My girlfriend is very unhealthy and I am not sure what to do or say?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been going out for over a year, at first everything was great but she slowly started having more and more issues. It’s gotten to the point now where every time we hang out, something goes wrong and I end up taking care of her: unhealthy relationship with food, either eating too much or not eating enough, panic attacks, back pain that’s so bad she can’t move, and recently she has had to go to the hospital multiple times in the last month for a chronic illness she has had for a few years. It’s an Illness that is caused by unhealthy eating habits.

She was recently told she was pre diabetic, and she goes to sleep by 7pm almost every night but never sleeps through the night or isn’t comfortable, so she isn’t getting enough exercise because she goes to sleep so early and is also not getting enough sleep because she just can’t for whatever reason.

I just legitimately don’t know what to do, because this is affecting every aspect of our relationship, and most importantly is affecting her own health. So many things are going wrong that I don’t think she can keep up with it. And I know a lot of it has to do with stress, she doesn’t have a great home life. I know she isn’t doing this on purpose and obviously doesn’t want this, but it is driving me crazy. I try to be a good influence and be supportive, but it really doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere.

She is going through so much that me telling her she needs to change will just be kicking her while she is down. I just don’t know where to draw the line between harsh truths and being supportive? The issues are so bad that I feel like all I can really do is be a shoulder to cry on, there isn’t time between the issues to really sit down and work them out. And I also don’t think it’s my place to tell her this either, but I am not sure what to do?

[xDesirae]

Have you alluded signs to her that you want to make a change in her health? Maybe just be an example by eating healthy and asking her if she wants to take a walk with you, or anything that is at least light movement. Take note of things that are being bought from the grocery, and limit foods that cause such chronic illnesses. Want to take a more serious/direct approach? This is hard to do properly, but try to address it directly, while mentioning that you only address the issue in care of her mental, physical and emotional health. In order to prevent hurting her feelings, start of the conversation with something light such as "You know I love you" or "Hello honey *or any other loving name*". Assuming by the lifestyle that she has, she may be overweight or obese or she may not be overweight. Either way, take her mindset of 'losing weight' and more so 'gaining health'. If her body needs natural weight changes, regaining health will probably more effective rather trying to lose weight solely. Lastly, something that might help is by changing the way you think about yourself. She may adapt to the positive changes you have about yourself, such as confidence in your looks or being happy about your situation in life. Best of wishes to you and her, and have a great rest of your day :)

[Asker]

Yes, when we started dating I had said that I was in the middle of losing weight and wanted someone to do things with. She was really excited about that because she wanted that too, we were competing on our Apple Watch for a while, and then things started going downhill. I try to cook healthy for her, and we stopped ordering take out and opted for home cooked healthy meals when she is over. And I have suggested going on walks and I work out every day and just let her know when I am going to the gym. More just trying to be a good influence around her, I don’t tell her to do anything but I just try to be healthy myself and hope that it influences her.

[MORPHEUS_12]

May I ask what chronic disease or ailment she is dealing with. That would help me to try and help her.