that didn't provide sufficient caring and love

[Asker]

That's pretty much it. I can't even stand his kisses nor hugs. In my mind, all I see if them spending time together and him destroying all marriage as well as the time he would lie to my face about his whereabouts, the times he would act very affectionate, making me believe everything was great.
Never once in my life would I think I would find myself in the position of cheating. He really destroyed myself as a wife, as a woman and as a person overall. It's like my inner core got killed. All this waiting for nothing, having self-control for the one man I loved, all for nothing. Wasting my time on just one man and thinking our love was sacred but it's not. Sex is nothing more than pleasure afterall. Now I just can't stop cheating and finding myself enjoying every moment of it, just like he must've enjoyed it at that moment he tossed his wedding ring aside and forgot about me, our vows and our son at that moment.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I understand the extent of your hate and resentment, given all that you invested into this relation, spiritually speaking. Now lets consider this, what if your core foundations, your identity was still very well standing?

What if the thing being shattered here was merely an idea?
In this idea, love was unbreakable, sacred. This idea is gone now, yes.
But this idea is not you.

You are more than vows and marriage, you are YOU, still a woman, still a mother, still all you have lived and accomplished from childhood to now. What do you say?

[Asker]

The more I think about it, the more I wish to be away from him. Our son will be crushed to see his parents separating but I'm miserable by his side. I have accomplished all in life except a true love in a marriage.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Speaking from my experience and turmoils, I stopped a long time marriage to avoid raising a child in untold resentment, because it's a terrible poison for everyone involved, you, him, the kid. The illusion, maintaining the appearances of a marriage may not worth psychological AND spiritual exhaustion coming with an unwanted marriage. Your kid may not know what's happening for his parents, but he probably feels it, this feeling that something is wrong but no one says anything about it.

I don't know what your culture is and what your beliefs are, but no culture and no beliefs should force you to live in hate

[hanabunny]

I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't feel bad since he hurt you, but I don't really get the point of cheating back in the first place when you can end the marriage

[Asker]

That's how I've been feeling the whole time since his affair. Sure I can end the marriage. I just felt bad for our son and my values used to be strong. I used to believe that a marriage should be long-lasting. It feels awesome to have to go through the whole process of being engaged, getting married, uniting both of our families, only to end it all.

[hanabunny]

@yujineutral bro what? 😂😂

[elizamichale1]

Well there's a reason there r things like cheating back n revenge sex etc... i think its not abnormal to feel this way honey...

[Asker]

yeah it felt good

[elizamichale1]

I can titally understand as i have been there myself

[elizamichale1]

Totally*

[elizamichale1]

@yujineutral well all black dicks r as big as it is shown in porn is just a lie n myth... i can tell u from experience tht not all black dicks r BBC... yes they r bigger than average cock but they r definitely not as big as it is assumed

[elizamichale1]

Thanks for the mho honey

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the tangled web of emotions and actions you've described, it's essential to recognize that feelings are complicated beasts, especially when it comes to love and betrayal. The absence of remorse doesn't necessarily make you an anomaly; it highlights the depth of hurt and emotional disconnection you've experienced in your relationship. After enduring a betrayal, your actions and lack of guilt could be a manifestation of unresolved pain and a way to reclaim some control or self-worth that was lost. However, it's a slippery slope, love. Engaging in revenge cheating can momentarily feel empowering or justified but often leads to a cycle of hurt, further damaging the foundation of trust and respect in your relationship. For the sake of your son and your own emotional wellness, exploring these feelings with a professional might provide clarity and a path forward. Love and betrayal, a complex dance indeed. Remember, finding peace and happiness is paramount, and sometimes that journey requires us to face our deepest hurts head-on.

[OfMiceandMen]

I think you and your husband are beyond fixing/staying together at this point. I completely understand where you are coming from, that what's good for the goose is good for the gander, but your whole marriage is comprised of infidelities and untruths.

It's not even a marriage at this point because you both likely despise each other to the point where you've both have fooled around on each other without a care in the world. You're both just staying together for you son at this point, which isn't healthy as he's seeing how you both feel about each other via the arguing.

[Asker]

My feelings towards him differently changed drastically ever since finding out his affair. My world felt shattered at that very moment. By then I was just staying for our son's sake. I always wanted the old-fashioned love where a kid is raised by his two parents, both being in his life every day. It's unfortunately things headed down the toilet.
I pretty much despise him at this moment and admit to being verbally antagonistic towards him, rubbing the affair in his face every time I get a chance. For instance even when it's something so mundane such was him pouring milk over his cereal for breakfast, I said in a sarcastic tone along the lines ''That must've been how you served her breakfast too, isn't it''. You're right. I don't even know if whether to even call this a marriage anymore. Every time I have to return home to see him, it feels like seeing a roommate you feel contempt for.

[OfMiceandMen]

Well if you do pack it in with him, talk to him and bury the hatchet so there are no hard feelings for your son's sake. The fact you two would be apart should be relief enough. But in the end you both share your son so leave on a good note, that way your son will grow up knowing you two still get along okay and would never want anything bad to happen to each other. It doesn't have to be perfect but it can be amicable.

[Hanrej]

I wouldn't know. Never had a husband and never been one for revenge cheating. Either you break up or forgive and move on.

Don't know why you kept the relationship going when you obviously couldn't drop it but glad you had your experience and maybe closure? More likely you've discovered a new side to you that you'll carry into your next relationship.

[Asker]

Now I can't stop cheating. I really though there would be some guilt after having my current affair but nope, there is little to none. In my mind, he deserved it.

[DannyUk2017]

The "line" has been crossed, the Point of No Return has been Reached, so i guess from now on... Just Set Both of You Free, and Move on! Unless you want to stay with him (your husband) only for "security"...🤔🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

At this point, I don't care too much if my husband finds out or not. I was staying for our son's sake. I wanted him to grow up with two parents involved in his life every day. Now I seriously regret ever trying to work things out. Even when working things out, I felt myself slowly checking out.

[DannyUk2017]

I'm in the "same situation" like you, the only difference is that, she "goes to her boyfriend" while i just mind my own life because we having 2 kids.. so yeah...

[Zwioa]

yuck. When a girl cheats that’s disgusting. Men can cheat and still love a girl it’s just pussy. But when a girl cheats she’s a whore. Women owe their men loyalty not the other way around. Men show love and loyalty in a different way which is sharing his resources and spending time and looking after the girl. That’s how men express love but women express love through their sexual exclusivity.

[Asker]

What makes you think I didn't find his cheating disgusting? I would rub it in his face (his affair) on every single argument. If he wasn't going to be loyal then he shouldn't have exchanged marital vows. The vows applies the same to both.

[Asker]

I was already starting to check out ever since he cheated.

[missindiana93]

I rather give my husband a happy wonderful expensive draining miserable divorce. I don't condone cheating.

[Asker]

I guess I always wanted a lasting marriage. I was thinking about our son and wanting him to grow up with two parents, to set up a good example. It just sucks that I wasted my time for nothing, all (except our son) for nothing.

[dazzafromoz]

It's not normal for this to impact your son.

It's not normal to act like you forgive someone then hold it against them every chance.

In fact you are worse than him.

[Asker]

That's because I never forgave him, never. During arguments I blurted out many times ''I'll never forgive you, your kisses disgust me, you no good for nothing (more insults), etc.

[Asker]

Even he was doing simple things such as pouring milk on his cereal for breakfast, I would say along the lines of ''Yeah I'm guessing you must've served her like that too right'' sarcastically. I would definitely rub it in his face every single time I had a chance too. I stopped the marriage counseling session very shortly (once I walked out in the middle of the session and left him alone with the therapist) because I found it worthless.

[dazzafromoz]

So why didn't you separate and divorce earlier then?

[Yannae]

I think it's normal if revenge is what you're out for. The better punishment would be to just leave.

[Asker]

I think about leaving many times

[Yannae]

Wouldn't be good enough if I was in your shoes.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's normal, but certainly not a healthy situation.

[Asker]

yeah and yet he destroyed everything. I'll never go back to the once innocent, reserved girl of high morals I was. Now it's like I can't stop cheating and this might sound harsh but honestly, I doubt I'll even be remorseful if caught.

[ProbablyClueless]

Do you think that would change if you were with a different man?

[Asker]

I believe so.

[DrewJohnson]

I'm sure the revenge sex felt good. I don't see why you'd feel remorseful. Keep enjoying as long as you want to.

[Asker]

Hell yes it felt great. I would be lying if I were to say ''it meant nothing''. That's the lame line my husband tried saying when pleading. If it meant nothing then there would be no point for an ongoing affair.

[DrewJohnson]

Solid point.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Hmm so what's next are you cheating with same person or it's different person everytime?

[Asker]

same person

[Aakash_Hangargi]

What's the end of this?

[Asker]

Haven't thought about it.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

How did you know it's true that your husband had affair?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Got it he already confessed as well

[Staximus]

You could have just left him instead of doubling down on the drama

[Asker]

I was just staying for our son's sake. I wanted him to at least have the first years of his life growing up with both parents. But yeah, now I regret ever trying to reconcile. I stopped marriage counseling sessions after for the longest. They're pathetic. In the end, they'll end up telling you to basically get over it, lol.
I just feel terrible for our son. I never really wanted to be one of those women that breaks up a family. Some days I just feel like confessing to my revenge affair so I can rub it in his face. I have contempt towards him.

[jahaims]

You are both too immature for a healthy relationship

[Asker]

I was different before his affair. He changed me forever.

[Ladsin2]

Sounds vindictive. You're going to leave him anyway, so why not just do that?

[Asker]

I was staying for our son's sake. I wanted him to at least grow up with both parents during the first years of his life.

[Ladsin2]

You were... but now you're not?

[JesseP1nk]

So now how are you better than him? You two deserves each other... just feel bad for the kid

[Asker]

He destroyed me, changed me into someone different from my former self.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend have the same issue!!
She hate his hug now
She tells me everything tbh
Like that she can't stop cheating and can't be with him
But worry about her son

[Asker]

yeah I hate my husband's hugs and kisses by now. I would even create arguments over mundanes things too. For instance if he was pouring milk and cereal, I would sarcastically say ''for the looks, that must be how you used to serve her right''.

[Opinion Owner]

Omg
Thats exactly what she do
And dont let him do sex with her

[Opinion Owner]

I think when we feal horny u go to other men too!!

[Asker]

I wasn't feeling that until he cheated. He pretty much changed everything. He changed the whole dynamics. He opened Pandora's box ever since he betrayed me.
To be honest, I'm now wishing he finds out so I can rub it in his face that he started it and therefore deserves it. I imagine, I would be saying meaner things during the argument if he finds out.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhh i need to talk with you do u mind?

[Opinion Owner]

You started to Take revenge

[Asker]

yeah it started for revenge but now it's like I can't stop

[BetaBucks]

You wouldn't have felt remorse either way

[Asker]

It was a stable household prior to his affair. Are you implying it was ok for him to cheat and not expect retalitation in return?

[BetaBucks]

Lmfao what? I hope you're trolling and not actually like this

[DextroShade]

You are so broken and worthless it's comical.

[Asker]

What about him? He really destroyed me completely. I was innocent, young girl madly in love once. I find it hypocritical that you're focusing on just me being worthless and not him. He started it.

[DextroShade]

Men cheating is not the same as women cheating: a man can love his girl and still fuck another on the side, a woman cannot love her man and fuck other dudes.

[Asker]

Well I didn't sign up to get cheated on in my marriage. We exchanged vows and he destroyed it. Unfortunately there was more than just sex in his affair. He fell in love with the other woman too. Cheating is cheating. If he wouldn't have cheated, then I wouldn't be in this position.
What makes you think I would still love him even when he cheated? I actually started hating him and was slowly checking out. Yes it took his affair for me to stop loving him.

[Asker]

I expected loyalty too. That's what marriage vows are about. If he's not going to do it then don't get married.

[dudegreat91]

Yeah it is normal. You have needs also

[Asker]

Pretty much. Now I'm just as selfish as he was. Within my affair, I discovered other things I liked. By cheating on me, he opened Pandora's box and changed me forever.

[dudegreat91]

He had it coming. Some guys take advantage of nurturing instincts of a woman, and think they will sacrifice everything for them. What things have you found that you like after your affair?

[ronaldo_69]

Yes it is