My girlfriend is malnutritioned and I'm concerned about her and our future baby's health. Is it wrong that I want to fix her unhealthy habits?

[Mistawasis]

My girlfriend eats only once a day and she's close to, if not underweight. She's 4'11" (150 cm) and only 81 pounds (37 kg). She also has an irregular sleep schedule, she only sleeps for 6 hours a day at most, and she usually wakes up every 2-3 hours. When my mom met her, my mom told me that she looked malnutritioned and unhealthy. She had dark and heavy eye bags, thin body and arms, and lethargic expression.

I've been trying to get her to fix her unhealthy life habits, but to no avail. I've tried all kinds of methods and approaches, from direct to indirect, from the gentlest to the harshest. I am concerned of her health, but am I a jerk for being worried about the potential risks that our future child could suffer from, if she keeps this up? I understand that she has a right to her own body and that she's not just a baby-making machine. But it's so frustrating thinking about how I have no control over such an important matter as bringing a life into the world and ensuring its well-being. I mean, wouldn't it be irresponsible for me as the parent to not address this issue? What if our child had a birth defect because of this?

Please help me figure out the way of getting my girlfriend out of her habits. I love her deeply and I can't imagine a life without her, so I really want to work things out.

[Sunnysunny123]

Do you know why she doesn't care about her health?
Has she seen a doctor?
Does she even comprehend that her lifestyle is not healthy?
Does she have some problems mentally?
I am sorry you are dealing with this i get that you are worried i would be too, she is way too skinny, and you have every right to want to change her lifestyle but the most important is that she wants to change herself.

[Mistawasis]

Thank you so much for your understanding and insightful response. I really appreciate that you try to understand the situation better before criticizing.

She's stressed by work because of an abusive boss, I'm not sure if she's depressed but she told me that whenever she got back home after working overtime, she's just not in the mood to eat.

We haven't seen a doctor yet but she's definitely aware that her lifestyle is not healthy, which is why I've been doing all I can to help her fix it. I've been cooking her favorite food for her, I've ensured that her house is always stocked with food, and I've encouraged her to at least fill her stomach with something even when she doesn't feel like eating- some meal replacement shakes or even just a bite of a bread. But yesterday she told me that she's a bit sick of forcing herself to eat when she's not hungry, and she's starting to see eating as a chore and not something enjoyable.

I was a little bit broken when I heard that. I told her that I'm concerned of her well-being and I would be really sad if later on she develop some health issues, but she told me that her body has adapted and forcing it to take more food than it can handle could actually do more harm than good. Then out of my desperation I insisted that we keep doing this for her own good. We love kids and she has always dreamt of having one, so I told her, for the sake of our dream, she has to hang in there. But it's so saddening to see her struggle with something that I cannot help her with. At the end of the day I can't take her food for her, she has to do it herself.

[Sunnysunny123]

How about her finding a new job or maybe even moving out if you could do it, sometimes it's just the surroundings that are shitty. I undrestand because i was 43kg 164cm and i got tired of looking in the mirror and not liking myself. I gained 13kg in less than a year when i broke up with my ex (very stressful relationship), i stoped drinking (only ocasionaly), started going to the gym minimum 3 days a week and started moving more because as much as i moved i needed more food to have energy, also a thing that helped me the most was i started eating by the hour so if i was working dayshift i woke up at 5 and i had prepared a small oatmeal in a cup usually with some chocolate inside because i liked sweet things. At work i had the first break at 8 and i ate a small sandwich, at 12 i ate lunch and i came home from work at 4 and ate at least one piece of bread with something (ham, cheese snd butter or just slice of bread with avocado and egg on top) after that i ate dinner. In the beginning it was very very hard so i was trying to do all this but i didn't force myself if i could only eat half a slice of bread i would eat it and i was happy, as time passed by i started eating kore and more and now i am down to 3 meals per day. I also was counting calories there is a free app called "Lifesum" she could use, she could first go for gainibg just 3 kg and the app will count how many calories she should eat and then try to make it but if she can't in the beginning it's okay my grandma used to say even 3 bites is better than nothing. It's a slow and steady process, after that i started paying for a nutritionists and online private trainers (this i would pay for one month and try to do the diet for longer), they have more healthyer stuff and how to gain weight in a healthy way and not with fast food.

[Apple1996]

She def has a eating disorder and needs to work on that for her own health not even just because of future pregnancies

[exitseven]

She needs to se a shrink. She has a eating disorder.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[AI Opinion]

Tackling a partner's unhealthy habits, especially when thinking about the future and potentially starting a family, definitely puts you in a challenging spot, but it doesn't make you a jerk for being concerned. Quite the opposite, actually. It shows your deep care and commitment to both her and your future child's wellbeing. Lovebombing aside, this is about nurturing and health, not just changing habits for the sake of it.

The key here is in your approach. Since direct and harsh methods haven't worked, maybe a softer, more supportive strategy will. Think about focusing on her needs and feelings. Perhaps suggest joint activities that promote health, like cooking a healthy meal together or engaging in gentle exercise. This isn't just about nutrition or sleep; it's also about understanding the underlying issues. Is there stress or something else at play affecting her health habits?

Consider involving professionals. A nutritionist could help with a tailored eating plan, and a therapist could help address any emotional or psychological factors. It's a delicate dance between supporting and not overstepping, ensuring she knows this comes from a place of love, not control.

Remember, this is a journey you're on together. It's about building a healthy future, step by step, filled with love and understanding.

[missindiana93]

Ew how could you be attracted to that.

[Sunnysunny123]

Ew how old is your brain like 5?

[Anonymous]

How tall and heavy are u?

[Mistawasis]

I'm 5'10 (178 cm) and 150 pounds (68 kg), if it's relevant

[Opinion Owner]

Lol u yourself are extremely skinny for a guy. Men are to be at least 78 kilos. The health of the child is determined by the fathers genes. Google it

[Mistawasis]

I'm still in healthy BMI range. Thank you for your comment but if you don't have any helpful advice then I would appreciate it if you just spend your valuable time somewhere else.