Is this a relationship worth the work?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are both in our mid twenties and we’ve been dating for about 6 going on 7 months. The first couple months were great and then we both lost our jobs so I thought of the great idea to move in together to conserve the resources that we did have since we were spending so much time together anyway. Then the problems started.

He’s terrible with money. One of those types to spend it when he gets it so by the time he gets paid, the entire check is gone the next day but he still doesn’t have any of his bills paid. Where that money goes, I don’t know. I’ve been paying all of my bills before we got together and I pay all of them now. Even when I wasn’t working, I was still able to pay via savings. He hasn’t helped with one bill and he’s working now but prior to that he was doing gig work but only worked enough to buy himself gas and the disposable vape pens. He always talks about how he wants to help with bills and how he doesn’t like living here and not helping because it makes him feel like a bum but has yet to help with anything.

I will say that currently, he is going through a tough time because he hasn’t seen his family for some time and his father is getting older and has expressed that he would like to see him. His father sends him money occasionally to help when he needs it but most of the time he uses that for gas and vapes so he has been unable to fly out to see him. This has been frustrating him so it’s caused him to blow up at me for every little thing and I’m not a person that thrives from confrontation but if I see a problem, I’ll address it. He doesn’t like that and says that I’m always forcing him to listen to what I have to say and when he goes through these moods he says that I never listen to him. He has a tendency to yell which I’ve told him that I do not like so I walk away from the conversations which of course make him more upset.

At this point, I don’t want to kick him while he’s down but I’m tired and don’t know what to do

[HollyK21]

Oh man, this is a tough spot. For starters, I would never recommend moving in with someone so soon. As a matter of fact, I believe after those first 4-6 months is when you’re actually seeing your partners true character (since the honeymoon phase has fizzed out) and whether that person is who you’re compatible with for the long-haul.


All of that is either here nor there though, since now you’re in it and it’s time to either make some changes or make some serious choices. The good news is it doesn’t sound like your relationship is doomed, there’s just issues with communication and expenses. However these can be make or break.


He simply cannot expect you to pull both of your weight, and if he’s intending to be mothered, essentially living rent-free then that has to be stopped and clarified asap. You need to sit him down and figure out a plan for your next billing cycles, since now he has a source of income again, it’s more than fair. Agree to your portion of the rent, and bills, which I think should be 50/50 but that’s for you two to figure out.


This agreement is a commitment on both of your parts, and if he won’t have that conversation without turning it into an argument or upholding his end then it’s time to either call it quits or go back to living separately. The whole point of living together was to pool the expenses, so if he expects a free ride then that’s a hard no. You were better off on your own, at that point.

[lightbulb27]

sounds like a no, but you get to decide. I don't like stress, I really don't like financial stress. Someone that priortizes drugs over getting our lives in financial order... move on. I can't stand drugs more. I've been around this with smokers... their priority is that puff of smoke. It's higher priority than life itself... disgusts me.

I'm all for drugs... take all the drugs you possibly can take if that's what you like... as long as you can afford them and are responsible and make them your problem. My wife and I take caffeine in the form of tea, cappuccino, and occasionally cookies. But we can afford it and we are reasonable with it. "Gotta vape"... to hell with that. Gotta pay the bills and be responsible.

This is just a poorly trained child brat , disguised as a man, that you are dealing with. The parents failed to train him, now it's on you and he doesn't want to list.

Make the rules, expect your partner to show up as they should to the planning table. if fails, kick him out and end your suffering. You don't need the headaches.

don't get pregnant, as that adds a layer more of stress...

Also, call up his parents and give them a thrashing... if you don't Id like to.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Nope. For the money/spending thing alone. IF things are rough now and he's still spending poorly then rough times are going to last a lot longer than they have to, and down the road that is going to spill over onto you if you get serious. Money may not buy happiness but poverty puts a pretty good down payment on sorrow.

[runnerboy]

He needs to pay his share. Work on a budget on who pays for what and get him to commit to it. He sounds stressed. Are things sexually ok with the relationship or is it more than just the money?

[Asker]

Will do! He is stressed for sure but with me having to take care of him and me, I’ve been too so we really haven’t been having sex. Maybe once a month

[runnerboy]

Yikes only once a month... how old are u two?

[es20490446e]

If I was in that situation I will make it very clear it is compulsory for him to pay day one his part, or that I won't be interested in sharing a home.

[KrakenAttackin]

He must be really haaawwwwwt...