Who tries to go back to an ex more/stays stuck on them more? Men or women?

[ManOnFire]

This question is motivated by a small discussion I was having on another site. It has always seemed to be women to me who can't let an old partner go, even though they might talk a lot of big talk about "being done" and moving on, they will still watch an ex on social media or even ask their friends and family about him. It seems like in the beginning they will let go completely and it might even hurt the guy, but later on they're still thinking about him or watching him on social media, even years later when he's in a totally new relationship or absolutely married. And of course, you have a lot of women who can't seem to move on from guys who don't respect or treat them well, and they'll try to hold on to him even when he keeps pushing her away.

I too recently had a family member tell me that one of my exes was asking about me - after all this time! And she was the one who ended things. I have zero interest in reconnecting with her whatsoever, as I have also grown a lot more as a person and a man since that relationship. So I find no value in re-uniting with her.

I am not saying that men never run back to an ex or can't let them go, they do exist. I'm just saying it seems like a bigger thing with women. What do you guys think?

Men

Women

[blueonblack22]

When all else is equal (looks, money, personality, etc) women have a distinct advantage over men in the early stages of dating. They usually have to stick their necks out and take risks like men do. They have more options.

There is also research that break ups harm men more long term then women. They have a harder time processing their emotions then women after a break up. They don’t want to look like “puss*es for crying”. They don’t want to look weak. And despite all the so called “modern” approach to telling men it’s okay to show their emotions and cry I truly believe that deep down most people still judge them much more harshly then women.

In fact women (quietly) judge heartbroken men more harshly then other men. Deep down they view heartbroken men as more relatable to another woman hence less masculine. They might not even consciously believe that but subconsciously they really do feel that way.

Anyway I voted “women” by accident but men generally are more likely to want to go back to an ex especially if they were dumped (try to change her mind).

But I also believe if the man does the dumping he’s usually much more dead set on moving on. Reason being men don’t dump purely on emotions. They dump after using logical thinking that they don’t see a bright future with the woman. They don’t usually do it the heat of the moment.

But then again women do most of the dumping and divorces.

[ManOnFire]

I do agree that breakups hurt men more than women, because women tend to be more in love with the IDEA of a relationship or their own goals in it, than actually loving the guy for who he is. When men find a woman that they really are serious about, that relationship means a hell of a lot to him and when it ends it hurts pretty bad.

However I do think that in the long run the reverse happens where over time the guy heals from that and moves on completely, and it's the woman who will still be thinking about him or even try to come back or see what he's up to later on down the road. It has happened to me a couple of times, and I was the one who no longer had any interest. I hear a lot of other guys recount similar experiences as well.

[blueonblack22]

About women being in love “with the image” of what they think the guy is. I’ve had that bs happen to me countless times. Jordan Peterson put it best:

“Men fall in love with what they see: that’s why women wear makeup. Women fall in love with what they hear: that’s why men lie.”

Anyway it depends on the man and situation. I have zero hang ups about any of my exes EXCEPT one. Reason being she spent a entire year convincing me she was different but at the very end she proved she wasn’t. She was in love “the idea” who she thought I was despite trying to convince me otherwise for a very long time.

[MisterWack]

Individuality.

I see women everyday stalking their exes on social media / begging to remain friends (of chance they reconsider). Unable to move on.

I see men everyday going to the bar where their ex is hoping to bump into them to ask how they’ve been just to see if they are doing okay without them / what they’ve been up to…. Unable to move on.

My advice: Heartbreak is bad though to stay in a relationship that doesn’t benefit both of you / makes you both fulfilled is agony. Let them be them, you be you. Take time away and get your mind off the breakup with people who care about you more than them. Just build your confidence up is all, stand tall, and you’ll find another lover who treats you better because you deserve ‘the best’.

[silvermoon84]

In my experience, definitely men because I’ve been dumped for the ex more than once. The last one had a really toxic ex who would dump him and then come back when she heard he was with a new woman and EVERY TIME, he always left the new girl to go back to the ex. The last one he did it to was me (yep my stupid fault for getting involved with him knowing this) and he ended up leaving me for her, he married her two years later from what I’ve heard.

[ManOnFire]

Well, look. He kept going back to his ex but she too kept taking him back. And now they're married.

[silvermoon84]

Yeah I know. Two very toxic people in that same marriage so at least they took themselves off the market lol

[DishLady]

I've always said that an ex is an ex for a reason... I don't regret parting ways with anyone. However, I have noticed that certain types of folks tend to try to reconnect with exes because they're plagued with regrets... it's not a gender-specific issue, though, from what I've observed.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I think it's mostly either guys who are not getting what they're looking for in the bedroom. Could be frequency, something she's doing wrong or maybe something she's not into etc.

Then there's guys who just miss the feeling of flirting with woman and the fulfillment of going through the steps to finally get them naked thus having conquered a challenge.

Of course there's other reasons men cheat but I think those are the categories a vast majorityfl falls into.

[Vegasrunner]

It's men. Women have a built in safety net when they break up that includes close friends and social media strangers. A man is going to have to go through it alone. Also if a man put everything into one woman and they break up its going to take him so much longer to met the next person than it is a woman.

[ManOnFire]

It seems like even when women have that safety net, they still will think about their ex. I have female friends who went through breakups and has around to give them the 'there there' and yet they still couldn't seem to get over the guy.

[Vegasrunner]

@ManOnFire That's kind of my point. Men don't typically verbalize this information so you're never going to know how many mean can't get over their ex's. Secondly since women break up w/ men exponentially more, it's much more likely that they can actually get back w/ an ex vs a guy that was dumped and isn't able to get her back. Finally, it is very likely that these females thar you associate w/ are chasing HV men, I say this because you hold the views of a man that has had success with women which tells me the women you keep as friends are probably going for top tier guys, meaning their breakups don't represent the norm.

[ManOnFire]

Some are chasing HV men, yeah. While still sleeping with low quality guys.

[Vegasrunner]

@ManOnFire What metric are you using to define their value?

[ManOnFire]

So they are usually low value women themselves. Always wanting men who are higher than them, yet still sleeping with low quality guys. These women are either single moms or users who work retail jobs, pretending to be pure women but you can see through them.

[Vegasrunner]

@ManOnFire I meant the men's value, however this helps. If it was anyone other than you on this platform, I would advise that you stay away from befriending LV women. With that said this makes sense, why you hold the belief you do, however in my opinion you're dealing with an anomaly, the fact that they're willing to have sex w/ the LV guys tell me that they may not be that attractive as even below avetage women at least can get laid by HV men. The reason why they can't get over is because they realize that they will have fewer and fewer chances to attract a man of value.

[ManOnFire]

"The reason why they can't get over is because they realize that they will have fewer and fewer chances to attract a man of value."
- I think that probably makes some sense. Although, a lot of these chicks that I've known usually are attractive and they still sleep with low value men.

[spartan55]

I would it's women, but not by a large margin. Most guys come back for the sex, so the reasons are usually different.

[LiamJHayden]

No idea. I personally have never done a sequel.

[ManOnFire]

Never done a sequel lol

[PeachyPie93]

I think woman hold onto emotions a lot more than men and will stalk them but I think men come back more.

[ManOnFire]

Isn't stalking still going back though? And then trying to find ways to drop a text or see what the guy is up to. I have never known a guy to run back to an ex, but I have known a ton of women who ran back if there was an opportunity or they thought there was one.

[PeachyPie93]

Sort of but if they don't hit him up it isn't going back I guess? But I have had lots of guys come back and hit me up after I stopped talking to them or deleted them.

[avery58]

Women usually only do for a certain time. In the long run it's usually guys who come back when the woman already got tired of waiting moved on, I think it takes men longer to move on after that point

[Richarding]

This issue is actually related to fate or destiny.

[sirderpsalot123]

Women from what I've seen

[Starrrboy]

I think it's definitely women..

[NathanDavis]

you should have done a poll... lol

[ManOnFire]

It's good that you use a clown face. I DID make it a poll.

[NathanDavis]

a poll, in which they specific their actual experience for actual insight...

not a biased take... lmao

[ManOnFire]

You're mad because you made yourself look stupid without paying attention... lmao

[NathanDavis]

isn't that my every day though...