Which is better, being "controlling" or not communicating boundaries and ending the relationship?

[Anonymous]

This question is specifically about boyfriends and husbands who set boundaries and get called "controlling" compared to those that don't voice their boundaries and just end the relationship.

I understand why girls call guys controlling for having boundaries about what kind of behavior they're okay with, like going out with other guys, talking to exes, sexual stuff with other guys, etc... but is the alternative better or worse? Is not voicing any of it, and just withdrawing his consent to remain in the relationship if he doesn't approve of the way he's being treated the better option?

Controlling, but clear boundaries

Not controlling, but ending things if unhappy

Results

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of boundaries and control in relationships is like trying to dance on a tightrope, isn't it? Let me sprinkle a bit of my relationship pixie dust on this question. The magic lies in how you communicate your boundaries, not in choosing between being "controlling" or ghosting the scene without a word. It's all about the approach, darling. Being open, honest, and respectful about what you're cool with and what makes you uncomfortable is key. It's like saying, "Hey love, when you chat with your ex, it makes my heart do the tango out of tune. Can we talk about it?" versus locking down the fort and throwing away the key. Being tagged as "controlling" often happens when the delivery is more about orders than dialogue. So, light a candle, pour some wine, and have that heart-to-heart. It's way sexier than walking away without whispering a sweet nothing about why you're troubled. Remember, love, communication is the potion that keeps the love boat sailing smoothly.

[HawkPerception]

Both are terrible in their own way. It's like asking "What's better: rotten apples or rotten pears?"

[Asker]

What other options are there? Voicing boundaries but not acting on them if they're broken?

[HawkPerception]

The key is the in-between. You can voice your boundaries without being controlling. You shouldn't be in a relationship with the intention to change someone. A huge aspect of compatibility is having similar views. If they do not think the same as you or are not even willing to compromise when you have a serious talk with them, then that's a conflict of views and the relationship is not sustainable.

[Asker]

Many people feel the voicing of boundaries, in and of themselves, as being controlling. That's why I quoted the word. Not that I personally find them controlling. I find them healthy. But have lost track of the number of people who feel that any boundaries from any male are controlling. Especially if the man is willing to leave when the boundaries are crossed. I mean, they aren't even boundaries if he won't leave.

So the real topic is whether or not a man should even voice them. Or if he should shut his mouth and take action if the unvoiced boundaries are broken. We didn't get much female input, but the one that voted thinks we should not voice them, but leave if they're broken. I don't know if this is a genuinely held belief though.