My boyfriend's life & career always comes before me. Is it worth continuing to date a guy like this?

[Anonymous]

Hey all, I'm a very busy, well-rounded gal. I always have a lot going on. However, I started dating this guy and he always seems a but "distracted". My boyfriend is a solo artist here in Mich and is very focused on his career (acoustic guitar, musician). He really is trying to get famous. He will text me every day, but talks only about his stuff. I am always happy to help, give him suggestions, but it's literally nothing else. I patiently listen to his day & he'll briefly ask about mine, but I feel like he does it out of obligation.

When I come over, I find myself just sitting with him while he does his recording stuff. Like he'll invite me over to have me watch him record. He's completely engrossed in it, doesn't want to talk. He's not socially awkward. He has great social skills & he's an extremely handsome, popular guy. Just lazer-focused when he works. We end the night with one kiss.

I have a very full, rich life outside of this relationship and I feel I am always sharing what I did (deep-sea fishing, camping.) but he never joins, and just says "oh cool!". He does ask about my day. But he never joins. He really is busy and works very hard. He will work 12 hours a day.

This guy is so busy that he will go on vacations and do his music work on the road. He's forgotten to text back a lot or forgotten dates, and apologizes profusely. Always says we will make it up, but we never do. He feels that going to dinner once a month is enough for us.

I know this sounds bad, but I feel like he needs a girl who fully "appreciates" him. I am not one to do this, I'm very strong & know myself. Feel like he doesn't know me.

I want to be affectionate with him, but he is so distracted every day. When we finally get together & have quiet time, it's awkward bc it's been so long between each instance of intimacy.

Is it worth dating a guy like this? I want to be with him & he was perfect in my mind, but the reality of this is insane. I feel myself slipping from him a lot.

[Truthatanycost]

He shouldn't be in a relationship. My life isn't as busy, but I know myself well enough to know I don't have the time to be in one... so I'm not. Why is he?

You are wasting your time with this one. Talking will not change a thing. Why is he even 'dating' at all? Maybe he doesn't know himself enough. You are not dating, you are barely even friends... what ever this was, is over already. If you try to break up, he will try to change your mind. He might even change for a while... but it will always go back to being the same. You need to ask yourself why you are still with him.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. This is his first relationship. I warned him at beginning that it’s important to know each other before starting something, but he insisted it was fine. I completely agree, and maybe he doesn’t know what to do. I appreciate this answer and will certainly take this advice. I appreciate your help.

[Eric6666]

My question to you is, is this something you are ok with? He certainly sounds like a very nice guy, better than most men out there, handsome, ambitious, focused, and works really hard, to a point that he may not be able to provide the time and attention you need. He is a good man. But if you envision yourself constantly getting upset or disappointed over this, it may be better for you to cut it, for the sake of both of you. If you are ok with this or can work with him to maybe address this to some extend, then stay with him.

I have known couples who rarely even speak to each other every day, yet they still make it work. Everyone's situation and expectations are different. Relationship is a two persons job and it works as long as you two can make it work. I know it may sound obvious but it is what it is.

[SphynxUK]

Essentially, he’s too focused in his aspirations. Maybe that’s good for him, but it isn’t good for you. You need more. Don’t beat yourself about it.
If he’s not making time for you, even one day/evening, why bother? You need communication and closeness. Intimacy can’t come without it. I think we’ve all been there. The right questions are being asked, but there’s nothing behind it. Just obligation….

[Asker]

Thank you. Most logical answer. I totally agree. I am not his manager or his roommate. I hope he can find someone who will give him the closeness he needs in the future and for myself. Thank you for this❤️

[Anonymous]

He sounds very driven and career-oriented, which is a good thing for him personally. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he is in the right place to be in a relationship right now. Maybe he needs to figure out his own stuff before he can truly commit himself to a relationship. It's not fair to you to always be on the backburner.

[Asker]

Thank you. Most helpful answer I can think of. Going to talk to him about that. This sounds like the right plan.

[Opinion Owner]

You're very welcome. Being in different places in your lives doesn't make either of you a bad person. It's no one's fault. Sometimes that's just how life goes. I hope you and your boyfriend can find your way through this, but if you can't, there is someone else out there who will make you a priority in their life. Good luck!

[JCrockett]

If he's that focused on career but still consistently gives that much attention to you, then he definitely wants and appreciates you. If he didn't, then he'd just save himself the bother and cut you loose.

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate his willingness to try

[SammieUnicorn369]

I mean, careers are important but so is making time for one another. I think you should attempt to find someone who can balance and just remain friends with this guy.

But I don't see a reason for an evil, vengeance filled break up lol

[Asker]

I want to be friends😁😁I totally agree. I love him & wish him the best, think you’re right. Thank you!!!

[koolbrz]

My boyfriend's life & career always comes before me.

Smart guy. Hopefully, he will dump you.

[Asker]

Unhelpful.

[koolbrz]

really!

[Anonymous]

so what are you on here just to seek validation from us complete strangers on the internet on a decision you already know you're wanting to do

[Asker]

Nope asking if this is normal for a young guy his age. And if there’s anything I can do to be a better girlfriend, etc. stay friends. No harm to try. Thank you though.