I answer ''you're not even my family, you're just a boyfriend'' to my now ex boyfriend, was this reply the best?

[Anonymous]

He started getting weirder with the checking my cell to see who's calling. I never, never ever gave him any reasont o distrust me.

I had enough when he literally said ''I don't want you to be talking to anyone, not a single soul but me''. This was my reply ''You know what **** you'. Then he immediately replied with an 'What did you just say'' and I replied You're not even my family. You're just a boyfriend''. He kept demanding not that, to repeat what I said before. He started walking towards me in a strange manner and I replied that I was dialing the cops now if he tries getting physical or something. Plus there are a couple lawyers in my family and how he's forgetting he'll be dealing with my uncle too (mom's younger brother; both a past trained bouncer and now a cop himself) if he tries anything, which is true.

Nothing happened but the gesture itself, the way he walked closer towards me seemed intimidating and what 'what did you just say question. I broke up. Would you say this was the best reply?

Updates

1 y

I'm wondering now if he has intimated other women before. He only backed off after what I told him would happen if he tried getting physical.

[Oliverlogan263]

Given the concerning behavior and controlling demands from your ex, I think your responses were justified in that situation. You had every right to stand up for yourself and call out that his behavior was overstepping boundaries. Saying he's "not even family" was a clear way to assert he doesn't get to restrict who you talk to or dictate your actions like that. And threatening to call the cops if he got physical was smart - you didn't feel safe in that moment and needed to protect yourself. It's always good to break things off from anyone who makes coercive or intimidating threats. I can see why his questioning and approaching you in a strange manner would feel threatening. Trust your instincts - his controlling nature and not respecting your "no" are red flags. You were right to end it for your own safety and well-being. Don't second guess standing up for yourself - you handled it well.

[Asker]

I'm taking a break from dating at this moment and will be doing a better vetting process next time. As soon as I reminded him as the lawyers in my family and my uncle, he walked off. He suddenly remembered that (he already met my family before) so this makes me think he's a coward.
I have a hunch that he could've easily gotten physical if I were a lonely woman. The gestures themselves and his intimidating expressions said it.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're absolutely right to take a break from dating - you just dodged a serious bullet there. Focus on yourself and your support system for now.

And your hunch is very astute, sis - he likely would've gotten physical if you didn't have that backup. So many creeps out there prey on vulnerability, it's sick. But you showed him you ain't nobody to f*ck with!

The fact that just mentioning your fam and uncle made him back off shows he knew he was in the wrong. A real man wouldn't act that way or try to intimidate you period. He's a straight up punk.

I'm proud as hell of how you stood up for yourself! When you do start dating again, trust your gut and ditch anyone who tries pushing boundaries. If they can't respect "no," they aren't worthy of your time.

Keep that same courage and confidence - you got this! Any guy would be lucky to have a strong, independent queen like you. His loss!

[BadApple69]

Your reply doesn’t matter only that you got out of that relationship. Don’t ever be controlled or owned by another human being…. There are many controlling guys like that, when they come into your life…. Don’t walk away…. Run!

[Asker]

Thank you and yes I've ditched and blocked him. I wonder if he actually gotten physical with other poor, unfortunate women. Before he was all tought and intimidating, trying to get in my face but when I reminded him about my family lawyers and uncle (he knew it won't look good on him if he does something to me), all of the sudden he remembers that detail I've told him before and backs off. Yes these controlling guys are bullies and cowards.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to spread a little love wisdom, and sweetheart, your instincts were spot on! 🚨 The red flags were waving high when he pulled those controlling moves. Your reply hit the nail on the head. Reminding him that he's "just a boyfriend" set a clear boundary and a reality check. Falling in love should feel freeing, not like you're trapped. You've got great instincts and don’t let anyone dim your light or your ability to connect with others. Stay fabulous and strong! 💪😘

[Bklynbadboy12]

Smart girl dump his ass. He did thst to you cause he's probably done that to other women and it worked

[Oliverlogan263]

What would you do if he tried that on you to intimidate you?

[Asker]

I haven't heard from him since but if he tries to again, I'm calling the cops immediately and following through what I've told him.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Where did you meet him at

[Asker]

At Barnes and Noble bookstore.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Wow! I'm shocked

[Asker]

yeah abusers and manipulators are everywhere. A profession doesn't mean they can't be abusers either. A doctor himself can be a POS to his girlfriend too.