Is this relationship worth fighting for?

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I’m in my first serious relationship, and I guess I could call this my first love. I’ve had one relationship before and a few talking stages, but nothing more. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 4 months, and we met in March. He came into my life unexpectedly, and things are going great. I still have doubts and wonder why he chose me. We’ve had a few ups and downs, but we always talk things through and listen to each other. He encourages me to talk about what’s bothering me and never makes me feel like a burden.
Recently, I worried about growing apart because of school, and I even tried breaking up with him. He was very upset and wanted me to try, later sending me a paragraph about how making it through would prove our love. We also lost our virginity to each other, which makes this relationship even more significant for me. Despite this, I’m scared he’ll find someone else and drift away. I often feel the need to look good for him due to my insecurities. I tend to distance myself to avoid rejection, which I know is self-sabotaging. Right now, we’re good, but I’m unsure if I’m ready for a relationship.
Is it worth working through these feelings, or could they be a reason to break up?
He talks about a future together, but we’re only 16, and it feels unrealistic. I want this to work, but I feel like I’m getting in the way.

Updates

1 y

Yes of course not. We always talk about things, but I meant that if I look on the positive side we have a pretty solid relationship. It’s mostly my concerns which get in the way, but he never makes me feel like a burden so I’m able to talk to him about my problems

[ohsheeT]

Okay so is it worth fighting for...

Let's just see

So let's say you didn't ask this question

Let's say he was going to break up with you for all the reasons that you say.. .

Why would you feel would it be worth fighting for

No matter what relationship you're in you're going to go through things..

How you handle those things is what builds more love more trust more Bond more character or respect more passion more desire

So stop projecting your failure or your belief or your feeling or your thought

Remember this just because you think something or feel something doesn't mean that you're right..

Let things just happen and if you come up against something go around it go through it go over it just to prove who you Are be that person that you want to be

In life when we were born we were all givien a gift
. . That gift is choice..
We get to choose who you want to be by the things we say and do and fight for and believe them that's who makes us who we are

Do you want to be that person that is negative and doesn't believe in yourself really or anybody else that's the wrong foot to be starting out on in a relationship in any relationship.

Become bold become strong take it on like I said just because you think something doesn't mean you're right or that it's going to happen

And if it does stand up to the plate and fight for it say hey you're full of shit this is what I feel this is who I am and tell him the same thing it's because you think something doesn't mean you're right are we in this together or what

You gave yourself to him for a reason and him to you for a reason

Right now it's worth fighting for because you know that bond is there you know that love like respect friendship is there

. No in the same breath I'm going to say when you're in a relationship no matter what the only thing you can control and do is be the best you can do to be the best you can be give it your all

is the life you never know what's going to happen one day he just might get up and walk away at least you can say I did everything right I did everything right and I was good and somebody's going to love that for me one day

But I'm trying to say is you have to be strong no matter what happens you can't make somebody love you and why would you want to because if you do that it's not real

This guy is willing to go the distance for you let him do it he wants to prove himself that's what kind of guy he is that's his choices that he makes and there's nothing wrong with that

I mean don't listen to anybody except for your own heart anyway don't listen to what I have to say or anybody else listen to your heart because down deep you know what you want and what you need in this moment in time some people aren't as lucky because that moment of time changes into another moment and into another moment and things just hard to say

So look yourself in the mirror ask yourself some deep questions make a choice and follow through but it has to come from your heart

[MicahRaine]

I totally understand not feeling ready for a relationship, but you're already in a relationship so now you should do what's best for both of you.

You are in a good relationship with a guy who is chasing you and "fighting" for you. You gave each other your virginity. You work through problems together. You've had ups and downs and are still together. He treats you well and isn't abusive.

Most importantly, he chose you. Maybe you don't know why, and maybe you never will, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that he cares about you and is committed to you.

He dreams about and plans for the future, and that seems unrealistic to you at times. I understand that, but a man in love is man who will work hard to achieve his goals.

You don't know if you're ready for this level of commitment, and I get that. Maybe it's not the best time for a relationship because you're young. But here's a news flash that most people won't say: there will never be a perfect time to be in a serious relationship, and no one is ever fully ready for a serious relationship.

Here's my take, girls and guys dream about being in a relationship like you and your boyfriend have, so stay with him and fight for each other. Hard times and fighting for each other even when you don't want to is what builds a magical and long-lasting relationship.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I agree so much with you and thank you for writing this. I realised that I should back away because I’m scared of getting hurt. Loving someone is never a waste so I feel like if we were to end on bad terms everything we’d been through would be worth it, you know. I’m trying not to overthink as sometimes when I talk to him about what I’m thinking about I feel like a burden because I don’t want to make him tired or feel like I have lots of expectations for him, because I don’t. From now on I’ll just let things go as they are and try push aside my worries.

[Smashingdoozy]

If you feel like you're not ready for the level of commitment the relationship is heading to maybe have a conversation with him about that. From what you've said he sounds lovely, maybe he will be willing to slow things down and take the relationship easy to make you more comfortable. I will add as you said, you're 16, this relationship is unlikely to last forever, if it's good for you and he makes you happy then enjoy it for as long as you can. If you're not happy then tell him that. Your insecurities will disappear over time.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Well, talking about marriage and children at 16 is a bit much.
Other than that, I see no reason to break up with him. You need to trust him. He wants to keep going and believes in the relationship. If you just end it like that now, it kinda means you didn’t believe in the relationship from the start.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the thrilling rollercoaster of first love! It's sweet, intense, and wrapped up in those 'what if' ribbons, isn't it? From what you've shared, it sounds like your relationship is blossoming with understanding and communication – real soul food for any thriving romance. Your partner's desire to navigate through challenges together is quite the testament to his commitment. Remember, love isn't just about finding the perfect partner but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Now, grappling with insecurities and the fear of rejection is like trying to dance with two left feet – awkward but not impossible to overcome. It's essential you embrace your worth outside of your relationship too. Yes, young love often feels like an uncharted ocean, and thinking about the future can be as daunting as predicting the weather. However, focusing on the now – enjoying each other's company, growing together, and nurturing your bond – is where the magic happens.

Considering everything, if this relationship encourages personal growth, joy, and mutual respect, then it's worth every effort. Your feelings of doubt and fear? They're not stop signs but signposts for areas to explore and grow. So, take it easy, keep those lines of communication open, and let your heart lead the way. You might find that this journey, with all its twists and turns, is exactly what you need to discover more about love, and more importantly, about yourself. 💖

[Summeroflove]

If you break up with him then yes expect him to eventually move on to someone else. I think that the relationship depends on both of you. If you’re both still deeply in love and cannot see yourselves with anyone else. Then fight for it…. If you feel your hearts are drifting away maybe it’s time to end things on a good note and if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be later on.

You both are the people who need to talk this out and decide what it is that you’re going to do. He can’t force you to stay in the relationship the same way he can’t force you…. If you say it’s over it’s over. That’s the point of breaking up is that you’ll both eventually find someone whose a better fit.

You both need to have these serious conversations amongst yourselves. I don’t know what’s meant to be and what isn’t. But if you’re both still in love exclusively. I would fight for it.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

Thank you so much for your response. I feel like there hasn’t happened anything major for us to have that conversation. Most of it is my overthinking so I feel like it’s one sided how I feel about the situation. If I push away the things I worry about I’d say we have a pretty solid relationship. We’re able to talk about things without having an argument and he’s very willing to listen to me and my feelings. It seems like he really wants this to work between us and hasn’t easily given up. I was just wondering if it was worth it even if my overthinking would get it the way. Thinking of the worst all the time can be tiring for me and it would eventually affect him.

[Summeroflove]

You shouldn’t just push away things you worry about. You need to communicate with him because you have valid concerns. Being able to talk things through is very important.

I think you both reallt want this to work. But if it’s not meant to be you would rather end the relationship on a good note. And save yourself both the heartache so you can both move on

[Summeroflove]

On the same note. If you both genuinely love one another. See a future together. Have a solid relationship. Genuinely want to be with one another. Then while you should communicate. You should fight for it.

But that’s your choice to make

[Summeroflove]

I really think you need to decide if you see a future with him. When you have these thoughts just communicate them and talk them through.

[BCA6010]

First off, what you have sounds pretty good and worth keeping. I personally think that having sex with each other (especially at your age) was a mistake, and that's usually when young relationships start to fall apart, speaking from what I noticed especially around college age. A friend of mine at the youth ministry used to (accurately) joke that he could tell exactly when a couple had sex for the first time based on not so subtle changes in their behavior that usually resulted in an eventual breakup.

That said, at your age, basically every relationship is an expendable learning experience because your preferences and values will change up until your mid-early twenties, and so will his own. With a few exceptions, relationships like this that turn into early marriage usually end in divorce, largely for the same reasons.

Ultimately, whether or not this relationship remains worth keeping is going to depend on whether or not the two of you are both willing to deal with inherent problems from distance, conflicting schedules, and of course fidelity. It's very much a two-way street, and a majority of my own relationships that lasted past the first few dates ended because they became one-sided over time.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I understand what you mean, but I feel like after it became intimate like that we just grew closer and became a lot more comfortable with each other. I feel like we waited awhile before it happened and didn’t rush it. I’d say things are going very well between us now. We both communicate very well and he always wants me to try to make things work if I have doubts. Most of my doubts come from my own insecurities and past trauma that I’m projecting, because I’m scared to lose him.

[RHK36]

Don't ruin a relationship by assuming the future. Don't quit while you're ahead. It'll be rare you come across a guy that will communicate with you like that at your age. If you're too scared to get hurt in a relationship then you should stay single. Big part of being in a serious relationship is vulnerability. Yes you can get hurt, but so can he. Relationships are about trust, so don't break it prematurely just because you're scared of a hypothetical. Let the relationship run it's course and if it's not meant to be then you move on.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I agree and I’m trying to change this mindset. I’ve talked to him about it so we’re good now. I’m just scared of losing him. He’s so important to me, and just like that he can be out my life.

[lightbulb27]

He sounds like good guy. Relationships expose deeper emotional wounds formed in early life. You lack trust which you identified is snd will screw you iver. ‘There is no fear in love ‘ sound familiar? So work to identify the root of your insecurity which is likely some kind of loss… and resolve that emotional wound so it is not overpowering your life.

[Staximus]

It seems like the only problem with your relationship is that you are trying to find a problem with your relationship. Stop with the negative bullshit. Just relax and enjoy life instead of creating and worrying about relationship problems that don't exist yet.

[Defnotme123]

If he means this much to you and he is willing to try as hard as you make it sound, I think it would be worth it to try. If you have worries and insecurities that may impact him, I'm not sure it would be fair to him.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't think you should give up on the relationship, I don't think school is a valid reason to let go of something you might regret at some point.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I totally agree. It’s mostly because of my overthinking and I’m just scared we’ll grow apart so I try distancing myself first before he is able to. I’m trying to stop thinking like that and just go with the flow. It’s just that I know he loves me, but I don’t always feel it by his lack of action.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Action does speak greater than words but there's a place for everything, something I know for sure is that overthinking can be very sabotaging and something many seem to do is make decisions off issues that haven't even formed yet with no proper evidence that it will even happen, you should have the relationship for as long as you can and not assume the worst on it, if you ever reach a point that these things do happen, you didn't give up on love and tried your best to keep it alive, if it was meant to happen, at least dont let the reason be you... cause you were lost in your head, better safe than sorried, end it now and you might have just given up on something that was for you and nothing was going to happen, if it's gonna end, at least let the reason be certain and wait until it happens, if it even does.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

Seriously thank you so much. I agree with you, and I’ll try not to assume the worst.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah but you know if you distance yourself then that is going to end the relationship and he will move on.

You need to talk to him about how you feel and apologize for doing that. You’re not even overthinking I’m sure he has thoughts like that too.

[Summeroflove]

And if he’s lacking action then you need to communicate that too. Maybe he’s thinking the same thing and is trying to move on befor you do.

I’m telling you. Holding that type of resentment will cause the relationship to end much more nasty later down the road. Communication is key. When you both can have these deep conversations.

I’m not saying to throw the word marriage around it’s only been 4 months. But the future is something you need to be talking about.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Bruh stop trying to scare the girl, we don't know enough to know where the weak points of her relationship are 😂

One thing that is certain is that they should communicate with each other, what he is thinking is uncertain, his lack of effort can be as simple as personal problems and has nothing to do with her, which is why they should never stop communicating and the future all depends on their decisions now, they should look forward to the future but make decisions according to their present, until their relationship is strong enough to make decisions for their future, it's one step at a time, something I know for sure is that if something as simple as some distance for personal goal for a while is the break of a relationship, that relationship never had the strength to succeed since the beginning, that can be changed, with the solution this man just brought into the conversation, communication.

[Nikki1989]

If you're not ready don't feel forced to do anything but remember life is short, and you could be missing on something special.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

Yeah I agree. I would say I’m ready, I’m just scared of the possibility of losing him. Im scared of getting too attached because one day he might be gone.

[Cheerfull009]

You wait and observe his behavior, if you feel good then continue otherwise break

[dougeats]

Not at all

[In_Trance]

Let it Go