My boyfriend still talks to his ex's family, should I be okay with this?

[Anonymous]

I've never been in a committed relationship before. It’s always been flings that never lasted more than a month. Men or women I have never felt compelled to stay with someone for a long period of time. But then I met this guy, and he was great. We started dating and after a year now we are talking about marriage and kids and I couldn't be happier at the thought of spending the rest of my life with this person, which is a new thought for me and one that had me scared. What made me even more scared was the fact that he still talks to his ex’s family. He was with her for 8 years, engaged for 4 or 5 years, so I already feel insecure about this- makes me think he just wants to be settled down and that anyone would do, I mean why consider it with a woman he’s only been with for a year when he was with her for so long?

I know there is a lot of history between those two, but she cheated on him and left him. And when I see him talking to her family I feel so left out- he never makes a move to introduce me or include me in the conversations, so I wander off and he gets angry that I leave. I've told him about my insecurities but he just brushes them off. Should I just be okay that he still talks to them or should I just leave? All advise helps, thanks. MR

[Anonymous]

I think that him talking to her family it's a horrible thing. If he is talking to them on a regular basis that may be concerning. But when you are in a relationship for that long you get really close to the other person's family and losing them is sometimes harder than losing the person you are with.

I was engaged and dated my ex for 5 years. I was EXTREMELY close to his family. So we he ended up cheating on me and I called off the wedding, I was more hurt that I wouldn't have them in my life anymore than my fiance! And I did still talk to some of his family member's from time to time.

The thing that is questionable is that he does not introduce you when you are there. Maybe he thinks it would make you uncomfortable? But I think he should introduce you as his girlfriend to them. I would talk to him about it and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable that he talks to her family and does not introduce you to them. Really explain WHY it bothers you.

If he really cares about you he should listen to your fears and help to put them at ease.

[Chris0516]

I totally agree with you.

My (ex) wife n' I got divorced in 2000(we had been engaged for two years, prior to getting married in 1992). Two years later I was living in another state,, engaged to another woman. When I got a call from my (ex) wife. I found out that my father had given my number to my (ex) wife w/o my permission. I was livid. I didn't want to communicate in any way with my (ex) wife. Not just out of respect for my then-fiance. But also because I am still disgusted with some things my (ex) wife did during our marriage.

[Anonymous]

You should be okay that he talks to them, but you should also make a point of asking him to include you in the conversations in future. That you're his partner now, and you don't like being made to feel like a spare wheel.

[Racez]

It's just fine that he talks to them. It's a sign that he respect his ex' parents, and been a good friend of the family.